Remember Me
by Vampire-princess14899
Summary: Sex, girls, parties, that was what my life was about until I met her. I mean HER. But changing isn't easy for me. Thats always been my life, and it might be that reason that i can never call her mine.
1. Preface

Preface

I grabbed her arm, hoping it would make her stop. "Please don't do this." I begged, already knowing it was over.

She sniffed and as she looked at me her eyes were full of tears. She blinked and they rolled down her cheeks, but I wiped them away with one stroke of my hand. When my palm reached her face, she cringed away. I let my hand drop, feeling the pain deep inside of me.

"I-I just can't, Jonathan. Not anymore." she turned to go, but she stopped before stepping outside of her bedroom.

It hurt worse to feel the small slimmer of hope rise inside my chest and then to feel it crushed as she didn't turn around when she walked down the hallway and out the door. I watched her get into her car, feeling like every part of me was being ripped to shreds.

It hurt worse to know that this was my fault. That I caused her so much pain that she would rather leave me than love me. I must truly be a monster.

It wasn't the first time I pretty much killed someone.

But hey, I need to slow down. I bet you don't understand what's even going on. But you will, oh trust me you will. I'll start from the beginning and hope you can catch up.


	2. Chapter 1: Visitor

1. Visitor

I had my eyes on her all night.

Well mostly her breasts, but still her. When she finally caught me staring I saw that grin transform into a flirty smile like all of them do. She walked over to me with poise, making me watch the way her skinny waste went from side to side. She took my hand and led me to one of the bedrooms, not even bothering to say a word.

Now I sat up in bed, watching the girl beside me sleep. From what I heard she had been a virgin, but if it was truth or not, she wasn't now. I looked over her with disgust, truly hating myself for what I am, but this was who I am. It wasn't something I could change.

If you had to watch someone die, I would feel sorry for you. I would never wish that fate on anyone. Not even my own enemies. Seeing someone you love die, maybe in your owns arms, leaves a mark that can't be erased. You would stay up all night and feel sorry that you couldn't have done anything.

But what if you were the _reason_ that person died. that's just something cruel that nobody should have to shoulder, but I did and I still do. I have to live with the fact that I caused my own mothers death by trying to escape death myself. You see I killed my mother, Claire, but I promise I didn't mean to. It was an accident and I was only a baby for Pete's sake. But after a few days of life I was able to understand what I had done.

We buried my mother where I said my final goodbye. I knew I loved her even though I never knew her, but to see the look on my father's face every time he looked at me…god I wish I could just crawly under a rock every time he got close. Not that he blames me, but I blame myself. A little too much really.

So this is how I got to be like this. A man whore I mean. It's the only way I could keep my mind off Claire. I can't stand the guilt that haunts me every second.

Its been like this every since my tenth birthday. I grew up like normal, always asking for stories of my mother, and then seeing Jason transform as he spoke of her. I knew he loved her. But after a while the guilt started to eat at me. To hear of how wonderful Claire was and to know that I had killed her. I just couldn't take it. So then everyone in the house knew better than to mention her when I was around, or I would get mad. Really mad.

So Jason and I drifted apart, never really talking because I was never really home anyway. I was always at a girls house or something. When ever we do speak, we usually fight, but on our rare moments we talk like a father and son should, but those talks come about once a year. Maybe not even that regularly.

He wasn't proud of me, that was a given, but I tried. I tried to stop being who I was, sometimes I ran away, but I could never hide from who I became. I could make it a week without a girl, but I would crack after that.

It wasn't just dad who was disappointed in me. I knew Claire was, where she was. In heaven I was guessing. I knew she watched me, wondering if I was a mistake. I was sure she didn't love me, no matter how many times dad said that she did, I just refused to believe him. But my other family was disappointed in me.

Skylar, Taylor, Ben, Syd, Angel, Nick, and I knew Cody and Trevor wasn't on my side even though they went to live with Sylvia's clan after Jason finally turned Trevor into a vampire. They each found mates, there so it all worked out, but they came by once in a while.

I liked them all, don't get me wrong, but it was hard to look at them. To see each face, sad in the choices I was making, and then for them to see my blue eyes (Claire's eyes) and for them to see her in me. It made me feel bad. Who was I to take such a perfect life away from them. I bet they all resented me.

Then came the Cullens. You had Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett (my favorite), Rosalie, Edward, Bella, and Renesmee. They came around once and a while. I got along with Edward just fine until Skylar told me the story about how Edward killed Sierra and then Claire vowed to kill him. Since Claire hated him, I will too.

So every time he came around, I would glare, ignore, growl, and pretty much be a total snob to. But other than him I liked the Cullens. Alice was fun to be around, Jasper and Emmett were something from another planet, Rosalie was hot, Renesmee was awesome, and Bella was cool. The doctor and his wife is nice too, but he knew Claire first. It was harder to look into his eyes than the rest because he was just so gentle all the time.

Next was the wolf pack, which pretty much was family with the Cullens. Jacob Black was always around Renesmee since they were in love, and so was the rest of his pack. I liked them the best. It was easier to be around someone of my own kind. They trusted me and were my family, even though I haven't ever phased. Jason doesn't understand why, but he thinks it will just come in time. I just have to get really angry first. Yeah that was twenty years ago when he said that.

Then I had my friends at School. There was Liam Hart who was my very best friend, and his girlfriend Chelly Dublin. I had Tony Heinz, Rachael Snap, and my current girlfriend for the week, Brooke McGraw. I had a lot of friends at my new school Kenton Ridge, but these were my closest. Jason liked Liam the best because he was a good influence on me, but I liked him most because he didn't judge me for who I am. He just liked me from the get go.

We moved her to Springfield, Ohio a few months ago, starting over in a new town like always and I already had a rep here just like my other schools. I wasn't really proud of it, but as long as girls kept throwing themselves at me, I was ok with it. For now anyway.

So here I was, doing the same thing again. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already seven in the morning. I put on my clothes and left the girl alone in the room. A one night stand wasn't irregular for me. I did it all the time.

I walked out of the house and saw trash everywhere. People walked sideways in a hangover, some were trashed, and some kids didn't even bother to get a room to do all this stuff. Gross. Like we want to see that stuff.

I got in my car and pulled out onto the main road, Middle Urbana I think, and drove quickly to our house out in the country. It only took a quick minute until I was pulling into the driveway and stepping out of the car. Lights were on, as usual, but they weren't for me. They never slept so the lights were never off. I locked my silver Audi R8 and opened the door.

The living room was empty, but I heard some people in the kitchen so I walked in there, throwing my keys on the hook. They looked at me as I walked by and got some food. Dad was already wolfing down Nachos (yes I get the pun) while the others just watched him with a look of disgust.

"Hey, Jonathan." Nick said, sitting next to Angel, holding her hand. I nodded back and grabbed a bowl of cereal.

"How was your night?"

I looked at my dad when he spoke. It didn't amaze me that when I did I felt like I was looking in a mirror. Besides the eyes we were perfect twins here, right down to the last freckle and mole. Same height, same smile, same speed and same strength.

I debated on how to answer. But they already knew what I was up to every night so it was pointless to lie to him. "It was alright I guess, nothing special." he frowned and went back to eating. I heard a snicker or two from Skylar and a slap, probably from Syd, but other than that it was dead silence.

I chewed quietly, pretty much hoping I could just disappear. Most of them didn't want me here anyway. Jason hates me and I bet Claire does too. Life just sucks.

"She doesn't hate you." Syd said sympathetically, putting her hand over mine. I forgot about Syd reading minds for a moment. Normally she's just so quite I forget about her gifts. "Nobody does, not even Jason."

I snorted. Jason looked at me with a pained look on his face. "I don't blame you, Jonathan. I never did and I never will. Its Cody's fault, we both know that."

He was right. This was one of our rare moments where we could talk to each other without yelling, but he was still right. Cody turned my mom human, and Claire conceived me. Then when she was giving birth, Cody couldn't hold on to his little magic gift and she was turning into a vampire. I was going to die, but like Nessie, I tried to bite my way out and I did, thus killing my mother. And it was Cody's fault, but Jason was never able to find him because he ran off before I was completely out.

"Sure, Jason." I said, coldly.

"Jonathan…" he tried again.

"Enough! Can't I just eat in silence?"

He shut up and so did everybody else. I felt bad about saying that, but they knew my rule. I didn't talk about Claire and I never will. I didn't want to. Final answer. Set in stone. Move the heck on.

I finished my make shift break fast and put the bowl in the sink. I washed it and put it away. I turned around to see them watching me, clearly not talking while I was in here.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I asked, leaning on the counter behind me.

"Your not going out with Brooke?" Taylor said in her normal icy tone when it came to talking about the girls I used, but I didn't care what she thought.

"I did last night. She's pissed at me anyway so what's the point?"

"Another girl mad at Jonathan? Shocker." Skylar mocked.

I ignored his jibe and looked back my father. "Jason?"

Since Claire was gone Jason took over the role of the leader. It seemed only fitting, but its not like he really wanted to. I bet if he had a choice he would trade me for Claire.

"Jonathan…"

"Get out of my head!" I shouted, making her wince. I felt my body tremble. It looked like I was vibrating. Jason watched me with sudden interest while everyone backed out of the way. I felt the anger course through me, but like normal I felt an awkwardness to it. It was like my body was being pulled into several directions, each wanting to go somewhere else.

Jason pat my shoulder. "Maybe next time."

"You realize you've been saying that for the last like twenty years?"

He smiled as I teased. Two in one night? This is kind of cool. "Yeah, but maybe I'll be right next time."

"What ever you say, dad."

It still brought a smile to his lips when I called him dad. I guess it must be some joy to be known as a father, but I would love to say mom sometime, but that was never going to happen unless I visit her grave, which I do sometimes.

"Anyway, what are we doing?"

Jason looked away. "Edward and Bella are coming over." he said quickly, almost like he hoped I wouldn't hear.

But I did.

I growled loudly, feeling my body shake again, but it died away much faster knowing I had no hope of actually phasing. Maybe I wouldn't. but it didn't matter. I wanted to rip Edward into shreds.

Syd laughed and then looked down when we all glanced at her.

There was a knock on the door. I half expected it to be Edward so I tensed and got ready for, well anything. Maybe we could fight…no. Bella was there. She wouldn't let us even if he wanted to.

But when the door opened I saw someone completely different.

The figure had blonde, shaggy hair. He was shorter than me, but most people were. He wore nice clothes and looked like a model. He wasn't smiling, but I could feel his confident mood.

Jason and I exchanged a quick nod and then we both lunged at Cody Evans.


	3. Chapter 2: Claire's letter

2. Claire's letter

At the exact moment we both lunged at him-something we both dreamed about-there was a _crack_ outside and at first I thought it was Angel teleporting or whatever, but I still sensed her here. But someone had left.

Jason grabbed my hand and swung me into Cody, knocking him flat. he bounced up but Jason was on him. We pinned him down quickly, but he wasn't even fighting us off like we wanted. I slammed my knee into his lungs, not that he needed to breathe, but I knew it caused him some slight discomfort. His face was blank, like he was trying really hard to hide something.

"What are you doing here?" Jason hissed. Cody attempted to get up again, but I didn't let him budge. I had dreamed of this moment for so long. I just wanted to rip his head off and cause him so much pain for killing my mother, even though it was still my fault too.

"Enough, Rambo." he said. At that moment we both hit the floor and Cody wasn't underneath us anymore. We stood up quickly and spun around to see him lounging on our couch, his eyes closed. "I have something to give you both. Well mostly Jason, but it can be for Jonathan too."

I growled when he said my name. What was so important for him to come here to give to us? Didn't understand how we didn't want him here? Did he know it was his fault?

"Actually, young one, its yours." he smiled coldly.

Jason looked at my pained expression. That was all it took for Jason to tremble and phase. Now in his place stood a large black wolf, bigger than a freaking Clydesdale. Dad growled at Cody, his ears flat against his skull, getting ready to lunge again.

"I have a letter for you, Jason. Claire gave it to me."

I froze. My muscles locked up, tense and ready to collapse. Claire gave him a letter?

I turned to see Jason's head looking at me, his sad eyes the size of tennis balls. He shook his head. He walked outside and when he came back in he was human again, clothes and everything that we laid out there in case one of us got too mad.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jason snapped, walking back over to my side. It was comforting to feel him next to me, ready to fight for me, ready to die for me. It almost made me feel like family, but that mood was gone before I really knew it was there.

"That would be my bad, Jason." Skylar said, taking a few strides towards us, never taking his eyes off Cody. "Claire wrote a letter after you, uh, beat her up. Sorry I didn't know how to phrase it better."

Jason flinched.

I knew that story. Jason got to angry, again thanks to Cody, and he beat the snot out of Claire, almost killing her.

"So why didn't you give it to me?" he asked, his tone was broken, shattered. I could also feel my heart being ripped in two, but I didn't like to hear about her. If Jason could I knew he would put her into every conversation her had.

"She wanted Cody to have it. Don't ask me, Claire had a mind of her own." Skylar smiled painfully. Jason laughed without humor and turned back to Cody. Now I could see the piece of paper he hand in his hand, now all crumbled from being attacked.

He handed it to Jason, his expression now full of mercy and pain. "I loved her. I didn't want to see her die."

"You should have thought of that before you made her human." Jason shut his mouth quickly and turned to me. He slipped up a couple of times like this every once in a while. It just proved I was right and he was wrong. I'm sure that if it wasn't for the fact that Claire would hate him if he didn't keep me, Jason would have dumped me long before now.

Knowing there was no way to take it back, he looked back at the letter and read it quickly. There was a few pages to it, but Jason was already reading it over again before I minute was even up. I saw his face change into pain, then happiness, and sometimes he would laugh. He gave the letter to me next and I read it over.

_My dearest Jason,_

_Right now I bet you hate yourself, but I love you. I always have and I always will. I don't blame you as I think you I may, because I know it isn't your fault._

_But this accident has made me think. I'm human now and I'm much more fragile than I wish to be. I hate to feel pain and hearing my heart pump. I wish nothing more than to be a vampire with you. Maybe one day we can truly be together, where nothing can hold us back. Where maybe one day we can live in peace with no fear of something coming up behind us, not even Cody. I'm getting off track from what I wanted to tell you. Sorry. _

_The thing is, as I have said, I'm so fragile and breakable. One day I may not be able to take another fight, another arrow through my heart. One day may be the last for me, hence the meaning of this letter. I don't want anything to happen to me, but if it does, it does._

_I truly hope you never have to read this letter. In fact I can hear you downstairs right now, talking with Trevor and eating god knows what, and I hope I never have to put you through this, but I'm only human. If you are reading this, I love you. I love you so much. Nothing will stand between us, not even death. God have mercy on the pour soul that drives us a part, but I won't really ever leave you._

_You see, Jason, I plan to live for ever with you. I plan to have fun and see how much Skylar can get us into trouble. I want to visit the Cullens all the time, yes even Edward, though I still don't like him that much. But if I have to go, I'm glad you can stay. I want that way. You deserve to live, Jason. I've done terrible things in the past, things I can't make up for, but things I don't like. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you this way, but hey who knows? Maybe were reading this right now out loud and laughing about it in a few years when I'm perfect again._

_I can never be who you think I am. You may think I'm this perfect girl with no flaws, but I am. You were right by the way, when you were mad at me. I am a monster. I did kill your mom and I did take lives away just so I can keep mine going. And I'm sorry for doing that to you. I'm sorry for not only taking away your mom, but your father as well, though that was more of Jane's fault than mine. Yes, I may look innocent in the reflection, but I learned how to lie from the best. I learned how I hide things, especially the tings I kept from you the night I told you about our history. If you knew the truth you would surely hate me more than you do now._

_But I'm here. Even as you read this, I'm there. My body may be decaying in the ground and eaten by rats ( You can thank Skylar for that part because he's helping me write this) but I'm not really in there. That's just a body now. I'm in your heart and in everyone else's. I hear your words as you visit my grave, because I know you will. I hear every sentence, every word of love, and I grasp on to each and every one of them. I don't know if someone like me belongs in heaven, but even if I'm there. It's a living hell without you there. That's why I'm still here with you. That and to haunt Skylar, I always wanted to do that._

_Keep my family safe, Jason. You're officially in charge now that I'm gone. I can't guide my family or keep them safe from harm, that's why I need you. You can protect them, Jason. You can do anything. I know you can. You helped me and you showed me the way down the right path. I never thought I would fall in love again, especially with you. You were human, yet I fell hard. I'm so sorry I can't be with you now, but I wish I was. Don't ever forget me and I promise to do the same._

_I miss you._

I paused as I flipped over to the next page. The handwriting here was better, less forceful or strained.

_My dearest Jason,_

_The handwriting looks better here doesn't it since I'm not strapped up to any casts right? Yeah I know, but as I said earlier in this letter, its not your fault._

_But now we have another problem forcing upon us, or rather a miracle. In my stomach I'm caring a child. I now know the secret Cody has been hiding and I know I'm not supposed to talk to you, but I'm having a baby! I know your excited to, just as I am._

_But as I said before, I'm only human. Alice confronted me and told me her vision. I'm going to die because of this child. Now I didn't tell you that I knew because I know what your reaction would be. You would want it out at that instant, but I just can't, Jason. I can't get rid of him. I want to die for him. I want my death to give him life. I want Jonathan to have everything._

_Now I know the second after you read this you'll hand it to him, but I have to say something first. Take care of him for me, but not just for me. I don't want you to blame him because it's not his fault. I want you to love him the way I already do. I want him to grow up in love and be close to this father, knowing that he can't have his mother around._

_Jonathan, I love you. I don't know who old you are at this point, but I hope you are old enough to understand my love for you. I in no way blame you and right now I wish I could erase the line I out earlier about god having mercy on the thing that separates Jason and I. I don't want that. I do want you to understand though. Its not your fault and its not your father's fault. I know right now you're reading this thinking 'you're wrong, Claire. You do blame me' but I really don't. I want to die for you because that's what a mother would do. I wouldn't want to live knowing that my only son isn't._

_So be strong for your father. Take care of yourself and him. I'm always watching you and always praying that you're safe at home. I hope you never have to, but I hope Jason trains you to fight. You may need it. Don't do anything stupid that you'll regret later in your everlasting life. Live the way you want to live. Be a kid, be an adult, be whoever you want to be. I'm proud of you, no matter what direction you chose, whether you live with Sylvia, whether you live on your own, or whether you hate you dad. I hope you don't hate me, but if you do I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to change your mind other than keep telling you that I love you._

_Don't let anyone tell you differently, Jonathan. Don't let Cody push you around, he's just jealous he doesn't have a good looking kid like mine because I know you look like Jason. I just know. It's a girl thing. I know you hate him and you have a right to, but don't kill him. That's my job. Go do what ever you think is right and love accordingly. Just be Jonathan Greenfield because I already know you're awesome. You're my son, you'd have to be._

_Jason, I know you and Jonathan probably tackled Cody to the ground when you first saw him. I know you're wondering why I chose him to give you the letter, but I have my reasons. If anything I want to guys to get along somehow. Cody may be a psychopath, but I loved him once and I love you now. Try to get along, but if you can't I give you permission to try to kill him. I promise I won't hold it against you. Haha._

_I wish I was holding you in my arms right now, both of you. I wish I could tell Jonathan stories before he goes to sleep. I wish I could kiss his head and help heal the bruised and scrapes I'm sure he'll get from wrestling with Emmett or something. I wish for so many things, but since I'm not with you right now, I can only do one thing._

_Move on, Jason. I know it may be hard, but you don't deserve to be alone your whole life. Find a girl that will treat you right and that you love, just don't love her more than me, and I say that with a smile on my lips._

_I love you, Jason._

_I love you, Jonathan._

_I always will._

_Skylar, please don't screw them both up. _

_- Claire _

I gave the papers to someone else after I read them again twice. I memorized each word, each line, each curve of her letters. I laughed in pain and I felt a smile at my lips, but it didn't last long either.

I looked at Jason who was sitting on the chair, facing Cody who was still across the room on the couch. Jason had his head in his hands, something he did when he didn't know what to do. I saw his hands pull at the honey blonde hair that looked just like mine.

I heard murmurs from around the room as people read her letter. Skylar was muttering something about trust and how much he missed his sister. Angel and Syd looked blank, not that they didn't understand what was going on, but they looked almost like Cody earlier. Like they knew something they had to keep hidden. I saw Ben's choked up expression as he passed it along to Taylor, as she looked like she was going to cry.

It had been thirty years since I saw them all look this way. Thirty years had passed since we buried my mother. Thirty years to get over he, but to still keep Claire close in out hearts. Thirty years to forget. Thirty years to remember anything lost. It only seemed like yesterday though. It still amazes me how much time moves when you just want it to stop completely. Or how some people wish they were never born. Don't make me laugh. They have no idea what its like to go through what we go through every day.

Nobody knows, nobody cares that I still have nightmares about my mother. Nobody comes to my rescue when I wake up screaming. Not that I let them anymore, but still. Nobody understands that I use to girls to keep my mind off Claire. There is no person on planet earth that understands me and my feelings better than Jason, but not even him knows everything.

"I also came here to tell you the truth. You may not believe me, but this is the very thing that Claire tried to hide from you and form the world." Cody stood up and looked around at us. Jason watched him, part of him wanting Cody to spill, part of him wanting Cody to respect Claire's secrets.

"Don't." dad said.

Cody smiled weakly. "Trust me, you want to hear this."


	4. get ir right

**Ok I have been getting some complaints about my story 'remember me'. first off this is the third story. If you don't read 'my burning desire' then 'my beating heart' then your going to be sooo confused. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear, but don't read remember me until you read the first two. And 'the first one' is its own little series. So don't be worried about that one. Im mostly answering this for a person who sent me an review and they didn't like it because they were confused, but they said I had potential so that's the upside. So read 'my burning desire' first and that'll help bring you up to speed. If not your gonna think my stories crap.**

**Just thought I'd put that out there. Thanks to the people who help me write this and give me great ideas!! -Kate**


	5. Chapter 3: unwanted truth

_**3. Unwanted truth**_

_**We sat there, waiting for him to start explaining.**_

"_**Come on, psychopath, start telling us this so called 'truth'." Skylar muttered. There were a few nervous laughs, some still shaky from the letter.**_

_**Cody looked around the room. His put his hands through his hair, and for a moment I could see the way my mom saw him and how she could fall for him. That didn't mean I hated him any less.**_

"_**When we met, it took a while for her to trust me."**_

"_**Shocker." I blurted out. Cody shot a glare at me. I smiled darkly.**_

_**He went on. "We would go on silly little dates. But it made her happy, so it made me happy. She always tried to look her best for me, though she never needed it. Claire was always so beautiful…" his voice trailed off.**_

_**The next second of silence went on for what seemed like hours.**_

"_**Her parents didn't like me, and they had good right. I wasn't safe for her. There were so many times I could have killed her-"**_

"_**Which you ended up doing." **_

"_**But she still stuck with me anyway." Cody ignored me this time., something about his look said 'yeah look who really killed her'. I hissed, but he ignored that too.**_

"_**Claire and her parents fought-"**_

"_**I've heard all this before, Cody! Do you really expect me to listen to it in full detail what you did to her?" Jason stood up, shouting. Skylar stood up too, backing him up. I've never see Jason so angry before, without phasing into a wolf first.**_

"_**Would you people let me get through the whole story?" Cody hissed.**_

_**There was another crack**_** outside, just like the first one, and when I looked at Angel, only then did I realize she was gone.**

"**Fine." grumbled Nick.**

"**So like I was saying, Claire and her parents fought constantly, and one night it was too much for her. I was waiting outside her house when she stormed out. She grabbed my hand and towed me somewhere. I followed her without a second thought, because I wanted to be where she wanted to be.**

"**She took me to the grave yard, the only place where we could be together, alone. We started to talk, but her words were so rushed. Claire's face was redder than a tomato." he laughed, remembering.**

**I looked at Jason, who's face was red too. I knew that face. I knew where this was going. I wanted to drown it out, but I couldn't.**

"**I couldn't get her to tell me what she was so nervous about. So we just kept chatting. Then she kissed me, but it wasn't like normal, it felt more…what's the word? Urgent? Like she needed to. Before I knew what was happening she was already pulling off my shirt. And I was too weak to stop her. I **_**wanted**_** to, but that doesn't mean it was less wrong.**

"**I tried pushing her away, but she just kept coming at me, her kisses so sweet, like always." he stopped abruptly, his head snapped toward the window. But then he went on. "Then before I knew it…" he shook his head sheepishly. **

"**Then it went all wrong. She smelled too good, better than Bella to Edward-" someone hissed but I didn't look away from Cody's face to find out "-and I-I bit her. Her blood was like a live wire, wanting me to take more. It was a miracle I could stop, but she was writhing in pain already. 'What have I done?' I said. That's one part she got right.**

"**Then I ran, unable to take the guilt." he finished on a low tone of voice. His face was sad, his voice weak. He wasn't smiling, he just looked…lifeless. No pun intended.**

"**Liar!" Skylar and Jason bellowed together. But for some reason I believed him. I know what you're thinking. **_**You're her son! How can you think that? **_**But in truth it wasn't that hard.**

**I cry myself to sleep every night. I had nightmares about my dead mother every night. I use girls because I killed my mom. I would rather believe that she was a whore than a normal girl who loved my father, mostly because it lessened my guilt. Yeah I know it's selfish, but its how my mind works.**

"**I'm telling the truth, Jason." Cody spoke his name slowly. "Remember how she spoke of me when she was talking about how she was changed? How she got suddenly nervous? She was worried you would find out the truth and hate her more than you already did. She didn't want to hurt you."**

**I snorted, all eyes looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders, meeting Jason's eyes with a glare and walked out the door.**

"**I'll be back later." I said without another parting glance.**

"**Just do as I say." whispered a voice.**

"**But!" I recognized Angel's voice, but the other was unfamiliar.**

"**Do it now!"**

**Angel hissed and there was another **_**crack.**_

**I ran towards the noise at a sprinting pace. When I reached her she looked slightly happier, but almost like she was trying to fake a saddening face.**

"**Angel?"**

**She turned around, startled. She looked at me with brown eyes, and then they were full of relief. "Good, its only you."**

**I blinked and looked behind her. "Who were you talking to?"**

**Cody was at my side in the same instant. He looked at her with some unspoken question. She shook her head and now it was his turn to sigh in relief.**

"**Jon, take this. I have to go." he ran away.**

**Okay now I was really confused. I had no idea what was going on, but I wanted answers, but for some reason I also knew I didn't. It scared me to think that.**

**I looked down at the piece of paper Cody left in my hands.**

**Read only when alone**

**I looked down at the beautiful script that I knew belonged to a girl. I shoved it down my back pocket and didn't look at it again till I was home, which I wouldn't be for another few days.**

**I didn't know why, but for some small, fleeting moment, I felt that someone was watching me. Its hard to explain right, but they eyes I felt were from someone I knew, but form someone I wanted to know.**

**I turned and walked to my car. With the purr of my engine calming me, I road out into the country, where I parked my car and ran. I didn't know where, but I felt like I was either running for my life, or running to save someone else's. All I knew is that I had to be alone to remember the one I tried to hard to forget.**


	6. Chapter 4: Remember

4. Remember

I have absolutely no clue where I'm at right now. Other than the big tree I'm sitting next to, I've got nothing.

I was in a big field full of wild flowers and buzzing bees. The birds flew away once I sat down here, obviously afraid of me, but who wouldn't be?

I felt life around here though. I felt the life of the tree right next to me, the life of the ground-I could hear the worms, so cool-I could listen to the leaves fall around me, I felt everything around me, almost like it was pulsing its energy towards me.

Remembering never came easy for me. I listened to stories dad told me, but like I said, I stopped listening after a while. I didn't want to hear how wonderful Claire was anymore. I didn't want to know who she saved or how she loved, or who she was for that matter, but it was still stuck in my mind. I never really wanted to forget, I just wanted to suffer in my own way. In silence. Alone.

No one just seemed to get that around here. Everyone pushed themselves on to me, hoping I would just smile and feel better. Yeah right. No one may see it, but I can feel the resentment Jason has towards me. I know he has it. He may deny it, but my father hates me. I know he loves me too, I'm not a complete idiot-sort of-but its not enough.

Now you may think I'm some sap who just wants love from his father, but I'm not. I don't need him. I don't need anybody. I never have. I stayed because it was convenient. It was the only thing I ever knew. Sure I loved them, in a way, but I don't belong with them. It would be more prudent if I could just disappear, to have never been born, but I'm here now. I can't change it.

I know who I am. I'm Jonathan Charles Greenfield. I've been 17 for thirty four years. I look like my father with my mother's eyes-hello Harry Potter-and I'm just as tall as him. My voice is deeper than his and sometimes I think I am even stronger than him. I think books are stupid, TV is retarded, and school is pointless. Girls are everything. Girls are meant for my disposal, to use and throw away.

That's who I am, but I have no clue _what_ I am.

I'm part human, that's obvious. I have blood and a heart and all that. I'm part vampire, hence the blood drinking and not having to sleep. But it's the other half I'm worried about. I'm tall as a werewolf, but I have none of the other features. No shape shifting, no howling, no changing in the moon. I can't phase on the fly like Jason can, in fact I can't phase at all. We don't know what it is. I get really angry, and sometimes I can feel it coming, but then my body tries to rip itself apart pretty much. If it wasn't for the dog teeth I grow, I doubt anyone of them would believe I'm part wolf anything.

I'm not normal, I get that. But I'm not like anything or anyone. I've met tons of vampires and werewolves, shape shifters and half vampires, and some creatures that have gifts beyond imagination. Me? I got nothing. No mind reading, no red bolts coming from my eyes, not even a boring shield like Bella's. I'm just some normal freak. Is that an oxymoron or what?

I reached for my back pocket and pulled out a picture. It was old and worn, the edges were starting to bend, but it was the only thing I treasured in my life.

It was a picture of Jason and Claire.

It was simple. Nothing flashy for them. They were sitting on the beach, unaware of everything around them it looked like. Jason had his arm around Claire-who was still a vampire at this point-and they were both smiling, lost in each other. The moon was in the back ground, shining over the black waters.

Taylor gave it to me years ago, saying it was something I should have. She told me how Jason asked her to marry him that night, so when I looked closer I could see the ring on her finger. I loved this picture, but no one knew I had it except her. I kept it well hidden, but it went everywhere with me.

Now looking at it, I couldn't help but see the beauty in Claire's face. She was perfect, her face and body was flawless. Her red eyes glowed like rubies in the dark, but right here with her warm, smiling face, they didn't seem so menacing. Her blonde hair looked so soft, almost silver in the direct gaze of the moon's light. The way she looked alive and happy, like nothing could destroy the world, but yet I could still see it.

Underneath all her smiles and laughs was a wall. I could see the troubles she had been through. She looked strong after everything she had to go through. I saw the pain in her face as she sat next to him, taking all her will not to kill Jason. I saw the way her body was coiled, ready to pounce at a moments notice. All these things went unnoticed by the naked eye, but I knew all to well about this body language. Claire was hiding something, everyone was, but especially her. I did the same thing. I carefully guarded my thoughts and very rarely did Syd see something I didn't want her too. I was sneaky, too sneaky sometimes for my own good.

I built the same kind of wall over the years, blocking out things I didn't want anyone to see. I hid my fears, my pain, and my torment, hoping no one would see how weak I really was. I put on a show for the girls, acting all tough and like I was better than everyone out there. Sex, lies, parties, women, yep it was all there, hidden carefully under them. I chose this life. It didn't make me happy, but in a way I loved it. But who really finds happiness around here?

It's a once in a lifetime thing to find your soul mate. You don't just find them out of the blue, sometimes you do, but not anymore. Its not love at first sight like it used to be, no romantic dates or coincidences. Just life. Just love. And boy were they like oil and water. They don't mix easily, if at all.

I don't plan to fall in love. When I was a kid I would tell dad how much I wanted to find someone like his Claire and marry her too. How I would take care of her and treat her right. How I would love her until the end of time. He would just smile and laugh with me as I made these crazy plans on how to find her, but I never did and I'm sure I never will. I'm content where I am now. Who needs a wife when I'm living every mans dream?

After putting the picture away I stood up and stretched. I heard my spine crack as I twisted it around. I backed up from the tree, then I turned to face it head on. I sprinted towards it and I jumped right before I hit the base of it. I dug my hands into the bark, the wood crushing under my steel grip. I climbed up higher and higher, until I reached the very top. I held on to the branches and hoisted myself over the leaves to see over the top.

I never got over the beauty of seeing things from a different view. The field was bigger than I thought. It stretched on for miles, trees clumped together in some places where in others is was just grass. Life went on here, unfazed by life from the city. Unaware of the monster lurking in their midst. Poor saps.

I set my feet and jumped a little higher, balancing on a branch, crouched low so I could spring better. I felt my legs tighten, waiting for the signal to be released.

Then I was flying.

The air was a rush. The wind made my clothes flow around madly. My hair was everywhere, blonde curls bouncing in the air. I pointed my hands, making my body straight and rigid as a statue. I sliced through the air, going at speeds well over two hundred. I laughed breathlessly, the sound caught in the wind. The ground swirled at me. When my feet hit the ground, dirt flew everywhere. The impact had made a huge crater around my body, but I was perfectly fine. Better than fine. There was something about speed that always made me feel better. Thank god I was built for speed.

And it wasn't just my vampire speed at all. Some thought I had a gift for speed, but I doubted it. My calves were just as big, if not bigger than Jason's. It was like everything he gave me was amplified. Even my eyes looked bluer than Claire's. At least that's what they think. But I was _fast_. Edward was a snail compared to me. I was just a blur of a blonde kid. Skylar said I got it from Claire, that she was just as fast. That was something I liked. To know I have some traits from her that I haven't screwed up.

I was still laughing when I got up.

I felt the note in my pocket. I took it out and crumpled it up. I didn't want anything to do with it. I was sure Cody gave it to me to mess with my head. I really didn't care to tell the truth. It didn't matter one bit to me.

This day had been a long one. I haven't had so much excitement for a while, and I didn't like it. I wanted to go back to the normal cycle I had. Cody could go to hell, everyone can go back to leaving me alone, and I could go to a party and get drunk or something. That sounded fine to me.

The sun was starting to set when I started to run again. I ran past a lot of things, but nothing would know I was there. I ran in between cars, people, and I even swiped some cheese burgers from a guy in the drive thru line. It was funny to see his dazed face as he looked around for his missing sandwich.

In an hour I was sitting in Oregon. I was sitting outside my first house. There were faint scents here that I knew were from us, but not even I could make the distinct match. The rain and years washed them away forever. But it was still nice to be here, to remember a simpler time in my life. When I didn't have to worry about anything at first. When I was oblivious to the pain and suffering around me.

I got up and ran again. This time to a place where Jason visited every night. I was near Forks, where the Cullens had lived before. Back a few miles form there was a graveyard where we buried Claire. As expected, Jason was sitting there in front of her head stone. I used to come here with him, but I stopped after I changed a bit.

I inched close enough to hear what he was saying.

"…You were here, Claire. I have no idea what to do about Jonathan. You would, you always had a way to solve something, but I just can't do it. The first couple of years were amazing. I loved seeing his face light up as we talked about you, but after a while he grew quite. Jonathan threw a fit if we even mentioned your name." Jason paused, for a moment it sounded like he was crying, something I had never seen him do.

"He still thinks I hate him and I can't change his way of thinking. I still hear him cry every night when he's here and it kills me to listen to it, but he won't let me interfere. He's closed himself off from us and I can't find a way to get in." he sighed. I saw him push his hands through his hair. "He reminds me of you though. So stubborn." Jason chuckled. "He hates Edward, you know. Its funny to see how he takes from you, and he doesn't even realize it.

"He has your argument side, your loud voice, your joking side, and believe it or not, your kind side. He's so like you, Claire, I just wish you could really meet him. Jonathan can be so gentle it astounds me, but if I even bring it up he gets all rash again.

"I'll get through to him some day, I promise. I told you I would take care for him, and I will. Even if it kills me." he sounded serious. Dad got up and looked around, but he didn't see me. When he left I walked over and sat in his same spot.

I didn't say anything, I just sort of sat there. I listened to the silence around me and relaxed, while still keeping an ear out for an unknown enemy. I looked at the head stone and read it over and over again, the same lines I had memorized before. It was nothing knew, but just the feeling of being next to my mom made me feel safe. It didn't make me feel so alone anymore.

But that feeling went away as soon as I stood up an ran, again.

I returned home two days later.

No one questioned where I had been, it was normal for me to just go AWOL for a while. I took a quick shower, had a quiet breakfast, and went to go pick up Brooke.

She was waiting on her front porch when I pulled up. She jumped off the steps and opened the car door.

Brooke was something to look at. She had dark brown hair that was to her shoulders, mossy green eyes, and a figure you would die for. She was drop dead gorgeous, but I didn't really like her. She was sweet enough, but I didn't love her. I didn't love anybody. She knew it was only a matter of time before I dumped her and moved on to the next girl, but by her face I knew she enjoyed it while it lasted.

"Hey, Jon." Brooke said sweetly.

"Hi." I pushed the pedal down and watched the speed dial reach over one hundred miles an hour. Brooke didn't mind, in fact she loved this car. She knew everything about it, which what first drew me to her besides her body. Brooke was easy to ride with since most other girls were hyperventilating by now.

I parked in the front row for Brooke's sake (you should see the high heels this girl was wearing) and opened her door.

I took her hand and walked into those two front doors to Kenton Ridge High School. I put on a fake, normal smile and tried to act like a normal kid again. I hid everything that would draw attention to me or my family.

I heard Liam call my name, but when I turned around I couldn't focus on his face.

All I saw was the girl standing next to him.


	7. Chapter 5: Rejected

5. Rejected

The girl standing next to Liam was hot. I mean _hot_. It look every strength of my will to not take her right there.

She had dark skin, like a perfect tan every girl wants, but it wasn't overdone. I don't even think it was fake and as she got a closer I was right. Her skin tone was natural, so pretty. The girl had milk chocolate hair that went with her smooth, chestnut skin. Her eyes were a honey color with splotches of more chocolate around the pupil. She was about 5'7 in height, perfectly average, but she had more long legs than torso. Her face was perfect. It was clear of any zits, her eyes were perfectly round, her lips were full, and she had an oval face. There wasn't any trace of makeup on her which intrigued me more. This girl had quite some natural beauty.

What she was wearing was nice too, nothing flashy like most tramps wear. It was just a simple Green Day shirt and blue jeans. She wore pink flip flops and her toe nails were even painted pink. I smiled at those. She was beyond perfect.

And she will be mine.

Liam caught up with me after that.

"Where have you been all week, Jon?" Liam asked. His blonde hair was buzzed, but still a nice length. His eyes were baby blue and that's why his girlfriend, Chelly, first fell for him.

"I've been around." I said. Brooke grasped my hand harder when I kept looking at the new girl.

Liam saw my fascination as well, but he gave me a warning glance. "This is my Cousin, Amber Bay." I heard something in his tone, something I've heard before, but I was too busy thinking about Amber to quite understand it.

Amber smiled attentively.

"How come you never talked about her?" I asked.

Amber answered this time. Her voice was sweet and mesmerizing. "I lived in California all my life." she said. Which explains the natural tan, I thought. "I moved here with my dad after my mom died. Liam's aunt."

I nodded, not really listening. I was too busy staring at her. Brooke brought me back to this world.

"Come on, Jon. We have to get to class." she said, slightly annoyed. I felt her trying to pull me away, but I had to say goodbye to this beautiful creature.

"Nice meeting you Amber." I said swiftly, holding out my hand for her to shake it. A gentleman always catches the eye.

She smiled again and took my hand. "Nice meeting you too, Jonathan." it surprised me to hear my full name, but before I could say something, Brooke was already towing me down the hallway into our first period class: Spanish 3.

We sat in our normal seats, right next to each other, in the back corner. Here our legs were intertwined and my hand was rubbing up and down her waist. If I was able, sometimes I would slip my hand under her shirt, caressing her skin with a warm touch of my fingers.

Sr. Gohal was a great teacher, I just never admired authority figures. They always got in my way.

The bell rang forty five minutes later and then Blake and I went our separates ways. She went to Science while I went to History. Liam and I sat together here and by his body language I already knew something was wrong.

"Stay away from Amber, Jon." he told me sternly before I even took my seat. I gave him a look of shock before it faded into a smile. "I'm serious, keep the hell away from her. I don't need her to become one of your little games. Her mom just died."

Yeah well mine died after I killed her, I think my pain is a little worse. I didn't say it, but I really wanted to.

"What ever, but no promises." I sneered. He glared at me before I was able to continue. "If she wants me that's her fault." I grinned again and Coach Lingham walked in right at that moment, making Liam shut up before he could start yelling.

I stopped breathing. The wind was blowing in from Liam's side from the window. Liam always smelled so good, a misty sort of smell. I wonder what Amber smelt like.

When the bell rang again, I got another death glance from Liam, but I shook it off. I was going to have Amber.

After this I had a free period so I went down to the school library. I skimmed over books until I found a stash I his here a few weeks ago. I picked out some James Patterson books and began to read.

"I don't think those are school appropriate." I voice said from the side, but I knew who it was. Amber sat down next to me on the floor, looking at the title.

"The hell with what the school thinks." her faced soured when I said that so I was guessing she didn't like to cuss. Check that off the list for now.

"Alex Cross is a good series." she said gently.

I shrugged. "It's okay I guess. Nothing like his Maximum Ride series though." I smiled. Amber laughed and leaned her head against the book shelf.

"California to Ohio? That's quite I a difference." I said. She looked back at me with those honey eyes, and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

"I wanted to have some snow." she told me, closing her eyes again. She leaned her head back up against the book shelf, breathing normally.

"Snow." I snorted. Then I looked over at her. When I didn't say anything else, one of her eyes opened slowly.

"I'm sure my shoulder is more comfortable than that metal shelf." I spoke clearly and confidently. I even used a bit of a seductive voice to soften her up.

She blinked. "What would your girlfriend think?" Amber challenged.

"What girlfriend?"

"The one you always have your hands all over."

I nodded looking away. So she had seen us. That was going to make things more difficult, but she couldn't resist my charm, no girl could. I would have her eating out of my hand in a few hours.

"She's not my girlfriend." I told Amber.

"Really." her voice was full of deep sarcasm. I was really starting to like this girl. She had spunk, that was for sure.

"More like friends with benefits." I winked at Amber.

When I looked at her, she had the weirdest expression on her face. Amber looked almost angry, almost disgusted. No, she looked appalled. What hurt worse was that she didn't even seem to have a speck of interest in me. A lot of girls play hard to get, but Amber wasn't playing. I could see in her eyes she didn't want anything to do with me. No girl had ever rejected me.

Until now.

"Great you're one of _those_ boys." she muttered under her breath.

"And what is that?"

She turned to me, her eyes hard. "The kind of guys that think everything is about them, the kind that can get every girl you want, the kind that think women are trash for the disposal. The kind of guys that make me sick. And I am not going to be your toy to waste, Jonathan."

She stood up and walked away.

"We'll see about that Amber." I called to her as she fled out the door. She would be mine. I would have her. Not even she could resist me forever.

I didn't see Amber for the rest of the day. At first I thought she ditched school, but later I saw her with Liam, who was giving me dirty looks. I shrugged my shoulders when I caught his eyes. I had to try.

"Did I hear it right?" Nick came to my side in an instant, followed by the rest of the pack…then to my great delight (sarcasm) came Edward. "Little Jonathan got rejected by a girl?"

I growled. "She wasn't anything special really." I tried to sound nonchalant, but my hopes failed with Edward laughing the whole time. I whipped around to face him.

"You got a problem, Edward?"

He shook his head, clearly trying not to laugh. "Loosen up, Jonathan, there's a first time for everything." Edward's voice made me want to kill him more.

"It's 'Jon' not 'Jonathan'. Get it right."

Jason spoke this time. "It's the name Claire gave you, its the name were going to call you. Got it?" he had some steel in his voice.

That shut me up in a blink. I clenched my fists, trying really hard not to think about Claire. Not right here, not right now. I didn't need this. This place was my territory.

"What ever." I stopped walking and watched Amber get into her car across the lot.

"Coming?" Taylor called, holding the door open to her car.

I shook my head, not looking at her. I saw Brooke approaching me with a big wide smile on her perfect lips. Her hips were swaying from side to side, making my mouth water

"Nah, I'll catch up later."

I kissed Brooke on the mouth passionately.

Before Jason drove away I saw the disappointment on his face. I tried not to let that spoil my night.

Too late.

**It's a sucky chapter, I know, but I'm out of ideas. Please review and maybe a few ideas on where to take Amber and Jonathan. I'd really appreciate it! ~kaitlyn renea**


	8. Chapter 6: Get out

6. Get out

I don't handle rejection very well.

Sure I had a great night with Brooke (wink wink), but there was something about Amber that had me thinking about her the whole time. The way she didn't care, the way even though she hated the kind of guy I am, she didn't judge me because of it. Sure she was pissed, I would be shocked if she wasn't, but sooner or later she was going to be mine.

I thought tonight might be different, but I have been thinking that for years now. Sooner or later the dark, guilty feeling crept up inside of me, dragging my body towards the endless abyss. That might sound very melodramatic, but that's how it felt. I thought of Claire and Jason, the look on his face as I went off with Brooke. The pain I've caused them over the years, not that I care, but still. That's when the tears silently streamed down my face. I felt my body shake like I had many times before, but I was used to this. In a few minutes I would stop and then start again. It was my own personal cycle.

Somewhere through the night I fell asleep.

My eyes were open at the split second the light touched my eyes. I sat up and rubbed them until they felt less like ten pounds and more like feathers. I swung my legs over the bed and slid off without a sound. I grabbed my clothes off the floor, put them on, and stole one more glance at Brooke, who was still sleeping more sound than a rock. I could probably scream and she wouldn't even budge. Mention a shoe sale and that was another issue.

I walked down stairs and went out the door. Since I was stupid and didn't bring my awesome sports car, I had to walk. Sure it wasn't a big deal, but I liked driving my baby. It picked up chicks. Not that I couldn't do that on my own, but first impressions are everything.

For it being six in the morning and with a foot of snow on the ground, there were sure a lot of kids still out. Some were still hung over, not even attempting to stay sober. Walking past them, I recognized some of them. The blonde girl was Sally Thomas, and she was pretty much glued to one of the football jocks, Joeseph Tios. There was one of my best friends, Tony Heinz, with another girl whom I didn't know, but she was good looking.

I didn't bother to say hey. Tony was wasted and probably wouldn't have recognized me if he tried.

Once I reached the door, I hesitated. Did I really want to go inside? I mean this whole week had been hell. For the past thirty years, everything had been normal. Now all of a sudden Cody shows up with some letter from Claire, and it seems like my whole world is spinning out of place. Why did he choose now? Did he have some beeper on me, which told him when I was even remotely happy, so then he can come and squash any peace I had?

Then I swallowed my fear and pushed the door open.

Inside I was surprised to find that they all were waiting for me this morning. Skylar was sitting next to Taylor and Ben. Syd was on the floor with Angel and Nick, while Jason sat on the love seat alone. As normal. I looked at each of their faces with a curios expression, but I blew it all off and walked into the kitchen.

Once I got to the fridge, Jason called, "We need to talk, Jonathan." my hand froze on the door. I wasn't much for talking, but I guess even my own dad could feel the tension in this room. Believe it or not, I did have a connection with him. It was almost like our minds were together, but I just chose to ignore it.

I turned to face the group of people again and I walked out of the kitchen and back into the main room. No one had moved and inch. I sat in the next empty chair that I once imagined myself being told a story by Claire when I was little. I got over that dream real quick.

I watched Jason, waiting for him to speak. Just to throw him off, I pulled the leg rest up, put on a easy smile and put my hands behind my head. "What's on you mind, dad?"

Jason looked at Skylar, as if requesting guidance, but he started to talk any way. But just as he opened his mouth, the door opened and in came someone I really couldn't stand. Edward. Now I had no problem with Bella, mostly because she was so beautiful, but I loved to get at Edward, so I mostly flirted with her. With Bella, she never knew the difference with flirting and being nice when it came to me.

"Look what the cat dragged in." I sneered, now stretching a cocky smile on my lips.

Edward ignored me, but Bella glanced this way. I winked at her. She turned back and grabbed Edward's hand. I chuckled under my breath.

"Hello, Edward." Skylar's voice was tight, but he didn't take his eyes off me. I smiled a bit wider and just kept my eyes on the man my mother hated.

"Skylar." he said. "I heard you had a visit with Cody."

"More like an intrusion." Taylor flipped blonde hair from her face.

"I understand that. Does anyone know where he went?"

"What's it matter to you?" I spat.

Edward spun on his heels. I could see the fire in his eyes when his golden glare met my smile. "Do you want another murder here, Jonathan? Maybe my daughter? I know you've had a lot to deal with, but that doesn't give you a right to push me around."

I puffed out my chest. "I haven't laid a hand on you." I told him like a five year old trying to get out of trouble. It was so sly and so much of a back talk, that I knew he would react.

Bella placed a hand on his arm. "Edward, not now." he looked at his wife and nodded. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath to relax himself.

"He took off after a short confrontation with Angel and I." I told Edward. For a moment I saw some shock flitter across his face as I spoke in a normal tone of voice to him. I didn't always have to be mean with him, it was just so much fun to mess with him.

"I see." Edward answered both my thoughts and out spoken words.

Skylar shot a look at Angel, then snapped his head at me. "What?" it was almost a shriek.

"Angel was talking to someone, I came up-"

"Jonathan." Angel warned.

"No let him finish." Jason lifted a hand, wanting to hear this.

"Whats the magic word?" I teased, going back to my easy going nature.

"Jonathan…"my dad's voice was getting testy.

I smirked.

"Are you trying to be _funny_." Bella was glaring at me. I looked around at the faces staring at me. All of them were looks of hate and anger. I didn't let them see how much it killed me.

"Now that I think about it." I started.

"Enough!" Jason stood up, fury written on his face. I saw a vein bulge on his forehead, just barely hidden under his blonde curls. It was in the same spot mine formed when I got mad. It still struck me as odd that I was literally the spitting image of my father. We couldn't be anymore different on the inside if we tried.

"Your room. Now." his voice was shaking. Well actually every part of him was shaking.

So of course, not liking orders. I said something really stupid. As if I wasn't in enough trouble already. "Or what? You gonna beat me like you did mom? Oh wait I have to talk about Uncle Lukas to do that, don't I?"

Crap. I closed my eyes, knowing I had finally done it. I pretty much just shoved a foot in my mouth.

"Leave." Jason ordered. At first I didn't get it.

"Huh?"

"You are a sad excuse for a son. Get the hell out of my house and my life. Don't ever come near me or this family again."

Wide eyes were all on Jason, including mine.

Searing pain. That's all I felt other than shock. But I couldn't show him how much it hurt me. I didn't need him. I don't need him or anybody. I can survive on my own.

"Jason…I don't think you should-"

"My house, my rules, Taylor. I'm tired of-of his _shit_." Jason's breath came rougher now. Now my jaw was dropped. I had never in my life heard Jason say that word. Others yes, but he even told me himself that he hated those kind.

I must have really pissed him off.

"Fine." I trudged up the stairs to pack my bags. I shoved everything I could get my hands on, and took the money out of me jar. Grabbed a couple debit cards and was on my way down stairs. When I got to the door I had almost expected Jason to tell me to stay. Heaven knows how badly I wanted to.

But I was crushed when all he said was, "Don't come back, Jonathan. You're not welcome here no more."

I nodded.

When I walked out the door, I fought back the tears of failure, the tears of my dad finally having enough of me. The tears of Jason no longer wanting me. I had finally pushed him over the edge, and now I had to pay for it. I held them until I sat right in front of my moms grave. There I poured my heart out in sobs.

I left before Jason showed up there. For once I was afraid of my father. I was afraid that if he saw me there, he would kill me. Yeah, that's how much anger and resentment was in his eyes.

I left one note on the grave for my mom. It was the only things I could say to her.

I'm sorry.

**This chapter any better? Reviews are love…- Kate**


	9. Chapter 7: Outcast

7. Outcast

The female vampire stepped into the room carefully, her eyes guarded, careful. She never took her eyes off of the Volturi Leader, Aro, even though she wasn't afraid of him. Not in the least bit. But she needed him for the moment. She needed his help and whether he knew it or not, he was going to give it to her.

Each face of the Volturi Guard was shocked at her appearance, which didn't surprise her. She wasn't supposed to be here, she knew that, but she had to be. She just had to protect the one she loved, and if that meant joining them, so be it.

She took another step closer.

The guard moved with her, as if they thought they could stop her. Ha! They couldn't touch the female. She knew it and they knew it.

Aro held up his hand. "Peace dear ones." his tone was it's normal, cheerful self. He smiled at her, motioning with his hand to come forward. There were some anxious murmurs in the room, but Aro hushed them with a wave of his hand.

The female stood right in front of him, her chin held high, but she was in so much pain. She couldn't hide the fact of how much it shattered her heart to be away from them, but she had no choice. She had to make sure they were always safe and away from the Volturi's grasp. They may not know of their power yet, but they are connected in such a way that could make a great threat to the Volturi. Even she could see it in their midst, but the Volturi has always been blind, and they would still no longer see them.

She looked around the room, her red eyes resting on every vampire in the room, especially Jane. She felt her lips curl back as she saw her, and then the witch vampire skidded back, her eyes full of fear. The female vampire's laughter filled up the silent room.

"I wish to join you, Aro." she said peacefully, her body still tensed, ready for any sort of fight she could win easily.

Aro shifted on his feet. She saw in his milky red eyes that he was full of joy. He had missed his prize possession. But in truth he had no idea what he was bargaining for. By choosing her, he didn't get the most powerful beings in the world right now. The very creatures that could kill her in a heart beat with their gifts put together like they were meant to be. And she had to make sure no one found out about these two. They needed to be safe from them. She owed that to them.

"What?" Jane shrieked. "Surely, master, she can't come back! She has already chosen her path!"

"Peace, Jane." Aro said quietly. "If it is her wish to come back home to us, I will not let her." Aro looked back at her, his smile warm.

The female faked a smile. She didn't want to be here. She hated this place and the people in it. But this will never be her home. Her home belonged with the most powerful people on planet Earth, the very ones who thought she was dead.

Her home belonged with Jason and Jonathan Greenfield.

_Swish_.

Another three pointer with nothing but net. I back off, my hand still curved in the air, a cocky smile on my lips. I felt the slaps on my back from my team mates, everyone but Jason. Yeah he was still pissed.

He passed the ball to me, but his eyes never touched mine. He never looked at me, or made any notion that I was even alive. For all I knew I was dead to him. Well he's dead to me too. He's been dead for a while.

Last night had been horrible. I tried sleeping on a park bench, and for a while it seemed like it had worked, but then I was getting harassed by a hobo. A hobo! I mean really? So after leaving that frightening conversation I decided not to sleep. I mean I don't need it, so why waste my time?

I looked into the crowd of fans screaming my name. it made me forget all my problems for just a second. It made me think of the life I have here in Ohio. Sure this place had bipolar weather, but this place was also home to me.

That's when my eyes hit someone in the stands. A person that shouldn't be there. I didn't want to see that person standing there, so I tried to change it. And when I blinked, my vision blurred on only that one person, and it seemed like her body changed. so I believed it when I told myself that I was seeing things and I moved quickly to steal the ball.

Only one second had passed.

When I looked at her again, she was looking at her hands with disbelief, but also like she knew what was going on. Like she had just proved her own theory correct, but I couldn't really tell. All I knew was that she was a vampire. She was the only one who had piercing red eyes.

Just like-

"Jon, get your head in the game!" coach yelled.

It almost made me want to break out into a high school musical song, but I just smiled to myself and shot another three pointer.

_Swish_.

The buzzer roared, signaling that the game was over. When I glanced at the score board, I knew we had killed them. Not even Jefferson, home of the dangerous black guys, could defeat one _very _white and pale blonde kid. I laughed as I hit the door to walk into the locker room.

Jason was already gone. I could smell his trail that led to the other end of the locker room.

"Great game, Jon." Liam pat my shoulder. "Man, when you rejected number fifty four's dunk, I thought I was going to go deaf from all the screaming…that mostly came from me." he smiled sheepishly.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I heard you too. Weren't you the one screaming 'Get him little white boy'?"

"Maybe."

I rolled my eyes and shut my locker. We left that place and sat on one of the benches in the gym. People were scrambling out the door, trying to not get caught up in the traffic.

"So I'll see you at your place?" Liam asked, getting ready to get up and leave.

"No!" I answered a little too quickly. "I mean I won't be over there…I'm uh…going out."

He nodded. "With?"

Crap. I hadn't thought of that. Well here goes nothing. "No one."

He stared at me, like he was waiting for the real answer.

"I'm serious, no date tonight."

He boomed with laughter. Sometimes it was just so easy to like Liam, especially with the way he didn't judge me.

"Sure, Jon, what ever. Just don't get a girl pregnant, okay?"

I smile wistfully. "I'll try." I tried to make a joke out of it, but even my voice couldn't fake that. I hadn't had a night with no date in years. Actually I've never had a date. Well like Edward said, there's a first time for everything.

I hate it when he's right.

I walked down the side of the street and went down to sit by a tree. Whew. I just sat there and waited for me to fall asleep, but my eyes wouldn't droop. In fact I haven't been tired all day.

So with the feeling of rejection so raw inside me, my thoughts turned to Amber. She was right to stay away from me, to not give in. I would ruin her life like I had ruined so many other girls' lives. I'm not good for her, nor will I ever be good enough for her.

What was I saying?

I'm Jonathan, for crying out loud! I can get any girl I want, any time I want her. Amber is just playing herd to get. She won't be able to resist me for long. And I will play along with her.

So I rested my head against the tree and closed my eyes, trying to make myself fall asleep. Luckily I was so tired from the game, and I hadn't hunted in the longest time, I zonked out in a second.

_I just have to make sure he's okay,_ Claire told herself as she stepped very carefully through the bushes. She jumped a few fences, wondering what the hell she was doing here. She could be seen, which would ruin her whole plan to keep them both safe. But in that moment, it didn't matter to her.

For the first time in years, she saw the face she had almost forgotten.

Jason stood in the kitchen, oblivious to the girl outside that made his world spin. His hair was just like she remembered it, Blonde and bouncy with the familiar honey color. He had grown over the years, maybe a foot or two, but nothing had really changed. Same green eyes, same Adam's apple, same broad shoulders with a muscular tone. She saw the way he talked, the way he moved, and even Claire could tell how much pain he was in.

He was never good at hiding pain.

It was like she could swim in a pool of his pain, she saw that much in his eyes. Then her breath was taken away as Skylar walked into the room. Her stomach clenched as she remembered how much she missed him. It they subconsciously knew she was there, for they all filed in the kitchen, all except the one she was dying to see again.

Angel looked out the window, catching her eye. She gave a silent warning message that she couldn't get too close.

Claire sighed. She wanted to go see them, she wanted to hold them in her strong arms and tell them she was alive and everything was okay. But she couldn't do that. She just had to protect the one she loves.

When she looked back in the window, she saw the only two of the three people who knew she was still alive. Claire needed Angel. And with that she knew that Angel couldn't keep this secret from the mind reading Syd, so she had to let her in on it too. And she couldn't keep it from Edward forever. He would have had to find out sooner or later. She needed all of them, for the time being.

Because one day, she would return to them. Maybe in a few years, maybe days, though she highly doubted that. But one day, they would be together again. For now she had to stay with the Volturi, because she had to keep her loved ones safe. If they knew about Jonathan…she shuddered to think about what they would do.

So looking at Jason one last time, she turned and set out for the one person she needed to see before she returned back to Italy.


	10. Chapter 8: New Home

8. New Home

This was the second week living on my own.

For a few days I crept back silently to that little park bench, sometimes sleeping, sometimes staying wide awake, watching the stars. Occasionally I would bring a girl-or two-to the park for a romantic evening. Then sex, but you know, it was romantic at the start. Then they would scurry away before the sun rose so their parents didn't worry about where they had been all night.

Then as I grew tired of the smell of grass and the sounds of trees constantly moving, I moved towards a homeless shelter. I didn't like it, but Jason had all the money, not me. I wasn't old enough yet. No one asked questions because they were all too eager to help a homeless teenager. I got decent food every day, and in exchange for a home I helped around the place. It wasn't a burden, but I never really did like work.

So my life began as a routine of living on my own. I woke up early, cleaned every bathroom in the place, ate breakfast, went to school, practice, then came back here to do homework. Then after I consumed a lot of food for dinner, I went to work outside, helping some of the weaker humans do their jobs. Sometimes, if I was in a good mood, I would do their work for them, but that wasn't very often.

I didn't do much other than that, but I watched with wide eyes, the world the humans had to face. In a way I was shielded from this way of life, living in a big house, having eons of money to dispose of, good food, and a nice family. These guys had nothing. Now I wasn't going to go on a "Save the World" rampage, but it made me think more highly of the life I have.

Life I _had_ before Jason kicked me out.

At it was all going pretty well, though it first killed me when I found out I couldn't have girls over here, until I started having dreams. And they were all the same! A girl I didn't recognize was talking to me. And we spoke about things I didn't remember later, but I knew they were important. It seemed like she was warning me from something that I didn't understand. She would flip her hair impatiently each night, like she knew I wasn't paying that much attention to her. It was like she was real and she was waiting for me to take this all in.

"_Jonathan, pay attention!" the girl slapped my face harshly before I turned to look at her again._

"_To what? There's nothing about me you know."_

_She closed her eyes and pinched her nose. "I know far more about yourself than you do, but you're not getting the bigger picture. You need to be careful, they will destroy you and your family."_

_I barked out laughter. "My mom is dead and my family has abandoned me. What else can I do but protect myself? I can do this on my own."_

_Her eyes, a color that I couldn't name, filled with a great sadness as I spoke of my mother, but she shook her head vigorously again. "No, Jonathan, you can't. You need Jason's help."_

_I hissed. "I don't need anyone's help but my own! Jason doesn't cant me and I don't want him to. We can't help each other for there is nothing to help! Jason is not stronger than me, there fore I do not need his assistance."_

"_You blind fool! Do you not get what I am telling you? Its like speaking to a wall." the girl took a deep breath, calming herself. "I'm here to warn you, but first you need to get that you and your father are equal. More equal than you will ever know."_

"_Then go harass his dreams and leave me alone. Tell him to request me back and maybe I'll think about it. And I don't even know what you are warning me about! How can I get help when I don't know what will soon be attacking me."_

_She sighed and looked around frantically. "Quickly, for they are coming. You need to train yourself to fight-_

And that's where the dream always ended when my alarm clock went off. As I sat there, eyes closed, I could think about what we had talked about, but when my lids opened ever so slightly, the knowledge of our conversation vanished. And like always, I sat up with a major head ache to start my day.

Wonderful.

I scrubbed the tiles floors and swept any loose dirt away. I cleaned the shower with bleach until I could see it literally sparkle. I sprayed the mirrors hastily, hearing my stomach grumble. I refused to look at my reflection, almost thinking that if I did I would see a monster staring back at me. I finished this process for five bathrooms, cleaning like a neat freak. When I was done I flung the dirty towels down the laundry shoot, ditched the bowl in the cabinet, and put various cleaning supplies in their proper places.

I walked down the hallway with silent foot steps, as normal, so I wouldn't wake up anyone. I opened the door to my room with the same silence and ruffled through my clean clothes. I sniffed around for my favorite cotton shirt with my eyes closed, a little test I liked to put myself through. I smiled as I found the black shirt that Skylar had gotten me a few years ago. It said "Bite Me" on the front and it had little vampire teeth on the back. I always found this hilarious; it was my favorite gift I had gotten for some time.

I slid on some blue jeans with a rip at the knee and sat on the bed, springs barely creaking. Then, trying to kill time like normal, I took stock of the room.

It was pretty much the same size as my old room, but this one was more square. I had put the mattress over by the corner of the room, away from the light of the window, so I could have more room. There was only one dresser, which I put all my work out clothes in, boxers, jeans, shorts, that sort of thing. I hung up all my shirts in my closet, from light to dark. Call me OCD, but I liked it this way. My shoes were stuffed in the back of the closet, but in easy reach if I needed a quick get away. There was on carpet that I put by the door for people to track their muddy shoes, but it didn't really bother me that much, because no one came to visit me.

Not that I wanted them to. If anyone at my school found out I was living in a homeless shelter, it would be the end of my dating career. But then again, maybe girls would think that its hot and would want to have me more. Huh, I hadn't really thought of that. But still. I was symbolized as weak here. I was a teen living on my own, with no money, no family, no anything really. All I had was my duffle bag that I brought here full of clothes. The only important thing that I thought about bringing here was the picture of Jason and Claire. Once I got here I laid that picture on the nightstand next to the bed, it being held up by the lonely lamp.

When Denise, the owner, walked in when I first moved here to see how I was doing, she stopped and picked up the photo. She smiled. "This your girlfriend?" she had asked simply

"No. It's my father's wife." I told her, taking back the picture once she was done looking at it.

"Well, you look very much like him." she smiled again and walked out of the room without a second glance.

That was the only conversation I ever had with her. I never saw her walk around much, but when she did she was always busy, shuffling around with papers, and then introducing new members to the shelter.

When the clock on my night stand beeped, I looked over to see the time. Seven-thirty. Time to eat.

I pulled myself off the bed and stretched my muscles. My back cracked in a few places as I felt each muscle get warm for the day. I stepped out into the empty hallway. It wasn't a very nice hallway, dingy and even rotting in some places, but to these people who had nothing, it was home to them. The doors on each side were lined with even spaces, some decorated by the kids that live there with their single parents. Some, like me, not even having parents here. I slid down the rail and once my feet hit the floor, I could smell eggs and bacon.

I walked to the kitchen room, immediately assaulted with different scents of food, that were so strong. I felt my mouth water, but as my throat burned, I knew I wasn't hungry.

I was _thirsty_.

Moving cautiously through the room, I grabbed a tray anyway and filled it up with ham, bread, eggs, some cereal, two muffins, a half a pound of bacon and some two percent milk. I wolfed it down like normal, feeling the eyes of the kitchen staff burn holes in my shirt from their stares. I tried hard to keep my breathing light, afraid that if I took in their delicious human scent, I would be too weak and pounce on them. Once I was done I put the tray into a pile of dirty dishes.

I walked out of there without a word, as usual, when I heard movement up stairs. People were staring to wake up for their breakfast, but that means any one of them could become mine. I took the stairs two at a time, not breathing, grabbed my book bag, and jumped the stairs before a soul came out of their rooms.

I opened the door, taking in the fresh air of the morning, and turned around. The outside of the building was a creamy white, almost soft brown. The walls were cracking in some areas, while moss and weeds were scaling the wall as a constant rate. The ground around it was full of bugs and dead flowers covered in snow. Taking a few steps, I felt small little snow flakes hit my face. Trudging through the snow wasn't bad, but I bet people were gawking at the crazy kid with no jacket on. Hey, its never cold for a vampire.

So here I walked away from the place I called home for now. It wasn't as good as my old place, but I was lucky I didn't need very many things. Around me the streets were lined with cars, waiting to get to work. People rushed through the side walks, barely missing me by inches, too busy to notice a kid trying to get to school. Some guy shoved over a little girl, who was calling for her mother desperately.

Infuriated, I gave the girl my hand and hoisted her into my arms. "Do you know where your mom went, sweetie?"

She shook her head quickly, obviously full of fear.

I sniffed around her, taking in her scent and her mother's, but for a moment, I wasn't filled with a burning desire to eat her.

I followed the trail and soon found the women, who too was searching for her daughter.

"Excuse me, but does this child belong to you?"

The women turned, her eyes darting to her daughter's face. She lit up with a smile and took to girl from my arms, kissing her head and holding her close. "Thank you." she told me.

I didn't really respond other than a short nod and proceeded to the woods, where there I found a buck.


	11. Chapter 9: Deception

9. Deception

_I held her firmly against my body, my hands all over her, hers in my hair. I pressed her gently against the wall and kissed her, taking in her scent. She jumped and wrapped her legs around my waist, kissing back. With her hands gripping my shirt, she got if off easily enough._

_I walked up the stairs with grace, making each step as not to jostle her. When I laid her on the bed, I got a good look at her face. Her eyes were warm and familiar with mixed honey and chocolate. Her hair was brown as well, and her skin the same chestnut tan._

"Amber."

The spoke words of mine shattered the welcome dream. I bolted upright, drenched in sweat, and looked at the clock next to me. I fell back on the pillow as I realized it was four in the morning. I tried to force myself back to sleep for at least another hour or two, but I was wide awake as if someone dropped icy water on me.

Realizing I wouldn't be able to sleep, I swung my legs over the bed and tried to clear my head. Unlike my normal warning dream that I have gotten every night since I first got here, I dreamt of Amber. How she crept into my mind during the night I will never know. I haven't thought of her since I first met her, let alone talked to her again.

I see her around the school, but she was never alone. Not that I wanted to talk to her, but I could see she was always flocked by the same group of girls, sometimes boys when they wanted a date. As far as I knew she had accepted no one. The girl didn't want to date, I could understand that.

And when she was alone, I could tell she was happier with that. I watched her in the library through the books, feeling like a creeper by watching her like that, but its not like I stalked her. She always had her nose in some big novel and I had to smile at some of her choices. Ted Dekker, James Patterson, Christopher Paolini, L. J Smith, and some others I haven't heard of. I watched her leaf through the pages, her face as intense as if she was actually in the books. Other than that she would study and write on pieces of paper. When the bell rang she would scramble to get everything together and I would watch her go with a pang of longing.

But we never really talked after our time in the library that first day of hers. And I never try to talk to her, because frankly, I don't want to. Yes, she is beautiful, she is kind, wonderful, and looks like a lot of fun to be with, but I don't want her. I know when I can't have something and when I realize it, I just move on. There's plenty more women out there for me and I don't need her. Its just one girl. She can't matter to the world, much less to me.

After finishing my chores in the morning and taking a quick shower, I stuffed food down my throat, which was pleased to have fresh blood in it from yesterday. It was stupid to let myself get that thirsty, but I've had a lot on my mind for the past couple of weeks.

I opened the door and began walking down the sidewalk. I passed a few people who were just hanging out by the walls like the junkies they are, but one guy caught my attention. He was just standing there like he knew everything and when he looked at me, I felt tiny shivers go down my spine. But he was human, I shouldn't be afraid. So I shook off any fear and walked past him.

"Hello, Jonathan." the man's cool voice said.

I froze, muscles locking in place. I turned to look at the blonde man standing there. He looked about twenty years old, a little beard but it was barely noticeable because it was blonde. He wasn't taller than me, but when he strode over to me, I felt very small and insignificant. I felt a rush of fear and the cowering urge to run, but he was just a man.

_A well dressed man_, I noted. He wore expensive clothes. A black jacket over a white shirt. He had on the traditional pants to go with the suit and a white tie. It was all very clean and crisp really. Like he had just gotten out of a business meeting with the president or something.

I narrowed my blue eyes, looking at him. What did he want with me? And more importantly, how did he know who I was?

"Hello." I said cautiously, taking in any danger he might pose. Thought I wanted to take the advantage and just relax, something in my brain told me he was different from any human, something _very_ different.

He chuckled casually. "You don't know who I am do you?" I shook my head and he smiled, showing a row of dazzling white teeth. "What a shame. I knew your mother very well."

My eyes widened and I picked him up by the collar, in the middle of the sidewalk, with eyes staring right at me. Not a very smooth move was it? I put him and walked away, trying to not draw any attention to myself.

Though the pace I was setting would make a normal human jog to keep up, he was walking just as I was. We kept going down the street. I was just wishing that he would stop and leave me alone, but he followed me all the way to school.

"What do you want?" I turned on him, making him stop dead in his tracks. The man looked up at me with a curious expression, but it slid off with a cool and easy smile.

"Forgive me, you don't know my name." he said, ignoring my question. "I am Christopher."

Something about the name tipped me off. _Christopher_, I repeated in my head, seeing how the word sounded. I prattled in my mind, trying to find the connection I knew I had somewhere. I knew this name and I knew I should remember it, but I just couldn't find it.

So I kept him talking, thinking that it might help me figure out why I'm so afraid of him. "You say you knew Claire?"

I saw his eye brows raise as how stiff my tone was, how rigid my body posture was, but he made no comment about it. Instead he said. "Yes, we traveled together for quite some time." I tried not to show my knowledge of how I picked up each of his words. The way he said 'traveled' seemed like a double meaning, but I didn't ask him about it.

"Where to?" I passed over a street, ignoring the honking cars. Christopher was still close on my heals by the time I rounded the next corner.

"All over the place. For centuries I tracked her." he stopped suddenly as his words clicked in my brain.

Now I knew why Christopher sounded so familiar and why I was so afraid of him. One: he was human, yet he's lived for long periods of time. Two: he said he tracked Claire, not traveled. He's a vampire hunter.

Jason told me the story of Christopher a long time ago. He gave me all the details on how they first met and Claire's history with him. She told him, which he passed to me, that he was a vampire hunter with his brother, Aaron, and his sister, Amelia. He told me how dangerous he was and that the only reason Claire survive him was because of how old she was and her gifts. This all would explain how confident he walked, how I just wanted to put my tail between my legs and run as fast as I could.

But as I looked at him with a sharp glare, I saw that he too was afraid of me. The way he backed off a bit, how his shoulders hunched just a centimeter, how his eyes were wary. And he should be afraid. I was Claire's son. Gift or no gift, I had part of her in me and I knew that he knew I was a fighter. That was the only thing I was ever good at besides running. And I got it all from Claire.

So, keeping what ever cool I had in me, I kept walking, seeing the school in my sights. I walked past another Christian school and then a major highway before I slowed my pace down a bit. I checked my watch, almost forgetting of the man walking beside me.

"Vampire hunter, huh?" I kept my voice down, not wanting anyone to hear me even thought we were alone.

He nodded curtly.

I smiled at him, showing _my_ row of dazzling sharp teeth. I had the satisfaction of watching him gulp and wipe some sweat from his brow. I laughed while he joined me with hysterical chuckle. Now I was enjoying myself. Christopher had now lost his confident walk, any threat I felt from him and now I had no clue why I was afraid in the first place.

As the wind blew towards me, carrying the fresh scent of leaves and snow, I saw my family walking down the sidewalk. At first no one looked at me, but that changed when Nick glance this way for a moment, and then did a double take. He nudged Jason and then he looked at me and the person I was talking to. I saw his eyes go wide. He didn't bother to look both ways before he cross the busy street and over to me. Jason glared brutally as Christopher until he shrank back a few steps. Then he grabbed my arm harshly and yanked me over to him.

"What the hell are you thinking, talking to him? Don't you know who he is?" he growled, his eyes darting from Christopher and me.

With a hiss and a warning growl from my chest that made my body shake, I spoke clearly, watching Jason's face covered in disbelief. "You told me to get out, I did. You don't want to deal with me, then quit pretending that you actually care about my safety." I barred my teeth, putting at much acid in my tone as I possibly could. "I'm a sad excuse for a son, right dad?"

I walked away, ushering for Christopher to follow. I felt my dad's drilling stares on my back, but I kept walking. For a moment I saw his hurt expression as I spoke to him for the first time in months, but what right did he have to lie to my face? He didn't actually say the words, but how could he pretend he wanted to keep me safe? Did he think I was some half-wit?

"You shouldn't anger him." Christopher spoke with a tremble in his voice.

_Where was his strength now!_ He tracked down the greatest vampire in my eyes, and tried to kill her. How could he be so afraid. But as I thought about it I did understand. The wrath of a hurting husband for a dead wife was strong and harsh to anyone. Then to a human who was so set on killing his wife before him? That would make my temper simmer too, but he needed to watch him. He could phase, me on the other hand had nothing.

"He shouldn't lie." I spat, not meaning to make him cringe. I took a deep breath, calming my face getting ready to face my won world, in the domain that I ruled.

"Jon!" a girl yelled from behind me. I turned in time to see my new girlfriend for the week, Brooke's best friend, Mallory. I loved chick fights. I planted a kiss on her lips passionately, reminding myself that we were at school at I couldn't get carried away. "Missed you too." she flushed, trying to calm herself too.

I put a fake smile on. When I turned my head, I couldn't help but lock eyes with Amber, her chocolate dotted eyes full of agony. That face had me questioning everything I was doing with my life. But they very second she broke the contact with a red face, I forgot what just passed through my mind.

I mean really, what was I doing with my life, because I have no clue.


	12. Chapter 10: Pride and Prejudice

10. Pride and Prejudice

"Just calm down, Christopher, you're with me. Trust me, you'll be talk of the next week by the end of the day." I told the blonde man beside me, who was now a junior since I sweet talked our principal, Miss Jennifer Corwell. Mostly she agreed because I slept with her too, but that's a secret that no one knows.

"Sure."

I rolled my eyes, still holding Mallory's hand. "Go grab me a pop." I whispered in her ear. She smiled and went to go find me one, not willing to somehow upset me by not doing what I ask. To these girls, dating me was a privilege, and if you lasted more than a week, you must have been doing something right.

When she was out of sight I grabbed a hold of Denise and Sarah, both identical twin sisters. I introduced Denise to Chris and then I took Sarah and kissed her firmly on the mouth. She giggled at my touch, but I knew Mallory would be back soon, so I left Sarah a note to meet me at the park tonight.

Denise seemed to take a liking to Christopher, so I made a little double date for the night. Chris would thank me later.

When we both walked away, Christopher leaned over next to me. "I thought you're dating Mallory?"

I smirked. "Your point is?"

He seemed confused.

I explained. "Girls are here for me and I take them as I want them. If I was that girl," I pointed to a red head with freckles, "I'll have her. This is my school, you would do well to remember that."

He smiled wickedly, and I knew he understood, he was a guy too after all.

We walked to class after class, girls staring not only at me but my new friend as well. Vampire hunter or not, this guy was cool, and I liked him. Liam came to sit with us after a while, but his eyes were unreadable. We talked a bit, but mostly he was silent. He was just jealous I met a new guy that all the girls were raving about.

We parted as soon as I went to the library and then I looked around for Amber, subconsciously of course, but she wasn't there. I walked back to my spot behind numerous book shelves and sat down on a stool. I reached my hands through the metal shelf and pulled out some of my favorite books. I began to read the lines I've already memorized, but I couldn't help but wonder where Amber was. Its not like I cared or anything, definitely not that, it just bugged me. Oh well, it doesn't matter…

"You need to get this through your thick skull, Jacob. You _can't tell anyone_ that I'm alive, okay?" Claire was getting very agitated at the werewolf sitting in front of her. Yes, she loved him to death, but it was like talking to a brick wall.

"But it kills him! Do you like to see Jason in so much pain?" he retorted, being stubborn as usual.

Claire winced. "What do you think? I'm doing this to protect him. You're lucky that you even saw me at all, but I couldn't just let that boy die without me doing anything." Claire's mind flashed back to how Jacob even found out she was alive in the first place. That poor child…

"Your lucky I recognized you. Why do you look like that?"

She glanced at her new body. A slender blonde with long legs. She was beautiful, yes, but she didn't like this body. She wanted _her_ body, but she had no clue how to fix it. She remembered feeling the shock at first looking in the mirror. Her blazing green eyes, her tan skin, how her hair looked more bleach than blonde. Yes the body was skinnier, but Claire was never fat in the first place.

"We could have killed you, Claire." Jacob's eyes creased with worry while Claire snorted.

"Look, Jonathan is more powerful that anyone realizes. He didn't want to see me, so he made this body for me so he wouldn't see his dead mother. Its hard to explain, but trust me, don't get on Jonathan's bad side. He could kill you in an instant. He could kill me if he wanted to."

That shocked Jacob, who nodded. "But what do I tell Renesmee? How can I lie to her?"

"I don't know!" Claire screamed._ Temper, temper,_ she warned herself. She was too much on the edge, she shouldn't even be here. "Just think of something okay? I have to go." she turned to run, but felt a flame hot hand clamp down on her arm.

"Come back okay? You don't understand how much agony they're both in. Jonathan still cries in his sleep." Jacob hugged her, making her twitch at the awful smell. But how could she not feel guilty? Her only son was crying over her dead body, when really, she's not dead.

_I'm a terrible mother,_ she thought to herself before running back to the creatures she wanted to destroy.

As soon as the bell rang, I knew I had to go home. I walked the few miles to the house, ditching Christopher to find his own way to where ever the hell he lives. Cars passed me as I crossed the highway and jogged up the side of the road. After ten minutes I got to the house and took a deep breath. They weren't home yet and if I was lucky I could breeze in and out before they got back.

I unlocked the front door with my spare key and entered the house I haven't been in for weeks. The smell was the same. The place was still the same. No moved chairs, no broken glass, it was like a perfect American home. I tried to hide how much it hurt that they probably didn't miss me and they were better off without me.

I went headlong up the stairs, not hesitating when I entered the room I shared with Jason. I took another bag form the closet and starting stuffing more clothes in, the things that I didn't have time to get. Once I cleared the closet of my things, I went to the drawer and cleaned them out too. I filled another bag full of my belongings and my pillow.

Since no one was home yet and I heard no cars, I pushed my luck to get something to eat. The shelter had no good food there and I was starving for some of Angel's Sloppy Joes. For a girl who didn't eat, she sure could cook. Without even bothering to warm them up, I ate them from the bowl, reveling in the sweet taste of meat and Pickles. I love pickles.

Then I raided the fridge for some Gatorade and some Peanut Butter Pie that Esme made just for me. She was always too nice to me, but like I was going to turn down free food. After filling yet another bag full of food, I had three stuffed bags to carry. I went out into the living room and put my hand on the handle, about to leave, when I caught a glimpse of a picture.

When I got a better look at it, I saw which one it was.

Angry, I threw the frame into the wall, smiling at the sound and sight of shattered glass. Then I threw all of the pictures into the wall, seeing a sea of glass scattered all over the wooden floor, anger surging through my veins. For a moment I thought about lighting it on fire, but for some reason I decided against it.

The door opened.

I turned, not remembering that I heard a car coming down the road. Then filed in like little puppies were my old family, the ones who kicked me out. And, of course, Jason was the first one in the door.

They all stared at me like I was some ghost. But that all shattered as soon as Jason spoke.

"What are you doing here?" he said calmly, keeping his emotions in check. It was almost as if he still cared that I was hanging with a vampire hunter. Yeah right.

"I came to get more of my stuff. You can't expect me to live in a shelter with nothing." I shrugged as if it was no big deal, but to Taylor, Angel, and Syd, this was a major deal.

"What!" Angel's voice went through the roof it was so high. I even hurt my ears a bit, having sensitive dog ears can do that to you. "How can you-"

"You live in a homeless shelter?" Syd finished for her, coming closer to me, concern on her face.

"Oh, Jason, you and your stupid pride have let this go too far. He's coming back." Taylor reached for my bag, but I jerked at away.

"This has nothing to do with my pride, I'm doing this because the boy needs to learn some manners."

" 'The boy'? Is that what he is now? If you haven't noticed _he's your son_. Claire would never stand for this-"

"Claire has nothing to do with this, Taylor!" Jason shouted. I even saw veins pop out in his neck, but I also recognized that sadness in his eyes.

"She has everything to do with this! She died for Jonathan and this is how you're going to treat him?"

Now Jason was angry. "She's dead, Taylor. Don't you get that? I'm alone in this."

"Alone?" Syd screamed. "Jason, you have never been alone with him. We've been here too."

"Yeah and if you don't recall, I happen to be her best friend, who knows much more about her than you ever did!" Taylor slapped him hard across the face.

"Is that so?" Jason challenged, spitting blood on the ground from where she had hit him.

"Yeah it is!"

"Enough!" I yelled, grabbing everyone's attention. "Claire's dead because of me, end of story. Now if you don't mind I would like to go home."

"You are home." Angel said, her face full of agony.

I turned to Jason and spoke to her without taking my eyes from his. "Clearly I'm not welcome anymore." then I dropped my eyes from his and grabbed my keys off the counter. I hugged my sisters and told them it was okay, that I was fine. It was a lie, but I was good at them anyhow.

"Be seeing you." I told them. And of course Jason had to have the last word.

"Not if I can help it." he growled.

"Oh that's it!" Angel's scream pierced the room just as I shut the door. I heard glass breaking, things flying through the rooms and loud thuds hitting the ground.

I revved the engine, making the house silent for a moment before the fight continued. I made my way through the town and towards the outskirts of Dayton. There I rested in the homeless shelter, refusing to let what Jason said get to me. Angel and them had defended me, which means they still like me right? I can't be all bad if they still want me. But why didn't Nick or Ben speak up, and especially Skylar?

And like normal, with the onslaught of the memory of Claire, the tears came harder tonight. With my dad who hates me and my mom who's dead because of me, its hard not to cry yourself to sleep…again.

I hate my life.

But I had a date with Sarah tonight and I needed to get ready. I washed my face and changed my clothes, donning the cologne that I didn't need-I smell great anyway. And when I got there and saw Chris with Denise and Sarah waiting patiently, I felt a smile tug at my lips, thinking of the ways to make Sarah's night the best she's ever had…


	13. Chapter 11: Volunteer

11. Volunteer

The same dream with the same girl is getting pretty annoying. I don't even know who she is. It seems like I should, but I don't. she had this sandy blonde hair and green eyes, a skinny waist and hardly any muscles. She seemed weak, but for some reason I got the feeling she was strong. The girl gave off some vibe that made me want to cower at her feet, like she was the most powerful being on Earth, but she just kept telling me I'm in danger and I'm more powerful than I realize. Blah blah blah. I mean the first time was scary but now after weeks of having it? I'm done. It can go away. But she didn't. every night she creeps up in everything I dream about, telling me the warning and how my father and I need to settle our differences. Am I going crazy?

I stretched and felt Sarah's warm body next to mine, still deep in slumber. We were still laying under a blanket with a thick foam underneath us for comfort. I kissed her neck, feeling the veins under her skin and pulled away with regret that I didn't drink form her. I pushed the covers away from me and stood up, surveying the land around me. Christopher was laying with his arm around Denise; their night had gone just as well as mine did.

And it did go good. I took out every ounce of anger and poured into passion and lust. I gave Sarah everything, not holding back, and I knew she had enjoyed herself, but me? Like always I'm still left with something missing, but I still get a kick out of it.

I woke all three of them up, telling them if the girls didn't come home before dawn, the parents would worry. So the two girls got dressed in the trees behind the park while Chris and I just slid some pants on. I drove them each home and helped the girls climb through the windows. They each got in with no problem and promised to call me later if anything goes wrong.

"That was niceee." Chris's words slurred, still groggy from waking up so early. I was so sued to it that it didn't bother me. Not that I needed sleep anyway. That was the bright side to all of this.

I cracked a fake smile. "Glad you enjoyed yourself."

"Denise was a tiger." clearly he wasn't improving. He really needed a coffee from Speedway or something.

"I don't want to hear it." I laughed, plugging my ears.

We drove in silence then. Chris directed me to where he lives. I wound through cars, passing them going faster than any racecar would go. The funniest part was having the windows down and looking at our hair when we were done. We had our share of chuckles until I actually looked at the place where I parked.

The house was huge. It was white and a good three stories tall and wide. Windows covered the house, some round and square. There was one curving out in the front house, and there I could see chairs and a few lights on. Around the house was its own little creek. To get to the door you had to go across this bridge that was laced with lights and I was sure it looked beautiful at night. There were two pillars at the front door, and at the top of them was a porch that I was guessing you could get in from the inside when you walked up the stairs. Trees covered the place, leaves blowing around the yard. There was no patch of brown grass and there were so many flowers. The smell was almost overwhelming.

I saw the porch light flick on.

"You like it?" Chris asked, grinning at my expression.

"Its nice." I said appreciatively.

"Thanks." he opened the door. "Well thanks for the ride home,. I'd love to invite you inside, but I doubt my brother and sister would take to kindly to a vamp in the house."

"Part human too." I raised my hands in defense. I really liked this guy. He was easy to talk to. Now I could see how Claire first feel for his trap. Was I doing the same thing?

He smiled and I had the sudden urge to get out of here. I was underestimating him. Jason told me once how the only reason Claire survive him was because of her gift. Could I defend myself against this human, who killed my kind for a living and stayed young somehow?

"Bye, Christopher." I shut the door for him, but nicely. If anything I didn't need him thinking that I was afraid. Jason had taught me to fight and he was the best fighter I've known. I could bring him down. But I took off down the driveway as soon as he nodded to me.

I drove slower back to the shelter-I was in no hurry to get back to there. Nothing really drew me to that place. It wasn't my home. I _did_ belong with my real family, but my dad didn't want me.

"I just want my mom." I whispered to myself, highly aware that it was the first time I've said that in my entire life. I always thought I could do things on my own, but all I really want is my mom. But I couldn't have her. She's dead. I killed her. Life sucks.

So, like I told myself years ago, I wasn't capable of loving or being loved. I drive everyone away. Take a look at my dad. And this girl I dated ten years ago. She stuck with me for months, my longest relationship. I really liked her, but I didn't love her. She always told me that she loved me, but every night I got drunk and had sex with another girl. One day she just gave up on me. It hurt, but I knew that I didn't really want her. So I do drive everyone away. I drive everyone I love away. I loved her, I just didn't know how to love her like I should have.

I parked the parking lot. I took a few deep breaths and yanked the keys out of the ignition. Key chains are funny really. Their just a handy dandy way to lose all of your keys at once.

After banging my head against the steering wheel a few times, I opened the door, welcoming the breeze of the fresh air. I walked up the ramp to the shelter and eased the door open.

People were just standing around, just like before. Some were sitting in chairs, some on the floor, while other just shuffled their feet like zombies. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them were zombies. I passed a few of them and then made my way to my room. I sat on the bed for a second. I looked around my room like normal, feeling an odd sense of unease.

I cleaned the place up a bit, wiped the dust from the shelf and the lonely fan. I cracked the only window open to let the breeze come in. I was then that I smelled a mist coming through and hear the steady thrum of rain. I closed my eyes and smiled, feeling my tense muscles calm. I always loved the rain.

I rested my head on the pillow and shut my eyes. I had an hour to sleep before I had to do some chores. I was out before one minute had passed.

This time I hit the alarm clock a little too hard and I heard it break. I scoops up the pieces, threw it in the trash, and wrote a note to get a new one. I shuffled the each bathroom and cleaned them quickly, not really caring how well I did them or not. Once I ditched the supplies in their proper places I head down to get some breakfast.

I slid down the railing of the stairs, feeling like Tony Hawk for a moment, and landed with my feet both planted firmly on the floor. I walked briskly to the kitchen, listening to my stomach grumble as the smell hit me. I got in line and piled food on my plate. I took my seat in the corner like normal, not talking or socializing with anyone. People thought I was crazy, but let them judge. Its what humans do don't they?

I went back for thirds, not even close to being full. I was the last one to eat today so I got to have to leftovers. Which means I get to eat how much I want. I was done after my seventh plate full, still hungry, but I didn't want to run this place dry.

I set my plate down on the counter, ready for the people to wash, when I felt someone watching me. I shook it off, still feeling a bit weird and suspicious. But when I turned out I glanced around to find the one that watching me. That's when I saw her.

Amber Bay was sitting across the room, sitting with a few kids that had no one. She had paused in her bite and was still looking at me. I gulped down some more leftover toast and rubbed my neck. I avoided her eyes now and walked back to the stairs.

"I'll be back." I heard her tell the children. Then I heard her foot falls coming up from behind me. For the most part I tried to ignore her, but she caught up with me to my surprise. "Jonathan?" she asked, shock still thick in her voice.

I stopped and turned to look at her beautiful face. She had to looked up at me since I was so tall, but her jaw was locked, but concern flooded her honey eyes.

"What?"

She looked to her left and then back at me. "What are you doing here?"

"What's it to you?" I retorted and began to walk again. She kept up effortlessly like last time.

"Nothing really, I was just curious."

"Well then get your nose out stuff you don't belong in and go bother someone else." ouch, I knew that must have really hurt her. I never meant to be rude to her, I don't' even know why I was mad. Maybe I just didn't want her of all people to see me here, like I was weak or something.

"Sorry." she mumbled, "Just thought I'd say 'hi'. She turned to walk away.

"Amber," I grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. I looked down in her eyes, taking in her sorrowful expression and feeling the sadness in mine. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's been a rough week."

She nodded and wriggled out of my grasp.

"I really am sorry." I told her. She looked back up at me.

"I forgive you." she teased half heartedly. She pulled her hands through her long, thick, milk chocolate hair. "So what are you doing here? Do you volunteer like I do?" she seemed amused by the thought, but also hoping that maybe I do. I didn't know what that was about.

I paused and looked away. "No. I live here."

"Jonathan?" Amber pulled my eyes back to her, my face hot. "But your family? Your brothers and sisters…"

"They kicked me out. They don't like how I'm living my life." I told her truthfully. Sort of.

"I don't blame them." she said.

I glared at her.

"No! Not like that. Of course they shouldn't have kicked you out, but your not exactly living like a good person should." she said kindly, trying to get met to stop looking at her like I was going to stab her.

"It's my life," was all I said. "And what does a good person do? Volunteer? That would make me seem like a goody two shoes, just like you."

Amber's forehead wrinkled. "I'm not."

I snorted. "What ever you want to believe, shorty."

"Do you ever take into consideration anyone else's feelings?" Amber asked, angrily. She took long strides to keep up with mine as we went up the stairs. I paused at my door.

"I will when they take my feelings into consideration." I told her, looking down over her, towering over her small body. To my amazement she didn't back down. She held her ground, but then she took a step back.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Fine, Jonathan, be this person that you think you are. Break hearts if that makes you happy. But if you ever want someone to love you back, or your family to be proud of you, I suggest you cut the crap real fast." Amber walked down the hallway and just as she was about to walk down the stairs, she stopped and turned around for a second. "I won't tell anyone, you know. About you living here. It'll be our secret." she looked like she felt sorry for me, but in the I'm-better-than-you way. More in the I-wish-I-could-help-somehow. Well I don't need her help.

But as I thought about those words the entire day, her face consuming my mind, I realized that tonight was the first night I didn't cry myself to sleep.


	14. Chapter 12: Offers

12. Offers

Amber ended up coming back day after day. Every time I woke up in the morning, I walked down the stairs to find her sitting with more kids, listening to their pointless stories as they all ate. She would help people get to their rooms, cut food, make food, and read stories to the little ones at night. Amber seemed to always be doing something when she was here. There was only one time I saw her fall asleep on one of the love seats. It was that one time I put a blanket over her gently, so she wouldn't get chilled during the night. That was the only kind act I had towards her, and she never knew.

We never talked much. Just a simple 'hello' or 'what's up?'. Nothing too special or enough to make a conversation. And really I didn't want to talk with her. There was no point. I couldn't sleep with her, and I didn't want to be friends, so I found no reason to socialize much with Amber.

Though, not to much surprise, she kept her word. When I passed the halls at school, there wasn't a whisper about where I live. People still assumed I lived with my family, that I had a rock star life, when really I was living in the dumps somewhere in Dayton. I felt a small sense of gratitude that she didn't cause a week or two of chaos for my already chaotic life.

Then it hit me that she felt sorry for me again. Well I didn't need her pity. I didn't need anyone, especially not my family. I could do this myself, no help from the outside world, no one to trust but myself. And sometimes, I couldn't even do that.

"Dude, what's on your mind?" Christopher waved his bottle of beer in front of me. I hadn't realized I completely zoned out until now. There was just so much racing through my mind. So much that even a vampire mind had trouble keeping it all together.

We were sitting in an alley, alone, drinking Bud light and having blast, seeing how many we can have before we even get buzzed. This might take a while.

"Nothing," was my automatic response.

"Yeah, right, I know that look. You're concentrating on something."

I looked over at him after taking a swig of my own beer. "Since when do you know my looks?"

"You make that face a lot." answer Christopher. Such a simple answer, I was starting to wonder whether he gave any long monologues or anything. On second thought, I'd rather not know.

"I guess I do. I just always have a lot on my mind."

"How old are you, like forty? Enjoy your prime of life." he smiled.

I snorted in my drink, laughing. Sometimes Chris was just too darn funny. Sometimes he would crack jokes only we understood, and others just looked at us blankly. Some though, laughed a fake laugh, trying to be cool like us. Yeah right.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, his voice mocking something intense.

My face was serious when I spoke. "Amber."

"That one hot chick?"

I grinned. "Yeah, that one."

I took another drink, before throwing the bottle in the road and grabbed another one.

"Tell me all about her." Christopher winked, making some sort of a humping motion. I chuckled at the sight of it, spewing more of my drink at him.

"Not like that. She's daddy's little girl, little goody two shoes."

He just winked again and took another drink. Or more like a chug.

We sat there like that in silence for more than two hours, going through beers, until Chris finally passed out. I was still fine for a few more six packs, but I decided that I should drive Chris home.

After gathering up all my courage, I walked straight up the path and right over the lighted bridge. I rapped on the door twice and then walked right away, going over a human's sprinting pace. I wasn't afraid, more like cautious. I really didn't need a fight right now. Once I saw that two figures dragged the guy inside, I drove off without a parting glance.

I parked in the same spot, thinking I might be driving a hole from how usual my day goes. Once I got out and up the long ramp, my arms feeling like dumbbells, I managed to open the door, and guess who's the first person I see? Amber flippin' Bay. Woo.

She smiled and started to make her way towards me. This ought to interesting.

"Hello, Jonathan." she smiled calmly.

"Amber." I jerked a nod and continued to walk up the stairs as she followed.

"Listen, I was talking to my dad the other night, and he was thinking that you shouldn't live here."

"Yeah I keep telling myself that, but I'm too stupid to listen." I just kept on walking until I finally got to my room. I put one hand on the handle and turned to face the beautiful girl standing right behind me, her sight taking my breath away like always.

"I don't believe that." Amber said.

"Believe what?"

"That you're stupid."

I snorted and opened the door, leaving it there for her to come in too. "Well I guess you're the first then."

She hesitated, looking around the room, as if someone was going to jump her if she entered. She looked at me and I put my hands up.

"I'm not in the mood to try anything funny, and frankly, even if I was, I wouldn't with you." I told her. She put her hands on her hips and gave me some sort of look.

"Am I not good enough for you?"

"Far from. I just know a lost cause when I see one. You don't strike me as the skanky type."

Amber rolled her eyes. "Gee thanks."

"I mean unless you want to…" I teased, smiling for the first time in hours.

"I'll pass."

"Okay so what were you and your dad talking about?" I asked, scooting over on the bed. "You can sit down if you want. I don't bite." not much anyway.

She smiled wryly, making me wonder what she was thinking for a moment before she took a seat next to me, not very relaxed. "Well he said that you shouldn't live here and he said you could live with us for a while. If you want to at least."

_Yes! Of course I'll move in with you! I love you!_ The thought caught me so off guard that I lost my breathing for a moment, causing me to choke. I didn't love her. I don't love anyone, and she sure didn't love me. It was more like a lustful crush. I just wanted her body, not her.

But the offer was appealing. I could live with her, earn her trust, and then we could have sex. The plan seemed to full proof for a second, but some part of me said no.

I wanted to live with her, I did, but for some reason I told her no right then and there. I didn't know why or how I came up with that answer when every other part of me was screaming yes, all I knew is that she left that day with a no, and a slightly shocked face.

She hadn't expected the answer of course, and neither had I. she thought I would jump on the opportunity and then try to flirt with her and then sleep with her. She knew how I would play it out, and that's why she was hesitant when she asked, yet still sincere, and that's the part that got me. After thirty years of life, I still didn't understand females, and I doubt I ever will.

The next day at school, Friday, thank god, I sat with Liam and Chris at lunch. The day had gone normal and boring. Mallory was probably crying in the bathroom when word spread about Sarah, but no one was surprised. My family was sitting over on the far side of the room with Jason the only one actually eating. Then as I looked around I spotted a figure coming towards me, or us I should say.

"Hey." Amber smiled, taking a seat across from me, setting her tray of food down.

"Hey?" I replied, giving her a questioning look. "What's up?"

"I thought I'd sit with Liam today."

Something about the way she said that, made me doubt it. Her face and body language told me she was here for something else. It looked more like she was on a mission.

"Actually, that's a lie." Amber tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Can I talk to you?" it took my a second to make me realize she was talking to me.

Unable to find any words, I got up and followed her through the cafeteria. I heard a soft whistle coming from Skylar as I passed, but I was in too much shock to grin.

Amber stopped and turned around. "My dad won't take no for an answer, Jonathan."

I glared. "I don't want or need your pity, Amber. I'm fine."

She rolled her eyes. "Somehow I doubt that. There's something bigger in you that makes you depressed, I don't know what, but something's happen to make you like this."

"Oh now you know my life?" I started sarcastically. "Tell me, oh great one, what's wrong with me because I'm happy with my life."

Lies. All lies.

"Again, you're a bad liar and I don't believe you."

"I don't need you to." I spat at her, leaning closer in her face until she stepped back. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away. "This conversation is over."

"What's your problem?" she hissed, trying to keep her voice down from rising like mine.

"Right now? You. Leave me alone."

"I don't get you, you know that?" she sounded upset and sad. She sounded like this was all my fault, but I didn't even know what I did wrong.

"I'm not a book people read. They know you, then they trample all over you."

"You think I would do that?" her voice was so tender, so soft. I turned and looked straight into Amber's golden eyes and found myself swimming in honey.

I answered truthfully. "No."

She smiled. "Exactly. It's not good to keep things bottled up."

I snorted, relaxing my tensed muscles. "You sound like a therapist."

"Maybe you need one." Amber countered. Then she spoke again. "Maybe one day we can just hang out…and just talk."

"I'd like that."

"I know." she took out a pen from her purse and a piece of paper. She started scribbling something on it, folded it, and then handed it to me. "See you later." she turned to talk away, long brown hair blowing behind her. Amber was a real piece of work.

I felt myself standing there for a long time until Liam finally dragged my butt back to the table to talk.

I couldn't believe it. I hadn't expected anything like that. But it didn't mean anything. Of course it didn't…right?

"What'd she say?" Chris asked, leaning forward.

Chelly was whispering to Tony's girlfriend about Amber, but I was too lost in thought to really make out the words.

"I…I-"

"Spit it out." Liam urged.

The words didn't sound right in my own head, but I think it just happened. "I think I just got asked out on a date."


	15. Chapter 13: First Kiss

**13. First kiss**

**I had a date with Amber Bay. **

**For some reason I kept filling my head with that unfathomable lie. It wasn't a date. Amber wanted to talk to me. She sees something others don't when I use a fake smile, she, like my mother from Jason's stories, could see pain as easily as breathing. Or maybe I was like my father. Maybe I didn't hide my pain at all and no one cared or just didn't want to meddle with my screwed up life. Either way Amber wanted to hear my story, my life, what made me hurt so much, what made me act like I did, other than the fact that I enjoyed being a womanizer. **

**Why did I like hurting women so much? What point did it have? It only made me happy for the few short hours in bed, but when I woke up I still had the feeling that something was eating at me. Not like I was missing something, but as if something was trying to find its way in, trying to eat away all of my old ways. Normally my conscience would tell me to stop, but I stopped listening to that voice a long time ago. Hearing voices is never a good thing.**

**I pulled up to her house. When she first gave me the directions I thought she was kidding. She lived way out in the country, about an hour away form the school. She was surrounded by dense fields of what looked like corn and just some weeds. Horses grazed in their pastures, goats made their noises that almost sounded like they were crying for their mom, and then pigs just snorting, fighting over some of the leftover food. A large barn was in the middle of this. It was probably used to fit **_**all**_** the animals in there and then the tack rooms and a few other storage usages, and still have plenty of room to spare. It was pretty darn big. **

**Her house, off to the side, but near the little farm, was much smaller. It was two story, with nice looking bricks that made the house. It had a large window on the side where I saw lawn chairs and a in ground pool by the maple colored deck. The lawn was freshly mowed, and I would hate to be the one to do it. Lets just say they had a lot of land to keep up. In the driveway was a red 2001 Ford Ranger, a 2008 Jeep, a golf cart, and two four wheelers. Well they had the room for it. And my personal favorite was the glossy, black motorcycle sitting off to the side, inside the garage, accompanied by a white Yukon. **

**I parked my car and walked up to the door, hoping Amber would the one to answer; I'd rather not have to deal with her parents.**

**I rapped on the door, ignoring the doorbell, afraid that if I pushed it, it would moo like a cow for all to hear. I heard foot steps to heavy to be Amber's, so I braced for it to be her father, and I found out I was correct.**

**Her dad was a nice looking guy. He had lean muscles along his arms and legs, showing me who did all the farm work around here. Well, at least for the corn and stuff. He had Amber's eyes, but he had blonde, sandy hair. We were as tall as each other, looking at each other, each wondering who the other actually was.**

**I held out my hand; first impressions are everything. "I'm Jonathan Greenfield." I was so hoping that Amber told him I was coming over to pick her up today.**

**His expression changed in an instant. It went from warm and friendly, to harsh and protective. I bet she told him a little too much about me.**

"**Richard Bay." he shook my hand a little rougher than you would an average human, but I just held firmly, smiling like I was totally innocent.**

"**So you're the boy that has no respect for girls your age."**

**Crap. **

"**Did your mother never teach you anything?"**

**I winced. "She's dead." I said sharply.**

**His face seemed to soften a bit at those words, but he still wore that hard expression that probably wanted to take a shot gun and shoot my lame butt. "Don't try anything funny with my girl, you here me boy?"**

"**I wouldn't dream of it." I smiled a little sarcastically.**

"**I mean it." **

**I barked a laugh. "So do I."**

**He glowered at me.**

"**Where's Amber?" I peered over his shoulder, half expecting her to pop up out of no where like she does so well, but I only saw their living room, which was huge.**

"**She's out back. She was with the pigs, but I think she went to lay out by the pool. God knows why, she's already tanner than a Mexican." he chuckled to himself, then his face went back to the hard mask.**

"**Look, sir, we got off on the wrong foot." I started, pushing my fingers through my hair. "I don't plan on doing anything to you daughter. She just wanted to talk. That's all. I promise." I didn't need her dad as another enemy. **

**He looked over me with one more glowering look and then he smiled, obviously giving me the benefit of the doubt. He was going to trust me for now anyways. But his look told me not to jack it up, or I would pay dearly for it.**

**He told me to go around the house, over to the deck, and there I would find Amber. I climbed over the deck gate; it seems like her dad "forgot" to tell me it was bolted with a lock. I stepped quietly over to the lawn chair where I saw Amber.**

**And the sight took my breath away.**

**Amber was laying thee with ear phones in her ears, mouthing the words to a song she must like. She had on a white bikini and her hair was pulled back in a pony tail. Even though I didn't know how long she had been tanning, I could tell her skin was a shade darker then when I saw her yesterday, Friday morning.**

**I nudged her arm.**

**Amber jerked, jumping up from her seat, her eyes wide and her breathing was coming out in large gusts. I smiled sheepishly as she tried to slow her heart down while glaring at me.**

"**Don't you know not to sneak up on a girl?"**

"**I believe I missed that seminar."**

**She rolled her eyes and picked up her cell phone. "Holy crap! I didn't know it was that late." she stood up in a frenzy, grabbing her towel and iPod. "I need take a shower, but that will only take five minutes-"**

**I put my hand over her mouth. "One, breathe. Two, you don't need a shower, you smell great. Besides I like this look. Its all country and natural." I winked, removing my hand.**

**She pursed her lips. "I don't smell? I've been working with the goats and pigs so I probably stink and then sweating from the heat-"**

**I stopped her again. I stepped closer to her and sniffed her hair. Not that I couldn't smell her from where I was, but it made me seem more normal. "Tanning oil, hay, oats, and…cocoa butter?"**

**She blushed. "Shampoo."**

"**Ah, I see. Yes you smell wonderful, now go get your cowgirl boots, hat and lets get out of here." I said in the best southern accent I could manage without laughing at her expression.**

"**Don't make fun, it's how I roll." **

"**My Dad always told me to make love, not war. Making fun doesn't enter that category." I laughed.**

"**I guess you took it to heart." her voice dropped lower.**

**I stiffened. "I guess so."**

"**Let me get some clothes on and I'll be right out." she headed up the steps to the deck and opened the door.**

"**You could always go in that." I added. She gave me a warning look. I held my hands up. "Just a suggestion."**

"**Whatever, Jonathan." then she closed the door silently and disappeared from sight. I watched her go with a sense of awe, then I quickly recovered and sat on the lawn chair, waiting for her to come out.**

**It was ten minutes before she slid the door shut and bounced up to me.**

"**Okay. I'm ready."**

**I turned to see Amber. She was wearing a blue, plaid, button up shirt with a white undershirt underneath. She had on blue jean shorts, and, probably just to tease me, cowboy boots and a tan cowboy hat on her head. It would be an under statement to say she pulled it off, or even to say that she was beautiful. Amber was much more than that.**

**I smiled. "Nice." I commented. "You're such a country girl." I shook my head and began to walk to my car. Then I said, "Isn't it a little early to be tanning? It's only March."**

"**Let's go." Amber smiled, ignoring me.**

**I expected her to go right to my car, but instead she flipped me the keys and piled into the red pickup truck. I shrugged my shoulders at her innocent expression and opened the door. I shoved the keys in the ignition and revved the engine. It had a soothing purr.**

**I pulled carefully out of the drive, waving at her dad, who was watching through the window. There was s short wave and a narrowing of his eyes, but other than that it was a pretty nice gesture.**

**Once I hit the long stretch of the country road, I pushed this truck up to eighty, seeing what it had before I got it going. **

"**Easy." she complained, then she added, "Do you always drive this fast?"**

**I snorted. "Do you think I had a sports car just to do the speed limit?"**

"**I guess not."**

"**If you don't want me to drive fast, just say the word."**

**She looked surprised. "You'd do that?"**

"**I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."**

**Amber blinked, opened her mouth to say something, then closed it before I heard a whisper. Though from the look on her face, I knew she was debating something in her head.**

"**Where're we going?" her voice was a bit more perky as she peered over the dash board and onto the road. She tried to find a road sign, but there was nothing out here except miles of open land. You might spot a few trees, but those were the only thing embellishing this part of Ohio.**

"**My favorite spot."**

"**And where might that be?"**

"**You'll see."**

"**Hmpf."**

**I rolled my eyes and kept on driving. It took every ounce of my will not to reach over and put my arm over her shoulders. Sometimes I thought I was going to reach for her hand, but then I just let it rest back on the steering wheel. At one point I brushed a hair away form her face, but all she did was say 'thanks' as if it were no big deal.**

**Well it meant a lot to me.**

**For one she trusted me enough to go out alone with me at eleven o'clock in the morning, two she let me joke with her, and then she let me do that. Slowly by slowly I was getting into her heart, but I had no clue why I wanted to be there so much. I didn't know why this one girl made me shiver every time I saw her look at me from my periphial vision, why I was giddy and nervous while I was driving, why all of a sudden I wondered if I looked good. And sometimes when I stole peaks at her and found her already looking at me, I felt my heart lurch.**

**At that was only the beginning. **

**When she would laugh at my lame jokes, I noticed that my mind was playing it over and over again, like it was some song I loved. And I did love it. The sound was so musical. And when she sang a song she knew by heart under her breath, I found myself becoming addicted to that sound. She was a surprisingly good singer.**

**I turned the radio down and she stopped abruptly, looking back out the window. "Why did you stop? I'd love to hear you sing."**

"**It'll probably give you a migraine."**

"**Please?" I breathed, sending a swirl of my breath her way. Amber blinked, inhaling the scent. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply again. Amber seemed to lean forward without even realizing it, trying to intoxicate herself in the smell.**

**I met her in the middle.**

**The kiss was gentle, a soft, kind show of my affection. I put my hand on her neck, my thumb stroking her cheek. For a moment she kissed me back, moving her lips with mine. Her hand even took my other hand, grasping it firmly. She pulled away only to take a breath, but she never came back.**

**I opened my eyes in wonder to see Amber's confused face. It was a mix of emotions. She had wonder as well, anger, confusion, heat, and that soft little glow after a first kiss with someone. And every one of those expression was to be expected.**

**She went back into her seat. "What was that?"**

**I concentrated on my driving. I actually forgot about that while I kissed her, but I was lucky I knew this road by heart.**

"**Well?"**

"**It was a kiss." I said glumly. I didn't like that tone. It was the tone that said she wanted nothing to do with me.**

"**Was that was this was all about? Trying to get inside my head?" she sounded angry. **

"**Of course not." **_**it was because I love you**_**. Again the sudden thought caught me off guard. It wasn't my voice, almost like someone speaking to me in my mind. It was someone telling me something I didn't truly believe. This couldn't be love. I don't love.**

**Amber looked at me for a long, intense moment. Her honey-chocolate eyes were full of some ancient sadness that I had no access to. Her face told me she didn't believe me.**

"**I told you I didn't want to be one of your toys, Jonathan." her voice cracked.**

**Shock flittered across my face, anger flashing in my eyes. "And I told you I didn't want to make you one of them. And they're not **_**toys**_**." I said with disgust. "It's their choice."**

"**Well I am definitely not choosing you."**

**I sucked in a silent breath, grasping my stomach. It felt like someone punched a hole right through me. For a few minutes I couldn't find my lungs, but once I located them, every breath was ragged.**

**Amber seemed to notice my labored breathing because concern replaced the hard anger she had on a moment before. "Are you okay?"**

**I pulled over, not being able to drive anymore with this pain. It was beyond pain. This was excruciating. For a moment of this is what turning into a vampire felt like.**

"**Jonathan?" she put her hand on my thigh, her voice rising in worry. "What happened? What's wrong?"**

**I looked at her for a moment, feeling the sharp sting in my eyes. I couldn't believe I was about to tell her this.**

"**What happened is that I fell in love with you, Amber Bay. And I don't know-or want-to stop."**

**The look on her face gave me moments notice. I ducked under her hand as she swung it hard at me to slap my face.**


	16. Chapter 14: Power

**14. Power**

**The first two things that I noticed were Amber's sad-not angry-face, and the second was that there was a vampire right behind the truck.**

"**Shit," I mumbled. **

**Amber glowered at me, just like her father. Then she turned around to see the same person I did, only she thought he was human. "What? Who is he?" our past little fight and my outburst seemed forgotten when I registered that it was Cody.**

"**Stay in the car. If anything happens I want you to drive fast, and don't stop." I handed her my phone. "Call Jason, tell him Cody wants to kill me." then I slammed open the door and proceeded calmly over to Cody. I didn't give her any explanation to why I told her that, but if my father cared even an ounce about me, fake or not, he would be here in a flash. And if Angel wasn't around, maybe a few seconds.**

"**Cody." I snarled. I was very aware of Amber watching my every movement, giving Jason frantic details as I glowered at my enemy. **

**He only smiled. "Hello again, Jon. Our first meeting was cut short."**

"**Shoot and I was so hoping to chat with you." okay maybe I was really over doing the sarcasm. I snapped my fingers together with a hard smile, matching his.**

**Narrowing his eyes, her took a step forward. I didn't back down. "Did you read the note?"**

"**I threw it away."**

**And his face changed. it went from totally in control to a deep sadness. He shook his head, as if the note would have given me the clue to life and how to miss every bad thing that was going to happen to me. Maybe I would have skipped today, had I known this was going to happen. Maybe not. But his face, it looked so human. He looked like he felt sorry for me that I didn't read what ever was in the note.**

"**What was in it?" I asked, making sure I just didn't let my guard down. If this was a trick, I could pay dearly.**

**Cody's eyes breezed over Amber. "Such a pretty girl. She reminds me of Claire, but then again, so do you."**

**I looked at Amber, just now remembering that I left the windows down. She could hear everything. Her eyes were fearful.**

**I took a step backwards and felt my body slip into a half crouch position, ready to fight.**

"**I mean the human girl no harm, Jon." then he was gone in a flash. Before I could blink once he was back with his hand firmly clamped around Amber's throat. "Of course I could be lying." he smirked.**

**I felt my knees go weak. Amber was squirming under him, trying to break free, but it was like fighting against stone. But I didn't dare give up.**

"**Let go of her." for a second I almost felt the power of the Earth around me, but I felt the same power slip through my fingers as I tried to grasp it.**

**He chuckled. "Just like your mother, I see. She didn't back down either when it came to your father." I noticed how he was careful not to say Jason's name, like he too didn't want to spill the secret.**

**But the next words proved me wrong. **

"**But she was strong. What can a half-vampire do to me?"**

**There was a sharp gasp from Amber.**

**Coming from the distance I heard the purr of an engine, speeding its way towards us. I could tell from the sound it was Jason's old 2009 Mustang GT. I just had to some how make Cody stay long enough for Jason to show up. For some reason I felt safe around Jason all of a sudden. Like some part of my body knew that with Jason, we might be able to kill Cody.**

**Cody had the same thoughts.**

**He seemed to be retreating slowly, as if I was some big threat now. And in fact, now that I look at him more closely, I saw the same underlying fear that had been there the whole time, it was just now resurfacing.**

**He's afraid of me, I thought, taking a few more steps with him. This was my chance. We could finish him. There must be some reason he was afraid, there had to be. This was Cody Evans, the greatest of all vampires, the only one who survived the flood. How could he be afraid of some teenager? Especially me? I had no gifts, no powers, no strengths, but as I looked at him again, I could feel it coming to me.**

**I felt it in my soul-if I had one. The power was being stored there, ready to be unleashed. But I still had no idea what the power was. Then I dipped my mind further into it, I felt the same sensation I have when I try to phase. The same feeling that I'm being ripped in multiple directions. I shoved myself farther into the vast pool that seemed endless with power.**

**Was that what Cody was afraid of? Some power I had no control of?**

**And what about Jason? Did he have this same thing too? Was this the very essence that made us alike, that made people fear us, even Christopher? Was that why Jason just shuddered and I see people flinch, why he just ripples power from every step. It was like he owned the world, but he knew nothing about the control or even that he had it in his grasp. It felt like that for me. I just had stumbled upon, trying to figure out how to finish off Cody, and now I had found it.**

**I grinned wickedly, feeling the confidence consume me so I didn't back off at the last moment. I barred my teeth, feeling two front ones grow into the dog teeth I had every time I got angry. This time it was fury. It was vengeance.**

**Yes that's it! That's the anger and the source of the power. I wasn't blood thirsty in the sense. I wasn't power hungry. I just wanted to avenge my mother's death. It was Cody's fault after all. If she hadn't of been human, she wouldn't have been pregnant, thus she wouldn't have had me, thus causing her death. It all circled back to Cody.**

**A few more steps backwards. Cody wasn't looking like he was in total control anymore. He knew I had stumbled onto something bigger than him, bigger than me. And with Jason here to…**_**complete**_**-yes that word sounded correct-we were unstoppable.**

**But he had Amber.**

**He seemed to have forgotten about her too, for he looked at her in his arms with a new light. He tightened his grip on her neck. Her fingers tried to loosen his grip, but she was only able to gasp for more air.**

**Instead of the power slipping, like most people would assume would because your love was in danger, I felt it grow stronger. Not it was fueled by vengeance **_**and**_** angry. This wasn't Cody's day.**

**Knowing that he wasn't able to scare me, Cody dropped Amber. I would have charged her then, ripping her away from where he was, but by doing that Cody would get away. I told myself Amber wasn't going to get hurt there, and I stood like a statue.**

**Cody lunged at my throat, catching me off guard. His teeth brushed my neck before I knocked him down.**

**Then there was pain.**

**My knees buckled completely as Cody tried his last ditch effort to stop me. I screamed. It was a blood-curdling-horror-movie scream. I felt my own Goosebumps rise, but that was only barely as the pain-the fire-licked at my skin. Of course I knew it wasn't actual fire, but the pain hurt badly. No badly was an understatement. Actually words couldn't describe the pain I felt.**

**I writhed on the ground, feeling my body jerk as something sparked under every vein. More screams came from my already horse throat, but still more came. I had never been in so much pain before in my life. **

**And when the pain stopped, I thought I was dead. Every part of me was numb. **

**And then it went black…**

**It all rushed on me as soon as I knew I wasn't dead. I wasn't numb anymore. Every part of me was a live wire, sending aftershocks through my body. I screamed again. The pain was just too much, why didn't he just kill me? Why was Cody torturing me so? More screams. These ones were more pleading as I felt my consciousness fade again.**

_**Jonathan**_**.**

**The whisper brushed my mind like a feather. For a moment the pain was forgotten as I concentrated on who was speaking. I knew that voice. It was such a simple voice filled with such complexity. It was the voice I was yearning to hear, even now.**

_**Oh God, no. Please Jonathan, you have to wake up. Don't leave me yet. Please…**_

**The voice was fading faster than I expected.**

_**No! **_**I cried in my mind. **_**Don't go away! **_

**It didn't seem to be listening.**

_**Don't be dead**_**, the voice said again. It was Amber's sweet voice, but what was she doing in my head? **

**I released what I hoped to be the last of my screams. It was just as bad as the pain left me in one gentle motion. When it was gone I didn't feel anything, besides the normal. It was like it was never there. Another swirl of darkness swept over my mind, causing me to fall to a new depth. I frantically searched for something, but I could feel nothing. I panicked in this nothingness. This time I really thought I was dead.**

_**Relax, Jonathan.**_** A new voice said. It was female and I knew I had never heard it before. It was sweet and innocent, but still with the taste that it had power beyond imagine. **_**Go back to them. Death is not ready to claim you.**_

**Death?**

**Something shoved me upwards towards the surface, away from the death I had faced. It wasn't painful, but I didn't like it very much either.**

**Now another voice, but I heard it form the outside this time.**

"**Jonathan!" it was Jason. I felt his arms lifting my body up. His voice was strained, like he had been crying. "Jonathan!"**

**I attempted to lift my heavy eye lids.**

"**Jonathan." Jason breathed, sounding more relieved this time. He hoisted me up, carrying me with no problem. "We're going home."**

"**The shelter?" I heard my voice slur. **

**I opened my eyes to see his face. The face that looked like mine, but he seemed ten times older at this point. His green eyes met mine and I was overwhelmed with the love in those Hazel iris's. **

**He barely smiled. "No. I'm taking you **_**home.**_**"**

**Home. And that was my last conscious thought before I drifted off to a slumber.**


	17. Chapter 15: Trusted

15. Trusted

I woke up feeling stronger. As I tensed my muscles and then let go of them, I felt a new found strength in my limbs. I could hear better, I could smell better, although my sense of smell was already at its peak. My tongue was so much more sensitive and even though I had my eyes closed, I knew that my eye sight had been changed as well. I could feel the things around me. I could feel them so much better. I felt a worm digging underground. And I didn't just feel it. I could enter its mind, know how it felt and for the while that I was in it, I almost believed that I was part of the worm. Dogs were barking a few houses down the road, raccoons were getting hit by cars, and I could sense a Hawk flying _hundreds of miles away_. That's the kind of strength I'm talking about.

I dug deep into my own mind, down into my soul, trying to feel the power I had yesterday. With just the slightest touch I got a reaction from it, almost like it was waiting to obey me. But when I tried moving it, I found that it wasn't just something in me. It was a part of me. I had no idea what this power was, what it could do, but I had the feeling that I had just found my gift, I just had no way to control it. It felt powerful though, something much stronger than me, and Cody proved that.

Cody.

My eyes flew open as I bolted upwards. I took everything that was around me into stock. Jason was sitting next to me in the chair, looking at me with more relief as he saw that I was awake. I was in my own bed in my room, the clothes that I had taken had been put back in their places. Carlisle was looking over me with a small smile and then rest of my family was peeking through the door, trying to get a good look at me. Amber wasn't in sight, but I heard her heavy, labored breathing down stairs in the living room.

I was still in come sort of panic slash survival mode. "Where is he? Is Amber alright? What happened? What did he do to me?" the words all came so fast out of my mouth.

Jason was the first to speak. "Cody ran as soon as he saw me." even though I was looking away from him, I could hear the smile in his voice. "Something about the both of us scared the crap out of him." a deep breath. "Cody bit you, sending another course of change through your body. You don't have any trace of human in you anymore. There's more vampire than werewolf in your system now, exactly opposite of me."

"That would explain the pain." little did I know it explained much more than that, I was just to blind to see it at that point.

Carlisle flashed a weary smile. "It hurts doesn't it?"

I only nodded before looking at my dad. "Did it hurt for you too?"

"I don't remember much. All I know is that if Claire hadn't of turned me into a vampire while I was still young, I would be a full blooded werewolf. Pain didn't matter much then either."

"So what am I now? A Pryor-Wolf?" I asked.

He chuckled, looking at me with those dark Hazel eyes. In those I could see the deep set pain from over the years, and the new wounds from seeing me hurt. My dad really did care about me.

"You've always been one, Jon." I was highly aware that he called me 'Jon' instead of my full name for the first time. "Now its just that the human part is gone. You're stronger than before."

That would explain how I felt more powerful, I thought to myself.

"And Amber?"

"Just a few cuts and bruises. Other than that Cody left her with no harm." Carlisle answered in his calm voice. He was always a little too nice.

"That's too much harm for me." I mumbled. I heard a fast intake of breath from Jason, who was looking at me with a peculiar expression. I didn't have time to think about what it meant. "Can I see her?"

"I don't know if its best for you to get up yet. I don't know your species and how fast they-"

But I was already shoving through people just so I could get downstairs. I faintly heard "He doesn't have rules, just like his mother" but I didn't bother to place the words to a voice because I was already sliding down the railing, my feet landing at the bottom with a silent thud. Amber still heard it though.

The look on her face when she saw me made me heart go into over time. Amber lit up with a smile when she saw that I was okay. She bounced up from the couch, sprinted over to me and hurled herself into my arms. I caught her with ease, just holding her close to me body.

"You're okay!" she breathed loudly in my ear.

I chuckled. "You say that like it's a good thing."

"It's a great thing, Jonathan. For a moment I thought I was going to lose you."

"You would have missed me."

Amber smiled beautifully, absolutely elated with joy. "Without a doubt."

I took into stock that I was still holding the most beautiful girl in my world in my arms. I set her down gently while still keeping her hand and towing her to the couch. I hardly thought about how many girls have sat on this one couch in the short period that I had been here. Too many to count.

"Look, I have a lot of things to explain to you, things that I've hidden from everybody."

Amber looked away, undoubtedly remembering what Cody had said. "He called you a half vampire. Please tell me its an inside joke."

For a moment I thought about lying to her. I thought about telling Amber that it was all a hoax and I wasn't part vampire. But this would happen again, and she would fall into danger.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "Listen closely okay? I'm not lying or joking when I tell you this. You _have_ to believe me." and she needed to. How could I ever have a relationship with her if she thought I was crazy and didn't believe the truth that was right in front of her? "I'm not human, well not anymore. I'm a half vampire, half werewolf." Amber jerked away from my hand. "No, Amber please. Don't do that. My father is a Pryor-Wolf and my mother was human."

Amber looked at me, waiting for to me say surprise or something like that. When I didn't she asked, "_Was_ human?"

"She died giving birth to me."

Her face softened. It was at that moment I saw the belief. For some reason Amber knew that I wouldn't lie about my mother's death. She knew that I wasn't human like she first believed, and because of that belief, she was in danger.

Amber thought for a moment, taking this better than expected. "Jason's your father." it wasn't a question.

I nodded.

"I don't understand."

"Jason." I called, speaking like he was right next to me and in the next moment, he was. Amber flinched, not knowing that he could move that fast.

"Sorry." then he turned to me. "Yes?"

"Tell Amber about Claire and everyone."

"You know the stories."

"Yes I do know the stories, but I don't know _her_. I never met Claire. I need you to tell it right."

Skylar was there in a flash. "Telling her about my sis will be my job. I've known her the longest."

Taylor snorted as she appeared next to him. "Yeah, but who was her best friend?"

Skylar smirked. "That would still be me."

Then with a _crack_ Nick, Syd and Angel came into the picture.

"But I was her little trooper." Ben was still at the foot of the stairs.

"That's because you were the suck up." Nick chuckled.

"Don't overwhelm her." I cautioned, keeping an eye on Amber's expressions, but she was totally at ease.

"Nah, I like them this way. They're more open." she winked at me.

Skylar cleared his throat in an over dramatic way. "Shall I begin?" it was rhetorical question because he started anyway. First he told her about vampires and how some myths weren't true so she knew the just of our kind. She also explained what I was and my dad so she was pretty clear on that as well, then he went on to the real story. "Claire Emerson was born in France over four thousand years ago. She lived in a small village with her sister Lindsay and her brother…Lukas." Skylar said the name as if it were a curse. Jason hissed, but other than that it went uninterrupted. "There she met Cody Evans. They fell in love with each other, but Claire was unaware of his dark secret. One night after a terrible fight with her parents, over Cody of course, she took him to a cemetery and-"

Skylar stopped short, looking at Jason with a panicked expression. "Do you believe what Cody said about Claire? I mean about what happened there?"

Jason nodded curtly.

"Well there Claire seduced Cody, but she told the world he raped her. She was scared. Cody bit her, thus transforming her into a vampire. When she woke up she was terrified, but she lived her life drinking from humans. She discovered her powerful gift, and created the Volturi-"

"She created the Volturi?" Jason asked the same time I said, "Who's the Volturi?"

"I'll get to you in a second, Jonathan." then he answered Jason. "She started with Aro then with Caius. She moved on to the third brother and began their life together. She helped make the guard and what not. But she decided to leave them, knowing there was a better life out there for her. And she found me, dying from where I tripped and fell off a cliff. She could have saved my human life, but she was lonely so she changed me into a vampire too."

Taylor said, "And after that she met me. Skylar changed me. For years I lived with Claire and him, but I didn't like her. I believed she was trying to steal Skylar from me, but once I got over the jealousy, we became best friends. We traveled until we found-"

"Me." Nick smiled. "Once I was saved Claire found Ben and Sam, the lone werewolf of our group. I didn't find Angel until a few years later. And I changed her as well. Then once we had her, Keith came into the picture, and then Sierra."

A low hiss slid out of my mouth; I knew where this was going. The happy part was over. Now came the complicated.

"We had no idea who changed Keith, but he just sort of joined us." Nick was going on. "He changed Sierra and we all lived like a big happy family. Nothing was wrong, and Claire was happy-sort of. She never really talked about her past must, but we trusted her. She never let us down, and with each of our gifts, she was the only on protecting us from the Volturi."

Carlisle walked down the stairs carefully, making his entrance heard. He was more human than any of us, besides Amber. Or at least he acted like it. "My son, Edward, left Bella, his human love. He hoped that she would be able to live a happy and safe human life without him causing danger. Edward came right to Claire after he left-they used to be such good friends before she found Skylar."

"And Edward stayed for a day. He was really upset and lifeless. I had never met Edward before but I could tell that this wasn't his normal behavior." Skylar eased up out of his chair and walked over to the wall, leaning against it. Everyone but Sierra went hunting that day. You see Sierra had a tendency to say what she was thinking, before she thought about how her words would come across. Edward never did tell us what she said, but she said something about Bella that really upset him. He ended up burning Sierra to death. Claire chased after him with a vengeance, telling him that if she ever saw his face again, she would kill him dead."

Amber was trying to keep up.

"And after that Keith never was the same. He blamed Claire that he never got there in time to save his love, but he never blamed the Cullen that hurt her. From there he met up with Cody secretly, forming ways to get rid of Claire. Cody wanted her to love him so it worked out perfectly. Keith had this mind control gift and he took over my mind, Ben's, Sam's, and Syd's." Taylor said.

"Then she met Jason." everyone said in unison, eyeing him with amused looks. Jason grinned, winked and laughed.

"Claire fell head over heals for this one human boy. She ended up having to protect him from Keith. She actually ended up killing him. But Cody was determined. He stole Jason and planned on killing him, but with some miracle Claire rescued him and bit him. She knew he was turning into a werewolf, but by biting him in the early stages he became Pryor-Wolf, one of the strongest species. And then she fainted."

"But I thought you said vampires don't sleep or do that kind of stuff?" Amber was leaning forward, so engrossed in this story. I could actually see how intense this was for. It was like reading a good book.

"Well Cody wasn't finished with her. He's the strongest vampire in the world, Claire in second. He can doing anything and everything. He made Claire human as soon as she bit Jason. It took her a while but she eventually got as used to it as she could." I barely heard Skylar talk about how Jason beat Claire. I shut it all out as they told of my birth and the things that happened during. How Cody switched with Jason and then how I killed my own mom. I felt Amber's eyes on me as they talked about that in some great detail.

And then for the next couple of hours while Amber asked questions, I half expected her to start screaming "Your all _crazy. _You're out of your _minds_. You're _mental_. There is something _wrong with you"_, but there was nothing like that. Her honey-chocolate eyes seemed so warm, so trusting. There was no hint of doubt when everyone was talking, giving out more details, that we weren't telling her anything but the hard cold truth. Amber trusted me-she trusted all of us. She had no idea how much this moment meant to me. It still meant she was in unbelievable danger for knowing the truth, though I had no idea what or who the danger is, I just knew there was a penalty for knowing we exist.

So many hours of giving out so much information, so many details. Now I knew everything correctly and there was no question in my mind. This was who I came from, but I still felt that nagging in my chest, in my heart.

I stood up. "Would you please stop talking about Claire? Don't you see how much it kills me to hear how wonderful she was, and then to know that I destroyed that perfect life for all of you?"

As all eyes turned to me I faintly realized that it was the first time I said what was really bothering me all these years. That made me shout and yell whenever Claire's name was mentioned. Now they understood everything I had been going through when I put on a fake smile, and tried to hide the sheer agony in my chest.

Jason looked at me with the pain he could never hide. He was such an open book, where I was a vault locked tight with my most precious thoughts, well you know, except for Syd.

"Jonathan."

I looked over at Amber for another second, seeing how much pain she was in by what looked like my pain, then I was assaulted with a powerful thought.

_Jonathan._

I fell backwards on the floor by the weight of that thought that wasn't mine. I snapped my head over to Amber's pain stricken face as the thought brushed my head.

_He's in so much pain, I wonder if I should say something._ She seemed to be arguing with herself. _No, he needs to do this on his own._

Her thoughts changed with an easy smile on my lips.

_Stop staring. It's just his smile. His gorgeous, angel like smile. It goes with his perfect face, his muscular body, Jonathan's just perfect. No wonder he has had so many girls-_

Amber's face clouded over as she broke contact with my eyes. And as soon as she looked away, I couldn't hear her anymore. Could I read her mind? Could I read others? As I looked back at Taylor's eyes, I couldn't read hers so I just assumed either I was crazy, or I could only hear Amber's. that or she had some sort of power, but she was human. Its impossible.

"How old are you?" Amber asked.

"I'm thirty-four."

Amber's eyes brushed mine once more, but only for a second, but it was long enough.

_So many girls,_ Amber thought.

I winced, happy that she couldn't see my face.

So many girls, I thought to myself. So many, many girls.


	18. Chapter 16: Phase

16. Phase

So after we finished all the details about everyone else, guess who we moped onto? Me. Great.

"So Jonathan's a full Pryor-Wolf now?" I felt a smile tug at the corners of my lips as I heard her ask the question. It just seemed so odd to hear her talk about this mythical life. Odd and completely wonderful at the same time.

"I think so." Jason answered, keeping his eyes on me as he spoke, like he had done this the whole duration of the speech. It seemed like he was making sure he didn't upset me in any way, like he was trying to make up for everything that happened before.

"And you said you could turn into a black wolf?"

Jason nodded.

Amber glanced at me, her honey-chocolate eyes cautious. "What can you turn into to?"

I expected this question, but I still didn't have an answer.

"I…can't phase like normal shape shifters can. I've tried but it never worked." I kept my eyes on Amber's, still feeling the odd sense of conviction that I felt when I told her I loved her. She didn't believe me, but for once I felt like I had told the absolute truth in my life with no strings attached.

"How come?" her voice told me that she felt sorry that I wasn't "normal" like the others of my kind.

"We can't figure out." Jason said. "At first I thought it was because of Claire and that he had too much human in him, but that theory quickly faded. Now I don't know if something is wrong with his genes, or if there's something else bigger than phasing for him."

I laughed quietly under my breath. But it did remind me of the power I felt lurking deep inside me like a vast pool.

"Dad?"

Jason's head whipped toward me, and I could see he was fighting a smile. "Yeah?"

"Have you ever felt anything inside you, or heard someone else's thoughts in your head?"

The question took him off guard.

"No." he thought for a second. "Have you?"

I decided to lie to him and I let the subject drop after I answered.

From there on Skylar described a lot of things about that I had no idea he knew. Then the others pitched things in from when I was a child growing up. I had no clue that these people knew so much about me. And here I thought that I was completely alone in this house and no one understood what I was going through. Jason did leave out the fact that I cried myself to sleep every night, and for that I was grateful. Who wanted a girl they loved-or any girl for that matter-know that a guys cries? Yeah some girls find it manly, but we all know it's a pretty little lie to make us feel better.

I noticed how everyone but Jason and Skylar barely talked when we approached a new subject.

"When he was around ten years old, Jonathan understood everything about himself. Not that he didn't before, but it was different. At first he loved hearing about his mom, but after a while he grew tired of hearing how wonderful she was. That's when he came home with his first girlfriend." they had already explained how I was fully grown when I turned six. "From there we understood he was using them to drive us away so we wouldn't talk about Claire. We thought it would fade…but it never did." Jason's voice faded a bit as he looked at Amber.

Amber wasn't looking at me anymore, but from the side I could see her face was in a plain grimace. Clearly she hadn't expected that my "girl" stage had begun that early. I felt a surge of anger pump through my veins. Not at her of course, but for how stupid I had been. Why did I have to do that to her?

But what was I doing? Obviously she had to feel something for me if that upset her, or maybe it was just because she didn't like the fact that I was using females for my own pleasure. There was always two answers for everything it seemed.

I stood up, fast as lightning. The words all came out in a steady rush. "Can I talk to you?" it was a short sentence, but I had to repeat myself twice. Once because I talked too fast and the other I shaking so bad that you couldn't understand anything past the stutters.

"Sure." Amber replied, getting up slowly. She walked to the door, waited for me to join her, and then stepped outside.

Walking in silence wasn't so bad, but after a few minutes it was beginning to eat at me. We walked down the street made a turn and continued down the country road. Few cars passed by this late at night, and I was worried that Amber would be nervous about getting jumped. But when I looked at her she seemed at ease, as if being next to me made her feel safer than houses.

"What did you want to talk about?" Amber prompted after another five minutes. She stepped carefully over a rock and out of the grass since there was more room now. Amber shivered once before I handed her my Kenton Ridge hooded sweatshirt. She said thanks and sniffed it appreciate.

I was going to talk, but she beat me to it.

"Why did you say you loved me?"

I thought carefully about my answer, replaying it in my mind several times over, making sure that it sounded right and that she couldn't find anything to argue about with it.

"You don't believe that I mean it."

She waited another minute before she spoke again. "You didn't answer my question."

I sighed. "I told you that because I love you." my voice wavered at the end.

"Are you lying to me?"

"No."

Amber looked at me once more, then nodded. I didn't think she really believed me, but I had to trust her. At least she didn't attempt to hit me again.

"Why would you think that you love me?" she asked, her eyes staying straight forward.

"I didn't think I did at first, but there were little things. I was always aware of you when you were reading in the Library, I couldn't keep my eyes off you, I dreamed every night about you, and I thought it was just lust, but I found that every time I saw your face, I wasn't thinking about your body. I was thinking about _you."_

"Explain that, please."

"Your laugh, how I wanted to hear it every second of every day, how I wanted to hear you sing, how I was ready to explain everything to you about my life. I would have told you everything about me even if Cody hadn't of interrupted the drive." I barred my teeth, but I made myself relax. "I always noticed how beautiful you were, and how I wanted to have you when we first met. But as we went on I saw you weren't going to be easy. Then I figured out I really didn't want you like I did every other girl. They mean nothing to me while you meant the whole world. And you still mean that to me."

Amber seemed to be contemplating that. She moved her lips, but no sound came out, giving me the sign she was talking to herself. Fine, I thought. Let her think things through. The more she fights with herself the better. But that could be construed in two ways.

"Are you scared of me?" I asked suddenly. She paused in mid step, also surprised by the question, but she jogged to catch up.

"A little." good she was being honest. "I'm not stupid, Jonathan, I know danger when I see it, but the sad part is that I'm afraid that you'll hurt me more emotionally than physically."

Ouch, I thought. But this pain was a good pain. It meant that she _did_ feel a little attraction to me, but she was also wary enough to stay back a little bit, not really giving herself to me. But that was all fine. The fact that she liked me liked me made me feel like I was in Junior High. It also warned me not to screw this all up. No pressure.

"Hmm, I thought you two wouldn't be alone, especially after what just happened, but your family always seems to surprise me."

I skidded to a stop, planting my foot on the ground. I grabbed Amber by the waist before she knew what was happening, sunk into a low, protective crouch and barred my teeth. In other words I was ready for a fight.

Cody laughed, throwing his head back. "So Jason has taught you how to fight! Too bad your skills will be useless towards me, whether or not you've inherited them from Claire. And now you and your little girlfriend are going to die."

I didn't move as he circled around me, afraid that even if I stepped one tiny centimeter, it would give him an opening for him to lunge at Amber. Nothing else was on my mind other that protecting her.

"Jonathan-"

"Shh, it'll be okay." I promised, hoping fervently that I wasn't lying to her.

Another bubble of laughter escaped from Cody's perfect lips. "What's the point of prolonging the inevitable? She'll die sooner or later. Either from human death, or you'll kill her, just like you did to your mother." he smirked, taking another step closer. I followed his move this time, keeping my arms strongly around Amber, moving her with me as well.

"Don't listen to him, Jonathan." Amber whispered in my ear, not a trace of fear in her tone despite the fact that her body was shaking like mine. I was going to figure out in a short few second why that was.

"But the fact of the matter is, is that you've already killed her." wind pushed our scents towards him and he inhaled deeply, blood lust dancing in his eyes. "You've chosen to reveal our secrets to her. So, even though I'm going to kill her, you might as well be the one drinking from her."

A pang stabbed my side.

I winced as I glared back at Cody, my jaw clenched, letting out a fierce, trembling growl. Cody stopped short for a second by the menacing sound.

I felt hot steel on my tongue. It was like he was taking a stick to a caged animal and poking it over and over, making it angrier. I felt the hot fury in my bones, my eyes seeing red everywhere. I had never felt so angry in my life, but the anger wasn't for me. It was for everything he had done to me, and I wasn't about to let Amber die because of my foolishness. If he ever touched Amber-

I didn't have time to finish that thought. And it wasn't because Cody attacked. I felt the same surge of power burst through me, and my whole body was trembling. I had a thought of what I needed to be to destroy Cody, but I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

I felt my body change. I fell to the ground with a short yelp, feeling like my insides were becoming my outsides. For a moment I felt amazing, having no body, no form, but as soon as that was gone I felt the being I had become. I felt my teeth form into large fangs and fur cover over my body as my bones formed into something other than me. It hurt, but at the same time it felt like me, like I was something else, but still me, if you get that.

Then I knew I had phased for the first time in my life.


	19. Chapter 17: Stranger

17. Stranger

Jason never told me how joyous phasing felt.

It was like I was bound to no rules and the world obeyed me.

I sprang up, well aware of everything around me. None of my senses had changed with my new animal self. I was comfortable in this body like it was my human one. My whiskers picked up everything around me, my nose noticed every little detail and the major threat on front of me. I tested my muscles on all four of my legs, seeing that they were strong, and already preparing for the lunge before my mind told it to. I felt the instinct to kill before I realized what it was.

I was sure I looked like some sort of monster. Standing in my place was a gigantic, golden tiger. I was as big, if not bigger, than my dad when he phased. My retracted my claws several times, just getting a kick from it. My paws were probably the size of Amber's head, maybe a little smaller, and I was bigger than a horse. My tail was around five feet, marked with little intricate stripes. My body was marked the same as well, ebony black stripes curving around my body, looking like little daggers. And my teeth-well they were more scary than my claws and size. Each little tooth was a sharper than freshly made knife. My two big ones were massive, covering my lower lip, making me look more like a Saber Tooth than a tiger.

The best part was that Amber didn't cower away from me like I believed she would when I first changed. Her hand was lightly touching my fur by my lower back.

I roared, my own fur bristling from the powerful growl.

Cody was staring at me with the same easy-going smile. "Well little Jonathan decided to join the big boys, but I'm still afraid your incompetence to fight will kill you both."

I barked a laugh, if that's what it was since technically I was a cat and not a dog, but you get the idea.

My fighting was great. Everyone in the house had trained me senseless for the first couple of years. I didn't understand what I was going to end up fighting, but I felt all the knowledge of rushing memories come up on me.

"_Never go for the easy kill," Skylar told me, crouched. "Wait for the target to get even the tiniest bit distracted before you lunge. And if they don't, don't back down. Stay strong."_

Another with Jason after a brutal fight between us. Is till didn't think it was fair that he could change into a wolf and I couldn't at that point, but I did put up a good fight.

"_There are going to be people bigger than you, and stronger too. What you need to know is that your brain is stronger than muscles. Out maneuver any threat that may come to you. Don't stop moving and sooner or later you'll find an opening, you always do."_

Well muscles might not be everything, but they sure helped.

But I couldn't move and leave Amber here defenseless. Another growl ripped through me as I knew I had to take that risk.

I leaped from her, snarling as I went. I kept my eyes on Cody's figure, never relaxing my posture in case he decided to go for Amber.

Another memory of fighting.

"_People are going to underestimate you." Angel told me, moving her hand over her body as if to make a point. She was small and slender, and at the first glance was innocent and weak, but I knew better. Angel was a fast little demon who never let her guard down or let anyone past it. "And you're going to underestimate others, but don't let them make you weak. Expect to win without being cocky when fighting, and you'll survive."_

And from Cody's eyes I could see her was underestimating me big time. He thought I was some child, but I wasn't. Everyone knew I got my fighting skills from Claire. In fact even at seven years old I was able to defeat everyone in my family besides Angel, who cheated with her gift all the time. Jason even made a small remark that Claire was helping me from heaven somehow. I shook it off then, but what if that was true?

Shut up! I told my mind. I needed to focus and rambling off about Claire wasn't going to help.

"You might as well give up now, little one. You can't survive against me."

Yeah? I thought. Then why did you run when it was Jason and I?

It was a few seconds later that I realized that he couldn't read my mind. That was weird, but I didn't dwell on it other than planning how to use it to my advantage.

"_Don't rush to rash judgments. Plan it out carefully and follow through, but don't take too long-it could cost you." Nick said, holding me in a head lock. "Like Skylar said, don't go for the easy kill. Go for the unexpected and you'll surprise the hell out of them."_

I learned well from my tutors, and now I was just itching to test everything out for real.

The fact that it was real sent a shock through me. There were no do-overs here. If I lost I died, but so did Amber. I couldn't lose, no matter what. Amber was all that mattered if nothing else.

I swished my tail impatiently, as if telling him to bring it on.

His eyes flickered to Amber for just one second, but that was all I needed. I bounded to him in two steps, sprang from my back legs and I was on top of him. I bit anything I could get my teeth on. I tore through clothes and I think I tore off one of his hands. There was a howling scream from him. Yes I took off his hand, but in its place grew another. Damn, this is going to be tough.

He flipped my off with one hand and I landed on my feet. Cats always land on their feet.

"Here kitty, kitty." he purred.

I swatted air, standing my ground, refusing to be intimidated by him.

He lunged for me, grabbing me around my waist. I squirmed, trying to free myself, but his grip was too much. He squeezed.

_Snap._

There went one rib.

I cried out in pain, but I wasn't done. I kicked my right back leg into his gut, turned my head towards him instead of away, catching him off guard and took a bite. I sunk my teeth into his flesh, but he quickly pushed me off. How did he have so much power.

With a slight limp, I returned a little closer to Amber. I sneaked a quick look, keeping Cody in my periphial vision, then snapped my head back to Cody since Amber was still fine.

Then I got an idea.

My body knew just what to do. I sprinted right to him, making him think I was going to tackle him, but at the split second he went to grab me, I bolted off in the other direction. I dug my claws into the pavement so I could stop myself, then I flung my body, still keeping its momentum, right into his back. Cody toppled over, his face slamming in the sidewalk. I didn't hesitate. I took another bite into his skull this time, trying to fit his humongous head in my mouth. I clapped my mouth shut down _hard_, hearing his skull crunch. My paws flashed to his flailing arms, restraining them.

I jumped off of him once I removed most of his vital body parts.

It was my mistake to turn my back to him.

Instantly he was repaired and suddenly he was the one on top of me.

"The Tables have turned my fury friend." he sneered, grasping my neck. He cut off my air supply. Then he jabbed his fist fight under my ribs, making the rest of them shatter. Amazingly I didn't make a single noise. Amber was already crying-no need to make her pain worse.

Suddenly I was ready for death. It didn't scare me at all, even though I didn't know where I was going. This was oddly peaceful, dying for the one I loved. He was going to kill her too, but the fact that I fought when I knew I was going to die, when I could have ran, makes me feel better. Maybe Amber and I could be together, but before I could think further, the weight on top of me was removed.

"Stop!" a voice ordered. I had heard that voice before. It was the same one that was speaking to Angel, the first day Cody came back again. "You won't touch him."

"Oh not this again." Cody said, exasperated.

The female growled, a low warning sound.

I looked to see Cody lift his hands in defeat. "Fine, you win, but this isn't over." he looked swiftly to Amber then back to the female. "I like this game to much to quit now."

Then he was gone.

The female rushed to me.

"Oh he's going to pay for this. When I get my hands on him…" she didn't bother to finish the threat.

I finally got a good look at her. You're the girl from my dream! I thought. I recognized the sandy blonde hair, and the small body. And those green eyes-how could I forget. I was instantly elated that she was real and I wasn't crazy.

The female sighed. "I'm sorry."

I wanted to ask for what, but being in an animals body didn't give me that kind of thing. Besides I was screaming too badly. She was re-breaking my bones since, being a shape shifter and the fact that I healed quickly, my bones had already healed in the wrong place and she needed to set them right.

That didn't mean I liked it.

"Stop hurting him!" Amber cried.

I felt relief as my bones healed in their right positions and the sudden flair of pain was over.

"I can't stay, but you did well. Not many could stand against him and live to tell the tale." he voice changed. "No more trouble, Jonathan. Stay safe." she leaned closer to my ear. "I love you."

I had no idea what to make of it, but I had no way to ask. The female vampire quickly calmed Amber somehow, then she too was gone in a flash. Now it was just Amber and I.

And a cop car.

So somebody called the police about a wild tiger in the streets. This ought to end well.

I stood up, thankful that the pain was bearable. I grabbed Amber with one paw and some teeth, dragged her onto my back where she clung to me for her life, and I took off, blurring through the open country land.

Bullets were the only sound besides my ragged breathing. And soon there was silence. Dead silence. I didn't like where this was going, but I pushed on anyway, carrying the most important thing in my life, on my back.


	20. Chapter 18: Stalker

18. Stalker

I fell to the ground when I was completely out of energy and I couldn't take another step. Amber Scrambled off my back and went straight to my face. She held open one eye, looked over my body, just to make sure I wasn't hurt too badly. And I wasn't. Whatever my little dream girl slash stranger did to me, it didn't harm me. In fact it seemed like she had quickened the healing process. My ribs were securely in place. And some of the injuries I had, I didn't realize until I took stock of every sore place-my once broken jaw, the slice on my side, my bloody paw. But they weren't bad anymore, they were just healing.

She sat down next to me, feeling places with her hands. I winced and she moved on to another spot on my side. When she found that leaning in that position didn't harm me, she was able to put her whole weight on me. She kept her hand in my fur, while her head just leaned to face me. Amber watched me carefully, like I was the one in danger.

And we just laid there for the rest of the night. Thankful that in this body I didn't need sleep either, I stayed wide awake, watching every shadow, listening to every noise, taking in all the scents. If Cody was going to come and attack me again, I was going to be ready for it. This rest was helping. I could feel my strength slowly return, but I doubt it would be enough, but some part of me knew he wasn't coming tonight. The female just told him to go and he obeyed without a fight. Clearly she was in control of him-to an extent. He said he would be back, but not tonight. Tonight I was free to rest and keep a watchful eye on Amber.

The police came through after a while, just missing us. They passed over both our bodies, searching in constant fear. They needed to find the creature, but it was clear in their eyes that once they did, they had no idea what to do with it. Like they could cage a horse sized tiger. Its their worst nightmare. But surprisingly they didn't stop, though their search was in vain. I was well hidden enough to where they couldn't find us even with dogs.

Hours passed and I dimly relaxed after the sounds of dogs and police walkie-talkies faded into the distance. I sniffed the air again, tasting the night with my tongue, and finding nothing out of place. It was quiet here-too quiet for my taste though. The sound made it better, like I knew what was going on. Here in the silence it seemed like someone _could _be coming, and you just couldn't hear it. It made me more anxious than I needed to be.

The sun came up over the horizon, chasing the shadows away from the night. Amber was still heavily asleep. She didn't snore or talk in her sleep; she just breathed heavily as I watched her chest rise and fall.

For minutes we laid there, thinking that no one would find us. I didn't have the energy to carry the both of us home, and there was no way I was leaving her here to find help, or allowing her to go on her own. I was starting in the early stages of panic when I heard someone.

I didn't know if it was a friend or a foe; the wind was at a stand still, neither taking my scent to him or bringing his to me. I stood up carefully as not to wake her and shook the dirt form my fur. I fought the strange urge to lick it, and then stood my ground, my lips pulled back over a row of shiny, white daggers. I extended my claws and hunched my legs closer, winding up to spring. I was standing very protectively in front of Amber.

Edward appeared out of no where, his speed giving him a slight advantage. From his frustrated look I could tell he too couldn't read my mind, so he had no idea who I was. My scent was wrong and I just looked like a giant enemy-who happened to be standing in front of a girl he knew. For all he knew, she could be dead.

Edward snarled, mimicking my own stance. He got low in a crouched position, ready to spring. I could see the intent on his face. He was going to save Amber no matter the cost. And it wasn't for his sake either. He was doing it for me, even though he may think I was dead too, since he knew I would never leave her side unless I _was_ dead.

A low hiss came through my teeth. Now was a bad time for him not to be able to read my mind. Sure I could outrun him on any normal day, but I was weak, and I also had Amber with me.

Edward sniffed the air. He staggered back, surprise flittered across his face. No, that word wasn't good enough. It looked like he was seeing ghost.

"What is she doing out here?" at first I thought he was taking about Amber, but then I noticed how tortured his face was. It hit me then. Did he know the female vampire that has been starring in my dreams for a while? He had to, but his expression still confused me.

He looked at Amber once more, then he looked into my eyes for the first time. I saw it in his gaze. My brilliant blue eyes were shining from the glare of the sun. It was more like Claire's eyes, but he knew it was me. I mean who else in the world had the same shade other than us two?

"Jonathan?" his voice was cautious.

I dipped my head slowly, making sure that he need I was saying yes.

A smile replaced his serious face. He looked relieved, shocked, and a little puzzled, but I would be too. I've never phased before, and now after thirty-four years I have. He looked simply elated at the fact that I was now more like my father, but we still were so different. I mean he's a dog; I'm a cat.

"Jason's been looking everywhere for you! Are you hurt?"

I nodded. His eyes became alarmed as he took in my slight limp and crooked jaw, then the blood stained on my fur, but his eyes moved to Amber.

"Is she harmed too?" the concern in his voice hit me. He had every right to be angry, to not help me, and here was, well five minutes ago, about to save her from some crazy, shape shifting cat.

I shook my head, looking back at the girl that was still fast asleep. Jeez, this girl could sleep through anything.

"I'll carry her." Edward offered. He wasn't mean or showing me that I was weak, but it was an effort to help me. "Do you need help?" now his tone was amused.

I turned my head to him so he cold see one of my eyes roll.

"A tiger, huh?" Edward commented, walking next to me with my slow pace. "Nice."

I answered with a low rumble from my chest. Though I doubted his words. Not that I thought he was lying, but I didn't think I was a tiger. Though I knew I was in the body, and it felt right, I didn't feel like this was the only thing I could shift into. Like I had more bodies waiting for me. It was just too much of a coincidence for me to find a power inside me that was bigger than me, tap into it a bit, then come out something I knew could stand against Cody, something he hadn't fought before. How I knew he had never fought a tiger, I can't answer, but I knew that he knew everything about wolves, so why turn into something he knew everything about? It made sense, but my head was starting to hurt.

We made it to the road faster than I expected. There waiting for us was my dad, Alice, Carlisle, and Skylar. They must have made a search party for us.

Every face was confused as Edward came up carrying Amber with a large cat walking beside him. No one made an attempt to help either of us, until I looked directly into Jason's eyes. I mean it really must be my eyes than alerts them that's its me, because as soon as I looked at him, I felt his hands on my side, making sure I was some what okay.

"You phased." he breathed, smiling at me like only a father could. I dipped my head before looking quickly at Amber, who was still sleeping like a rock. Was she really sleeping, or was there something wrong with her?

Edward saw my panic. "She's fine. I can hear her mind just fine." he closed his eyes and smiled. "She's dreaming about you."

I felt myself pull my large mouth into some kind of grin.

"What happened?" Alice asked, seeming frustrated that she couldn't see anything with Jason and I around.

"Later." Edward said, taking off into a sprint. I felt like just walking, but the fact that I was leaving Amber alone with them shocked me awake, and pretty soon I was keeping up with Edward with ease.

We approached the house with no hesitation, other than the fact that I had to hide in the bushes every time a car came by. Soon I just stayed by the trees once we got to them and didn't come out until I was sure there were no cars coming. Then Skylar helped shield me with his gift so I could get safely to the house. We stepped in, causing minor alarm, but we got things pretty settled down in a short time.

Jason tried to teach me how to phase back to my human form, but it didn't feel right. The way he was trying to explain it didn't go with what my body wanted. Then when I pictured my body, calm or not, I felt myself simply change back into it. The biggest shock was that I had clothes on and everything. We didn't know what to think of that.

I stepped into the living room carefully, trying to get used to walking on two feet instead of two. Before I sat down I quickly ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time, and knocked on the door to the room where Amber was sleeping. Surely she had to be up by now?

"Come in." I heard her say.

I cracked open the door and peaked in before fully pushing it open. She was laying in my bed, mummified in covers from where she tossed and turned.

"Bad dream?"

Her hair was wild, some drool was on my pillow, and pillows were scattered all over the room from where she kicked them off. I helped untangle her from the bed sheets before she spoke again. She brushed her hair with her fingers, but I don't think she could have gotten any more beautiful.

"Not really." she bit her lip, pulled her hand through her hair, and looked away from me.

I didn't answer. I just grabbed her hand and pulled her form the bed. I meant to walk, but instead I pulled her right into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist, making them iron chains so she couldn't escape. She looked up at me, her hands limp on my chest, her warm eyes surprised.

I leaned down, expecting to give her a kiss, but she moved her head away from me. I sighed and released her, still keeping her hand firm in mine. I led her down the hallway and down the stairs. Amber sat across the room from me, not meeting my eyes. It made me nervous that she wouldn't talk to me.

Sitting in our large living room was my family-they were each sitting with their own mate, some taking with the Cullen family. The La Push pack was off in their own little section besides Jason and Seth, who were sitting with Bella and Renesmee. It didn't surprise me that Jason would involve everyone in this little search party, but I was shocked when I saw that Cody and Trevor were here since I haven't seen them in years. Those two were sitting with Jason, talking about something I couldn't catch. It was like this was my whole extended family. Most of these people cared enough to come look for me when I didn't turn up. It made me glad that they all did, but I just wanted to be alone with Amber right now, which I probably will never be again since this has happened twice now.

"So?" Bella urged, combing Nessie's hair.

"What happened out there?" asked Nick, who was sitting on the couch with Angel in his lap. All eyes looked at me, wanting to hear the story.

"Wait-what's that smell?" Skylar asked suddenly, right before I was going to start. He shot up out of his seat and came to sniff by me. "It smells like…no it can't be." he whispered to himself at the end.

Everyone else sniffed, the same expression on their faces as Edward had, but just a bit different. I could help but notice that Syd, Angel and Edward were looking away from us, but stealing glances at each other. They knew something we didn't, there was no doubt about that. Did they all know this female? Of course they couldn't; if they did I would have met her. I've met everyone in this long family, I would have met this one lone vampire wouldn't I? they wouldn't keep secrets from me would they?

But not all of them seemed to be in on it of course. I could tell that much from their faces. But I didn't want to think about what this could mean. If it could even hint of danger or separation of this family like Keith did, well then I wasn't going to go down that path. No way I was going to be responsible for that kind of turmoil.

I changed the subject by only clearing my throat. They each came back to my attention, the three that I named a little too eager for my story, but I let it go. I wasn't going to get into it. The rest came back to me with a dazed look, but still aware of what I was going to say. Though Jason seemed to be in some kind of pain.

Pondering where I was to begin, I stole another look at Amber. Her eyes darted away from me as soon as they touched. I frowned, my forehead clinched together. I squared my shoulders and retold what had taken place.

"Amber I just went for a walk. I wanted to explain some things to her alone. We went a good length down the county road when Cody showed up." I paid no attention to this growls and hisses as I spoke the dreaded name. "At first I did everything I could to prevent a fight. I knew I couldn't go up against him and I couldn't let him get to Amber." I glanced her way without thinking about it, holding her eyes this time as I spoke again. "He taunted me, provoked me, which is just what he wanted. He tried to get me angry enough to screw up, but I was taught too well." I winked at Angel. "I remembered everything you guys told me about fighting, and he definitely underestimated me. I still knew I would die, but maybe he would leave Amber alone and let her live.

"But I didn't expect that kind of reaction out of me. When I saw that he was going to kill her anyway, I knew I had to fight back, but my human form isn't strong enough for him. So I just felt the pure anger, felt what I needed to be to fight him, and I won-sort of."

One beat of silence.

"What do you mean 'sort of'?" Jasper leaned forward, looking at me. I always felt calm around him, but I couldn't trust my emotions with his presence.

"Well he was going to kill me again. I wasn't strong enough to win. But a vampire came and she saved my life. She just told him to leave and he left with these words." I cleared my throat again. "'Fine, you win, but this isn't over. I like this game to much to quit now." I shivered involuntarily about how much I sounded like him. It was like he was speaking through me.

Jason moaned. "Not this. Now you two."

When he looked up at me I saw the anguish in his features that he was trying so hard to shield from me.

"I was trying to keep you from him, Jonathan. And now with Amber in the picture, it's worse than that James that went for Bella."

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked, his eyes shifting form Bella, to Amber, then to me.

"Since he doesn't have Claire and I to mess with, he's just going to settle for the closest thing. And in the end he's going to end up killing Amber like he killed Claire."

I jumped from my seat, my lip pulled over in a fierce grimace. "The hell he is!" everyone else flinched from me tone, even Amber. I probably looked as scary as Claire when she was angry, which gave me a surge of satisfaction, but I didn't dwell on it. "If he _dares_ to touch Amber, well then he's gonna wish he never messed with the son of Claire, and Jason for that matter. He's gonna get his ass whipped." I was panting from my outburst, feeling the adrenaline to go kill him now.

"He'll stalk her, Jonathan-he's already doing that now!" Jason said, somehow trying to comfort me, a little pleased that I added him in my speech. "He's proven that he can find you and kill you. He waits for Amber to be as alone as possible, then he strikes. She's not safe."

"Then I'll watch her. I stay at her house at night and drive her to school, follow her car if she wants to go out. She'll wont be out of my sight." then I added, "If that's okay with you, Amber." if she didn't want me around that was her call, but I would send someone else to watch her, someone I trusted. Like Jason or Taylor. Taylor would be great and so would Skylar. Hell, even the wolf pack would be good.

Amber understood I was really giving her a choice, that she was free to refuse. She thought about it, her eyes flickering around us. "That's fine, though we'd have to explain to my dad why you're around me all the time."

I looked away, knowing what she was getting at. "Look I don't know how to phrase this, but I love you. You may not love me or even like me, but I'm not going to let him hurt you. If you'd just-"

"Give you a chance?" she was smiling now.

"Yeah." I breathed. My heart took off into over time. I was barely aware of my family watching me, shocked that I told this girl I loved her. Jason seemed ecstatic. "If its what you want, not because you have to."

Amber stood up slowly, gracefully. She walked over to me, sat down in the empty spot next to me, and smiled. "I want to." she leaned her head on my shoulder. "I'm probably stupid for doing this, but I like you. I like you so much more than I should."

"Hey at least I don't stalk you." I winked at her.

Amber blushed. Then her head snapped to the clock. "Shoot! My dad!" she bolted up.

I stood with her, taking my girlfriend's hand. It felt so awesome to finally say that word. "I'll walk you home."

"No way." Skylar said, brushing his dusty pants off. "_We'll _drive you home. No way were letting you out of our sights, Miss Amber."

She giggled. I pulled her outside and helped her in the car. I shut the door behind us. Skylar shut the door as we got as escort from Jason's wolf form. I couldn't even express how glad I was that they were taking this seriously.

"Jonathan?" Amber looked at me.

"Yeah?"

She yawned. "Thank you. Please don't make me regret this."

I looked at her with my sincerest expression. My voice throbbed with emotion. "I promise you I won't ever hurt you. Those days are long over."

No they're not, a voice in my head told me, they have only just begun. You know who you are Jonathan. You're gonna hurt her. Its your nature. You can't change who you are.

I didn't fight the voice.


	21. Chapter 19: Boyfriend

19. Boyfriend

Amber's dad was _not_ a happy camper.

When Skylar pulled up against the curb, I felt my eyes go wide. I had expected him to bring out the cops. I thought police cruisers would be around the house, but not too many. I thought there might be even a minor search party around the house, woods, and the back towards the farm. I didn't expect fire trucks, twenty police cars, a helicopter, a few SWAT team members, dogs, and then add the search party. And then that was just the armed forces. Dozens of people of whom I guessed lived around the area had their noses on the maps, making a search route. I saw people leave with walkie-talkies, and then more as the seconds pass. Her dad must either be worried, or this was all for show. By the look on his face as he paced the porch, I assumed it was the first option.

Skylar leaned back over the headrest, clearly not happy about all the commotion. "I can't stay long-I don't want them to get the license plate. Taylor, Angel, and Jasper will be back in a few hours. Until then you're on your own. Don't do anything stupid." he was serious.

I nodded. "Who's going after Cody?"

He flashed a row of white teeth. "Jason, Edward, Cody, Hannah and I."

"Hannah's here? I only saw Cody and Trevor." I haven't seen them in years.

"Sylvia showed up a few minutes ago once she heard the news that Cody was back. Hannah wants the most revenge for Shadow, and with her gift," he chuckled, "I think this could be fun."

I frowned. I didn't like the idea of Hannah out there. She was wild at heart, but she never struck me as a fighter. She reminded me of Alice. "I thought she only did the weather."

Shadow died trying to protect Claire from Cody. I remembered the story well, but every time I saw them, they seemed to have it put behind them. I can only think what it must feel like to have it drug back out, and knowing that the man who killed your brother is so easily in your grasp of revenge.

Another smile. "Oh she does. But lightning equals fire, and fire equals bye-bye vampire."

"Cody is Jason's, not to mention mine." I snarled.

Skylar sighed, pushing his hands through his dark chocolate hair. "But who's better to watch Amber then you?"

He had me there.

"Now go, people are starting to look."

I leaned over Amber and pushed the door open. Once she slid out I got out too, sweeping the land around me. If Cody was out there, I needed to know while Skylar was here. There was nothing but silence until Skylar revved the engine and took off like a bullet. He's had that Mercedes Guardian since he first moved to Oregon with Claire. Edward thought it was funny that he and Bella had the same car. I, on the other hand, didn't find it humorous at that point.

Amber was watching me as I looked around. I gave me a small smile to show her everything was fine, then I grabbed her hand. We walked up together, a little surprised no one had realized it was her yet. We passed a few busy people. It struck me as hilarious that they were too busy looking for her, that they couldn't see who was walking right past them. No wonder they hadn't found her yet.

"Dad!" Amber yelled over the sirens and beating helicopter blades. No one turned. "Dad!" she tried again.

She was about to start screaming over the volume when I squeezed her hand. I winked.

"Hey! I've got her!" my voice _boomed_ over everything. I was sure people in the next county would be able to hear me. Heads swiveled around, startled, then taking in who we were. It only took a second before the chaos to break out.

People ripped Amber from my hands, and she was lucky I wasn't holding her too tight or her arm might have come off. She was taken to a medical station and checked over, making sure there was nothing wrong with her.

Cops surrounded me, yelling different things at me.

"Who is he!" "Get him down." "Cuff him."

Those were the only tings I could make out. As I vampire I can hear pretty damn well, and for me to only be able to hear that, well that should tell you how _loud_ it was out there.

People grabbed my arms, shoulders, my legs even, and shoved me over to the porch. I could have easily fought them off, but I didn't need to be a spectacle. I was in enough trouble with her dad already. They "dragged" my up to the porch, where Amber was now at, hugging her dad. They sat me down on a chair and I just waited for Richard Bay to shoot me.

Finally he turned to me.

I thought he was going to yell and scream at me, telling me to get the hell of his property or something. I expected him to bring out a loaded gun and watch me run from the bullets. I thought he would tell me to explain where we had been, but his expression caught me off guard.

"Thank you." he said. Amber leaned around him, she too had not expected this reaction. He smiled at the both of us. "Thank you for bringing her home."

My reaction was: "Uhhh." I couldn't come up with anything better than that.

It took an ten minutes to call up everyone and tell them that she was found, then an hour to clean everything up and for them to leave. I watched from the porch with Amber as the cops drove away and probably hundreds of people file into their cars and wait their turn to leave the house. I held the door open for Amber as she walked in and then we waited for her dad to join us.

He was still calm and relived when he sat down to speak.

"Where have you guys been?" clearly I still had the benefit of the doubt…for now at least.

"It's my fault, sir. We went for a drive and I got lost-I don't know this place as well. Then by the time we got back to my house, Amber was drifting in and out of consciousness and she just crashed in my room. I slept in my brothers room since Skylar's alone with Taylor out of town and he had extra room." I felt compelled to say that we didn't sleep in the same room, even though she never really made it back to my house until earlier.

His brow furrowed. I knew what he was thinking. I didn't answer though; it wasn't any of his business. Well that wasn't exactly true. I love his daughter. I made it his business. All well.

What did it matter anyway? So my brothers and sisters slept in the same room, the same bed. Well they were all married weren't they? Its not like it's a crime. But no one can understand it, not really.

"I see." he nodded. He placed his hands on his knees and looked at Amber. "I'm just glad you're okay." his words implied two different meanings, and I wasn't the only one that caught them.

Amber scowled, staring her father down. She squared her shoulders and kept her hand firmly in mine. She tipped her head back just an inch, as if to say _It's my decision-get over it_.

I smiled. To see Amber defend me, sort of, made me feel like flying. She wasn't just being my girlfriend so I could protect her and not raise suspicion. She wanted to be with me. She wanted to hold my hand and proclaim to the world that I was her boyfriend. Well maybe not the world, but you get the point. Amber likes me, believe it or not, and I've even given her plenty of reasons to ditch me-being a vampire, pretty much dragging her into this life so now she has a stalker. Then with all the girls, and parties and drinks and just stupid stuff. I've given her every reason to turn away and say 'Heck no, I'll be just fine thank you very much'.

Her dad glanced suspiciously between us, then down at our hands, and how close we were sitting together. The way she was inclined toward me, our legs touching. How she was leaning in in my direction, her head almost touching her shoulder. It just shows how _tall_ I was. Her head just barely cleared my shoulder.

The wind blew in from the open window towards me, pushing Amber's scent into my face. I stopped breathing. For some reason I had never truly smelled Amber. I had been so consumed with her face and body, that he scent never registered with me. Oh how I wish it had stayed that way. How could I ignore such a powerful scent? It was mouthwatering, like no other human I had smelt before. Her sweet blood pounding through her was like a gong-the loudest thing in my head. It kept tempting me to take just one bite.

I let go of her hand and clenched my fists together, holding them securely to my chest.

Amber saw my pained look. "What's wrong?" she mouthed.

I whispered so low so only she could hear. "You smell so good."

She smiled to take that as a compliment, but then her face fell as she took in what I really meant. Fear didn't even enter her eyes for a brief moment. Amber sat strong, not afraid that I could kill her easily. I felt some surge of joy that she wasn't terrified of me, of the monster I am.

She must have saw something funny in the face I was making-I probably looked like a kid that was suffering from too many sour treats-because she laughed at me, taking my hand back, and squeezing it.

Richard mumbled something under his breath in disgust. It sounded like the word 'boyfriend', but I can't really be sure.

Her dad got up, rubbing the dirt from his hands. "Well, I think its time for Jonathan to head home-its getting late. I think you left your car here yesterday."

I pulled the curtain away from the window to take a look. And there was my sports car, my baby. I took pride in that car. Maybe a little too much.

"Good night, sir." I looked at Amber's face, always struck by the beauty in it. The color of the hair and the gentle highlights of dark chocolate with the milk chocolate. The way it fell down across her back, a good five inches below her shoulders. How it was starting to curl at the ends, since it was the end of the day. Her chestnut skin, giving her a permanent tan. How it looked like she was an old goddess from some sort of Indian painting. The way every inch was smooth and perfect, not an imperfection in sight. The way her body curved just right at the hips, not too much, not too little. Those long legs that gave her her height. Amber's muscles across her legs, arms, shoulders, and back. She was stronger than some guys I knew, physically and mentally. Her body was the perfect shape and size, nothing giving me the sense of weakness or that she was missing anything. Whoever had made this creature left nothing out here. I saved her eyes for last, knowing I would forget what ever I was thinking as soon as I swam in the pools of honey and splotches of more chocolate. I could see her iris's dance in the light of the room, and I remembered how they moved and turned a bright yellow in direct sunlight.

Amber was perfect in every way.

And what did she get back? A tall guy with honey blonde hair, a huge Adams apple, enormous calves, blue eyes, who was a little handsome, and has anger issues. Not to mention he uses women for his own pleasure because he killed his mom. Not exactly the guy she deserves, but for some reason she chose to give me a chance. Then add this to the pot. I'm a Pryor-Wolf with supernatural gifts that I haven't figured out yet.

Then how about the things she didn't chose to have from me? Cody. I gave her to him like wine for a party, setting him up time and time again.

This is going to be difficult.

"Good night, Amber." normally I would have kissed her goodbye or given her a hug, or at least a peck on the cheek, but I didn't. I knew anything would turn Amber off. She didn't trust me yet. Which meant she thought I was still using her. So she wasn't going to take any chances until she was sure. And I could deal with that. "See you later." I smiled wryly.

She laughed. "Goodnight, Jonathan." she gave her dad a kiss before going up the stairs. She waved before disappearing behind the upstairs wall. I felt my breath taken away by the same beauty I could never get over.

I waved to her father as I opened the door. I started the car and drove it two miles away in an empty lot. I ran back and still beat Amber before she got to her room. I slid the window open and closed it just as easily. I laid down on her pink bed, and closed my eyes, waiting for her to open the door.


	22. Chapter 21: New Love

20. New love

Claire Emerson walked down the damp tunnel, tracing the lines on the brick wall as she made her way back to the Volturi. Getting to Volterra wasn't a problem for her. She had money and she had resources. Hell, she knew she could have ran if she needed to, even over the ocean. But now that she was here, she couldn't help feel the nagging sensation to go back. Claire hated being here, hated causing them so much pain.

It's almost over, she told herself. I'll be with them soon. A few more days. Just a few more days.

She knew her time was almost up-it was the reason she decided to show herself to her family by at least Friday. Claire understood the danger Jason and Jonathan was in, but mostly Jonathan. He was something more powerful than he realized. She was sure they already knew about Jason, but it was Jonathan she feared for. Jason could take care of himself, he knew everything she had told him. But Jonathan? She sighed. He was so screwed up from this, and it was her fault. She was going to make it right, but before she left, she had to make sure that the Volturi didn't have any speck of interest of visiting the Cullens, or her family.

She opened the door and passed an empty room where a human woman used to stay. She smiled to herself. She had helped her escape years ago when the Volturi wanted to kill her. Of course they couldn't punish Claire, so she found it funny that Jane even tried to.

Once out of there she entered another empty corridor and then into the marble room, where Aro waited for her. She made quick, precise steps into the room. At first, as their eyes went over her, confusion flittered across their perfect faces. Jane smiled, just itching to hurt someone.

"I'm back." Claire said, watching their faces sink into some deeper level of shock. Her voice was so wrong, not as bell like as it used to be. It was higher, more reedy, not Claire's normal pitched. She hated this body.

"And who might you be to return, dear one?" Aro asked. Claire sneered. Dear on this, dear on that. Well he needs a new phrase because Claire was getting put up with that very quickly.

She rolled her eyes, taking a few more steps forward. "I'm Claire you idiot."

Demetri smiled, turning his face away so he wouldn't be seen. Out of all of them, Claire liked Demetri the best. He was funny and sweet, just like any other normal vampire. He wasn't bloodthirsty as most people believed. They had some sort of bond now, friends it seemed. They helped each other out, but Claire could see his admiration behind his eyes. He was falling for her-quickly. Thirty-four years together can make you love someone, but she didn't want him like that. But she didn't want to hurt his feelings either.

Another one, Claire mused in her head, that's just what I need. One's a sadistic vampire, one thinks I'm dead, and one's the one I should have had if my life was normal. In truth Demetri was perfect for her-the same humor, good looking, funnier than Emmett, and a smiled that would have made her heart pound it she had one. He was her soul mate-well if Jason didn't exist he would be.

And how easy would it be to forget Jason? If she loved Demetri, the Volturi would never suspect him. He was an amazing and talented tracker which meant he could protect her and find what ever he needed to keep her alive. He would be good for her, and for a few seconds, she thought about what life would be with him…

"Well?" Caius asked, impatient as always.

Claire hadn't realized she was staring at Demetri with a glazed look until Caius caught her attention. Demetri winked at her before she turned her head quickly enough.

"Huh?"

Felix snickered, elbowing Demetri and Alec. Jane just glared like normal.

She turned her attention to Jane before Caius said anything. "You know, with how much you glare at me, your ugly face might get stuck that way." she shrugged. "At least it would be an improvement."

Jane hissed, throwing blonde hair behind her, tense to spring.

Aro held up his hand, and they both unwillingly stepped out of their crouches.

"What is that body?" Caius asked again.

"A gift." Claire answered sarcastically. "Don't you like it?" she twirled, giving him a view. He gulped, staring at her body. Demetri tossed a rock at him so he'd focus his attention on something else.

"Someone I met on the journey doesn't know their full potential in his gift. He changed my body."

Aro looked intrigued. "We should find him. Ask him to join us."

Claire's trilling laugh echoed through the chamber. "He said he wouldn't want anything to do with you if his life depended on it. Then he subconsciously changed my body."

Claire's thoughts trailed back to Jonathan as she pictured his face when he saw her.

"Where did he go?" Alec asked, too calm for her. She hated the way he did that. It was just as irritating as Carlisle's calm, but she liked him. Alec could go to hell for all she cared.

With Jonathan still fresh in her mind, she accidentally blurted out, "Towards Ohio." she snapped her mouth shut, appalled that had just said that.

Aro smiled. Then he said the worst words for her to hear that day.

"I think it's time to visit the Cullens, don't you think, Claire. Then maybe on that trip we can confront the man and asked him to change you back." he sat back in his chair, clearly up to something by his smile. "We'll leave in two days."

Claire hid her horror well, but all she could think was, _He knows_.

* * *

Amber walked in a few minutes later, her hair in a towel from the shower. She was wide eyed when she saw me lounging on her bed. Her eyes danced from me to her closet, back and forth. I knew now what she was telling me.

I turned around, keeping my hand firmly over my eyes. "Go ahead, I won't look. Pinky promise." I held my pinky up, my eyes still shielded. She walked over, grasped my pinky with hers. Then I heard her wet towel slip over her body and fall to the floor.

I fought the urge to turn around and stare at her naked body. I even stopped the mental pictures, reigning in my imagination. I held still, not peaking, or even breathing for that matter. I heard her ruffle through her closet, and pull on a shirt and then a pair of pants.

"You can look now." I could hear the nervous thrill in her voice.

I opened my eyes to look at her. She was gorgeous of course. Amber was wearing the Green Day shirt I first saw her in. then she had pink pajama shorts on with polar bears on them. I cracked a smile.

"I like it."

"Thank you, by the way." she yawned.

I shrugged. "No problem, babe."

Amber frowned, shook her head and then sat down on the edge of the bed, her body tense.

I stood up and went to sit by the ice blue chair in the corner, the one that had a perfect view of all of the room.

We talked for a few more hours, until the sun went down. She wanted to know more about me. I told her everything little detail of my life that my brothers missed. She just sat there, listening intently like always. She laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes once she got tired.

"Good night." I told her, but she was already asleep.

I shut my eyes, just thinking, and without meaning to, I fell asleep.

* * *

Amber Bay woke with a start.

There was a hand clamped around her neck, and a cold, firm body, on top of hers. At first she assumed it was Jonathan, but when she peered over the man, she saw Jonathan fast asleep in on of her chairs.

"J-"

"Don't scream or I'll kill him." she knew that voice. Now as her eyes adjusted, she could tell that this was Cody Evans, the guy Jonathan and his family was protecting her from. She couldn't do anything because she knew he wasn't bluffing. He had no problem killing him, she knew that.

"What do you want?" she whispered under his hand, which as still on her mouth. The hand on her neck gripped tighter.

"You." he smiled, those red eyes glowing in the dark. His fingers trailed down her waist, down her thigh, caressed her leg, then back to her back side. He slipped his hand up her shirt. "Jonathan doesn't deserve you."

"And you think you do?" she said, her voice strong. She couldn't believe how strong she felt. The fear was there, but she was afraid of him, only for Jonathan. She would do what ever he asked as long as it kept Jon alive.

"Feisty-I like it." he pressed his cool lips to hers. She laid still, not kissing him back. She ignored the urge to punch or scream as he felt her. She denied that she liked any of it, but some part of her sensed the pleasure.

Amber whimpered, wishing Jonathan would wake up.

_Jon!_, she though, screaming in her head. _Wake up!_

A low moan escaped from her lips, one that she couldn't stop. Cody laughed, and kissed her harder.

_Jonathan!_ this shriek was loud in her own mind. She felt like giving up when she saw Jonathan's body stir. She felt some joy, and then she began to think harder. _Jonathan, wake up! I need you!_ she didn't even think that he shouldn't be able to hear her thoughts. She knew he wasn't a mind reader, but she didn't care. She just needed him.

Jonathan opened his eyes and once he registered what was going on, a fierce snarl came from his pulled back lips. The last thing Amber could see before they moved way too fast, was Jonathan's glare, his pointed teeth, and his blurred body launched at Cody's.

Amber closed her eyes tight, finally shaking with fear.

She screamed when she felt someone grab her.


	23. Chapter 21: Cheated

21. Cheated

Amber screamed again, not one of those girly screams, but one that had a lot of power, a lot of volume behind it. She squirmed under my grip, sucking in more air to get another scream.

I pushed my hand over her mouth, which made her wriggle more.

"Amber!" I hissed under my breath. "It's me."

She hesitated for a moment, then she threw her arms around me, her head in my chest. I stumbled back, taken back by her emotion, but I held her firmly in my arms. I rubbed her back, her shoulders, and kissed her hair.

"It's okay. I'm so sorry. You're okay. He's gone." to my surprise, she wasn't crying. But Amber was shaking terribly.

I heard foot steps climbing the stairs.

"Shit." I said in a normal voice, making Amber pull back and give me disapproving look. I smiled. "Yours dads coming-I hope you got a story." then I bolted for her closet and shut the door, leaving a tiny crack to see.

"Jonathan!" she whispered, yelling.

I chuckled and slid farther in.

Her father pushed the door open, slamming it against the wall, a loaded shot gun in his hand. He searched the room before taking one look at his daughter, who was sitting back in her bed, her hand on her throat in surprise, eyes so wide it looked like they would stay like that forever. I held back a bit of laughter and just watched through my slit in the closet.

"Where did that come from?" Amber's voice shot through a few octaves, making it break off with a squeak.

He ignored that question, eyeing the open window. I cursed under my breath. Why did I leave it open?

"Who was here?" it was the stern, protective voice of a father. There was no note that he suspected his daughter at all, just the overwhelming need to help her. He reminded my of my dad, in a way.

Amber leaned forward, still wary, and visibly shaken. There was no way she could lie and say that no one was here. For one the window was open, and maybe if she had been out of bed, she could say that she opened it, but she wasn't. Amber was rolled up in her bed sheets. And that scream! No one, not even me, could lie about it. There was something about it that was desperate, a call for help. There was no way to get around it. Luckily the lie could be very easy. All she had to do was say that someone snuck into her room, and ran off when she screamed. End of story.

Please, I begged to her in my head, please don't be one of those people who think honest is the best quality. All I needed was her dad to take fire on me in here. I was sure it could do some damage. Not kill me of course, just injure me enough. Now I was more worried that I would get angry and phase here. Not the best idea.

"I-I don't know. He just came in and-and-" her voice was caught in a sob. Richard went up to her and put his arm around her, comforting her like I did. She sniffled and then went on. "I mean he just came at me, and then he jumped out when I screamed. I didn't know what to do! He-"

"It's okay, honey. Do you know what he looked like? Anyone you knew?" I saw her stiffen at his words. But I knew it wasn't from thinking about Cody. From the way her father phrased it, the way he let it out in his tone, told her and I that he was asking if it was me who came in.

"Yes." she said defiantly, defending me once again.

"Well?" he pushed.

She stuck up her chin, telling him she wasn't saying anymore.

"Amber, I need I know so we can catch this guy."

Still Amber remained silent. She leaned back against her pillow and shut her eyes with a yawn. "Goodnight, dad."

Her dad left, unwillingly, closing the door softly so he wouldn't wake her. But it was wasted because as soon as the door shut and his foot steps were downstairs, she bolted up, her eyes searching for me in the darkness.

I moved quickly, knowing she couldn't see me. I landed on her bed without moving it, or telling her that I was on it.

"Jonathan?" from the way she said it, I knew she must feel stupid. But I didn't answer her just yet. She got up and moved toward the closet and opened the doors a little wider. She peeked in. "Jonathan?"

"Yes?" I suppressed more laughter.

She whirled around, her hand on her throat. I smiled in the darkness and patted the bed, welcoming her to come back. She moved quickly to my side and put her hands around me. She just snuggled in my chest for a while, clinging to me.

"Well well. Should we leave you two alone?" Alice asked, smiling. When I looked at her I watched her swing her leg over the open window and land lightly on the balls of her feet. Next to come in was Taylor, then Jasper, looking as pained as always.

He wrinkled his nose. "She smells better than Bella did." he said in mock disgust.

"No, Alice, she was just frightened."

"Of?"

It took only a few seconds to explain what happened. I spoke in a flurry of words, keeping my eyes on Amber's face as she tried to listen. But no human ear could pick it up.

"Cody?"

I nodded. "He attacked her…mostly. She was just lucky I was here." she smiled weakly at me, her eyes shining under her thick lashes.

From then on the three of them took shifts. Jasper started outside first, running around the house, following Cody's scent, trying to find him. Alice kept watch with her visions constantly with me in here, while Taylor sometimes joined Jasper. I was the only one who stayed with Amber throughout the whole time. At first she slept for a few hours, then she would wake. Sometimes she couldn't fall asleep so I would talk to her, answer any questions she had until she went back to sleep.

Alice stayed silent also. She just stood in the corner, pacing, then other times she would get that look that meant she was having a vision. Then she would call Carlisle or Jason with news, but they always called back saying Cody had gotten away.

This happened for hours. Taylor or Jasper would come in with no news, just checking up. Taylor would launch back out there as soon as she spoke, but Jasper lingered, making sure Alice was okay. At any other time I would have gagged, but now I could relate to him. The urge to go find Cody was strong, but to leave Amber here? Yes she had protection, but Skylar was right: who could protect Amber better than I?

My phone buzzed. I checked the caller ID.

"Jason? Has something happened?"

_We're on a fresh lead down south. Angel's helped because he takes off any time we get near. Nick wasn't so keen on her out here, but we need her and she can take care of herself. _I head the wind _whooshing_ in the back ground, which told me he was running. _Is Amber okay?_

then I launched into my little tale, which explained where Cody went the first time they tracked him. Jason said that he didn't go far, but he had no clue where he disappeared to. So with saying that she was fine, and making him promise he'll keep me updated, we hung up.

I didn't know what to think. I had my family out there, searching for a killer. Anyone of them could die tonight. A sickening feeling crept up inside my stomach. I couldn't lose them-I just got them back.

So I decided not to think about it. Instead I just concentrated on Amber while she slept, moving hair from her face as needed. So when my phone rang again I just assumed that it was Jason. I didn't look when I answered.

"Hey."

_Jon, I need your help._

It wasn't the voice I was expecting so I was frozen for a moment.

"Brooke? Where are you?"

_Tommy Hagen threw a party. I got here and they were drinking so I had a few-_I could hear he words slur, and just how scared she was_-then Tommy started kissing me and I didn't want to-_

"Where are you at right now? I don't hear music so I'm guessing you walked out?"

_Yeah I can't drive though, but I'm too afraid to walk home alone. Can you come get me?_

"I'm on my way now, Brooke. Just wait where you are and I'll find you."

_Thanks, Jon._

I shut the phone and got up, making sure I didn't move too much to wake up Amber. When I stood up, Alice snapped her eyes open, surprised.

"Has something happened?" there was a hard edge to her voice. I knew that if anything happened without her knowing, she got a little angry.

"No. A friend needs my help. If Amber wakes up tell her I'll be back shortly." then I hopped out the window. I passed Taylor, who was sitting in a tree, one leg swinging, her eyes watching me intently. I waved then passed Jasper, who wasn't paying me any attention. Obviously he didn't care what I was doing, he only guessed that I knew what I was doing.

What was I doing? Helping a friend. That was all. Brooke needed my help, what was I supposed to do, tell her no good luck getting home? I didn't know then, but I should have.

I drove over to Tommy's house. I circled around a few times until I spotted Brooke sitting on the curb…holding a beer bottle. I parked in the nearest driveway and sprinted to her.

"Brooke!" I sat down next to her, throwing a blanket from my car over her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

She didn't say anything. She just looked at me with blood shot eyes.

"Come on, I'll take you home." I helped her up into my car. When she sat down in the car I revved the engine and turned the heater on. She took off the blanket and it was then that I realized she wasn't wearing a shirt, just her lacy, pink bra. I gulped averting my eyes.

I drove to her house, keeping my eyes on the road the whole time. I parked in her driveway and played with the keys in my hand. I expected her to get out, but she just stayed there and watched me.

"My parents aren't home."

I rubbed my neck, trying to keep my eyes from her body. "Do you have a key?"

I felt her hand on my thigh. I pushed it off in the same second, about to tell her to leave, when she scooted closer to me, engulfing me with her scent. I tried to stay calm and remain clear headed, which I sucked at. Brooke kissed my cheek, then my chin, then my lips.

So on the first night I started dating Amber, I cheated on her with my ex girlfriend. How's that for a world record?


	24. Chapter 22: Boundaries

22. Boundaries

I slip through the open window after passing Jasper and Taylor's curious eyes. I had been gone all night and it was six in the morning. There was a purplish light just above the horizon where the sun would be seen in a few minutes. I had no idea how Amber's house had such a view, and it was astounding, but I still felt something inside me that was eating at me, which made it impossible to enjoy the sunrise.

Alice shot me a look as I stepped over to Amber's bed, where she was still fast asleep. Her chest was slowly lifting as she took in a breath, then deflating as she let it out. I pushed some hair off her shoulder, and into her face, making her twitch. Her eyes slowly fluttered open after a few seconds.

Once Amber looked at me, I almost about fell to my knees and cried. I felt the guilt-the thing that was nagging at me-swell up in me. That night with Brooke was totally unplanned. I didn't really want to, but for some reason I felt like I had to. Like this whole thing was a part of me. I enjoyed you, mind you, but now that its over and I'm back with Amber, I felt sick to my core. I tried to stop it, but for some reason I couldn't. The thing with Brooke or the guilt. I just knew that I didn't deserve Amber, and she didn't deserve my crap.

Then I thought of it. Amber didn't exactly _have_ to know. She should, but she didn't have to. Besides, what was that old saying? What she doesn't know, wont hurt her. What she does know will, especially in this case. So I decided to keep the cheating myself, and I promised not to let it happen again. How in the world I strayed from this beautiful creature in front of me, I had no idea, but I did. But that's the past and now I'm in the future. Amber won't ever know and it will go on like normal.

Luckily I was able to process all of this with the sharp mind of a vampire, so she didn't even notice the pause I took.

I smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her, but even when she was laying down, she was able to pull away, my lips never touching hers. Instead she slid down and I hit her forehead. It was okay with me. As long as I was kissing something. But I wasn't able to understand the action.

She rubbed her head, gently pulling fingers through her tangled hair. There was a yawn, a throaty, groggy sound to it. "What time is it?" she peeked out the curtains. "I'm going back to bed." she said, probably deciding that it was too early to get up.

"Its Monday." I said nonchalantly.

Like someone had poured water over her she frantically checked her alarm clock. She half gasped half screamed. "Why didn't you wake me sooner? I'm going to be late!" Amber pushed herself off the bed, tripped over her own feet, but somehow regained her balance before snagging her foot on the rug. I grabbed her before she realized she was falling.

Alice was quietly laughing from the corner, keeping her eyes on the window. "Knowing what's about to happen doesn't make that any less funny."

I grinned at Alice, then looked down at Amber, who was still shocked. "I can drive faster than you know. Just get ready; I won't make you late." I was holding back a fit of laughter as she ran to the bathroom. I heard her shut the door and the shower turn on.

"Really, Jonathan?" any hint of humor was now gone from Alice's voice.

I turned to see her glaring at me, her obsidian eyes point blank, and murderous. "What?" but after she asked it I knew what she was talking about. For right now it was better to play dumb.

"Do I even need to say it?" she hissed, but she went on anyway. "How could you do that to her? After she trusted you! And on the first night! God, Jonathan, I thought you had more brains than that. Its going to crush her."

"Amber doesn't have to know," I mumbled.

"You're not going to tell her?"

"You just said it was going to crush her, which you know more than anyone else how she would react. Why would I do that to her by telling her?"

"Because it's the _truth_. You know nothing about girls do you?" she rolled her eyes and mumbled something to herself. "You of all people should." I narrowed my eyes at the way she said it. "She would rather you tell her the truth than learn about it from someone else. I would know."

"You don't know her."

Alice's eyes flashed. "And you do?"

I didn't have an answer for that. She was right of course, but I didn't want to take the chance. Either way she would break up with me, and the only one who knew was Alice for now. As long as no one told her, Amber would have no way of knowing.

I heard the water shut off in the shower.

I turned back to Alice, who was looking in the same direction as me. "Please, Alice?" I pleaded. "Don't tell her. I will when I'm ready and its at the right time."

Alice seemed to debate this to herself. She looked back at the door then at me. She huffed, then nodded stiffly, showing her distaste in the choice.

I kissed her quickly on the cheek and thanked her. Then I returned to Amber's bed and waited for her to come out.

* * *

One month.

Somehow Claire had convinced Aro to wait one month. She hadn't remembered exactly how she did it, but she knew Demetri had helped, with only little encouragement from her. No one liked it, but unless Aro wanted to voice his reasons for going in the first place, he had no choice but to take up her argument and accept her offer.

So now Claire had time, but not much of it. She had to figure out either how to keep the Volturi from them, or make them disappear for a while. She didn't like either of those choices, but for now it was all she had. She would go with it until she thought of something different that would keep Jonathan safe for the time being.

She knew there was no way she could risk revealing herself to them now. Aro was watching her non-stop and she couldn't even chance a call. If he didn't know, then he would by tracing the call or listening in. If he already did, which she highly guesses, then it would be reason to go right now. No times for calls and if she could get one in, there was no way they could get far away enough in time. The Earth is only so big for hiding spaces. Especially from someone like Demetri. Who he help her if she asked for it? Claire doubted it.

How was she going to keep them alive? Yes, she had her gift, but how could she use it without showing everyone who she was? The world had mourned her death. Claire Emerson was a legend among the vampire world, the first of the new vampire kind. Now that she was gone, the only original they had was Cody Evans. The world knew he was nothing to look up to or hold up with reverence.

Would they accept her when she got back? She had lied to them, not only once, but twice. The world knew her story of her past, what would they do if they knew what really happened between her and Cody? Shun her? Kill her for real this time? End her for good? Or just be glad the one vampire who could end Cody was back? She wouldn't be surprised if they didn't even know the truth. Claire had no idea if her family even knew the truth, but if they did, she would tell them the whole truth this time. Who knows that Cody could have done to their brains, she thought.

This was getting too difficult. She knew the Volturi would find out eventually, she was little surprised that they hadn't figured out sooner, but now that Aro knew, it was like a wrecking ball hitting her in the chest. Even the imaginary feeling of losing either of her boys was deadly. And there would be no more help from Cody. He wouldn't save their lives, hoping he would win her over. Once they were gone, they were gone. And she couldn't stand the feeling of it.

The worst part was that she didn't know whether she would take Cody back or take her own life to be with Jason and Jonathan. She didn't want to do either.

* * *

Amber had made me leave the room while she changed because she didn't trust me to cover my eyes. It was a little childish, but she was right. If I was in there, I would have peeked.

Alice had left a few minutes later before giving me a parting glare, and a smile towards Amber. At least I knew she was keeping her word.

"What was that about?" Amber asked as she walked to her bathroom. She dried her hair, brushed her hair, then washed her face before I could answer.

"Nothing really. An inside thing, if you will."

Amber nodded, not completely convinced.

"We need to go if you want to make it on time." I told her to keep her from pressing the subject.

Amber put her jacket on and slung a backpack over her shoulder. She looked in the mirror before turning to me. "How do I look?"

I struggled to keep my eyes from lingering in certain places and I looked over her. In the end I succeeded and smiled warmly at her as I told her, "Beautiful as always."

She laughed and gave me a small hug. I put my hands on her back, bringing them down lower more towards her butt. I made it to the top of her jeans before she pulled away. I held her tighter. She didn't need to play hard to get. I already wanted her. Then she was struggling to get free.

"Jonathan, stop. Let go of me." she insisted.

I let go unwillingly, resistant. I sighed with arrogance. "Come on, babe."

"That, Jonathan, is exactly why I didn't want to do this in the first place!" her voice had a edge of frustration and hysteria. She pushed farther away from him and walked down the hallway. She stopped in the kitchen before she turned on me, her eyes looking more like fire than honey.

"What are you talking about?" huh, I never noticed how much I said that until just now.

"I'm not your "babe" or some girl you can touch all over. I have my personal space. I respect my body, and I wish that you could too."

No one had ever said that to me before. Again, I had no idea how to respond to this. _Was _there a way to respond to this? If there was I had no way of finding one. I mean wasn't her body mine now? Didn't she belong to me? No? Then what was the point of having her as a girlfriend?

That's what she's asking me, isn't it? She's trying to change me. No. She's not. She just wants me to understand that she has her boundaries and she wasn't my little toy to play with. In fact I believe she made that quite clear in the beginning. So why was I so surprised? Amber had been this way since I first met her, she made her point on that she didn't like guys like me. She didn't like cussing, or being mean, or people hurting other people. She volunteered at the homeless shelter, which first attracted her to me. She was a sucker for anyone who was in pain or needed help.

Is she only dating me to make me feel better? Hadn't I already pressed that I don't want her pity? I fought the urge to yell at her.

With a cool face that took years to master, I was able to respond calmly. "You're right, and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Puppy dog eyes don't work on me." she noted, smiling again, clearly letting me know that she forgave me.

"I was going more for a innocent kitten angle." I winked.

"Right." She nodded. "The innocent tiger. Isn't that an oxymoron?"

"Shut up." I nudged her arm, pushing her a bit. She pretended to be hurt, but quickly caught up to me once she figured out I wasn't falling for it, and that I was already at the door.

"Can't I eat?"

I rolled my eyes, opening the door for her. "Just get in the car, Amber"

"Pushy."

Once she was in my car, seatbelt on, was when I turned the engine on. I looked back and pulled out of her long, dirt road, drive way. I hit the highway going eighty, slowing it down a bit.

"Am I allowed to hold you hand?" I asked, putting some sarcasm in my voice, but completely serious.

Amber looked at me, not even worried that my eyes weren't on the road. "Look, last night I was scared out of my wits. Normally I wouldn't have let you lay there with me. I don't trust you, Jonathan. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. And until I know that this relation is more about emotions that physical urges, then I'm not letting you touch me."

"I can't even hold your hand?"

Amber kept her gaze out the window.

"Amber, I get that you have limits, and that you have your personal space. I understand that you need time with someone like…me. "

"I'm sure you think you love me-anyone can come up with that assumption and think that they love someone. But what about tomorrow when you see some girl you want? Will you think you love her too? I just want to make sure its love, not lust."

I turned the car onto Middle-Urbana, then sped up as we neared the school.

"Then what are we? Even normal couples hold hands, kiss hug, that kind of thing. Are we dating or what?" I pulled the keys out of the ignition. I got out of the car, grabbed her bag, then opened her door for her before she had time to think about getting it herself.

"Jonathan, if you haven't noticed lately, we are _far _from what we would call a normal couple."


	25. Chapter 23: Mask

23. Mask

Amber walked with me to class, until we split up. I watched her go down the hallway and turn left with a pang of unease. There was something wrong about the way she walked. She always walked with confidence, and easy stride that made you feel welcome. This time it was strained, like it took so much effort just to take that single step. Amber clutched her side as she walked, almost like she was holding herself up. I wanted to follow her, but the bell rang and I entered the room.

Once I saw Brooke staring at me with a coy smile, I thought my head was about to explode. Everything from that night was shoved into my mind. Her breath, her touch, the feel of her on my skin. And it wasn't just the guilt of cheating on Amber that made me feel…dirty. It was the fact that when I thought about the cheating, a picture of Cody Evans was in my mind. His smile, his attitude, the way he treated others, especially girls. He used them and threw them away. It made me sick the way he did that.

I sighed, taking my seat, the farthest one from Brooke. I was the same as him. It was more like he was my father than Jason was. I was more in tuned to him than anyone I had ever met. Great. Just what I needed. Another reason to hate myself. Was I going to start raping women? Would I be just like him. The answer hit me like a battering ram. I already was exactly like him, using people for myself and not caring what they think or how much they hurt. Of all the people I could have been like, why him? Was I going to find someone to harass like he did to Jason and Claire? Was I going to end up killing the girl? Was Amber my Claire, the one I was going to end up stalking?

No, of course no. Cody took that role. It was just like Jason said. Since there was no more Claire to annoy, her was going to settle for the more fragile human and the ill experienced hybrid. I was sure I could learn to kill him, but the only person who had a prayer of doing so, who had any chance of killing him, who was able to stand her ground and fight like hell, was dead.

I had killed this worlds only chance of ridding itself of Cody Evans. Like I didn't have enough guilt on my shoulders.

I slid my text book and binder over to the side, looking at the empty seat. Who sat here? Or had this desk always been empty? No, that couldn't be right because there were two empty desks where Christopher and I had sat. where was Christopher anyway? I shook my head, feeling swamped. It had only been two days since I had seen him, but it felt like an eternity. Just one weekend had changed my life, and then ruined it in the same day. Jason said it was like that for him too. How he was forced into Claire's life by Sam, when she phased right in front of him. Of course there was something bigger going on at that point, but it was their first date. Sort of.

First date? I thought back to Friday, how she told me to stop by the next day. It wasn't really a date, she didn't even like me then, much less ask me out on a date. But in my mind I construed into one, because I was a lot more selfish then. Its astounding and mind boggling how much your life can change in one short day.

Right on cue, Christopher the vampire slayer, walked in, eyeing me as he sat down in his normal seat. If this was a normal day, I wouldn't really have noticed him walk in, much less notice him when my mind was pounding like a drum. But it was only when another boy walked in, that I took notice. He was tall, almost as tall as me, with shaggy red hair flipped in such a way it reminded me of Justin Bieber before he was killed when his tour bus crashed. Good riddance I thought. His face was covered in freckles around his nose, cheeks and down his arms. His eyes were a brilliant green, like some light was on them all the time, making them glow. He was skinny, but yet built in a way that told me he was a runner, and a good one at that. His legs were well toned, but his arms were a little lanky looking. He was wearing a dark green shirt, and tan cargo pants. In his hands were books for this class and the next, which told me he was now a student.

This was Aaron, Christopher's brother. I could see the same features and round face that Chris had. He didn't talk about his family much, other than they weren't as welcoming as him, or as skilled. But from Aaron's cold eyes, and dark look, I could tell he was a ruthless hunter. Someone who had a calculating mind, but reacted first and asked questions later. I was assuming that was his one flaw, but if he was still alive and hunting vampires, he was still able to defeat them either way. Whatever his method, it worked.

He didn't mind me. Or even acknowledge I was here. He just sat down next to his brother. But that didn't mean he didn't know I was here. He had to, or else his senses weren't good enough to keep him alive. I had to stay alert with this guy around, either that it would cost me my life.

I wondered why his brother was here. What purpose would him being with his brother serve? Then I got it. When I dropped Christopher off at his house, his brother had seen him. He must have told him that he's going to school here. Then Aaron must have seen this big coven of vampires here, and two werewolves. Christopher may be a good hunter, but to be able to defeat two covens? That would take a miracle. And Aaron must know about the Emerson's and our gifts. Chris hunted Claire after all. He must know their story. And the Cullens are just as famous for their stand against the Volturi. But still, why come? He couldn't protect him. Something else had to be going on, but what?

The bell rang and I glanced wildly at the clock. There was no way class could be over, we had only been here a few minutes hadn't we? No, the clock told me that much. Time had flown in this class while my mind had wandered. I copied down the homework in my planner and exited the classroom.

Jason bumped into me in the hallway, smiling before he entered his next class. I passed Skylar and Taylor, Nick and Syd, then other faces that I knew from this school, but I felt as if I weren't even here. Because I saw Amber walking down the hall a few feet from me, talking to Liam, oblivious that we were only a mere meter apart.

This is how the whole day went. I was barely alert through the whole school thing. My mind was off, thinking of Amber, what she said in the car, trying to break down everything she said, her expression and what it all could mean. Did she like me? She had to give me a chance. Were there any double meanings? Was she playing hard to get? My mind doubted it all. Amber was a straightforward person, I knew that much. She said what she felt. She spoke her mind. She was a truthful person. Her life had to be perfect, other her mom's death.

I envied her. She had everything she could want. The only similarity between us is that both our moms are dead. She had money, a farm, beauty, kindness, gentleness, hell why don't I just name the fruits of the freaking Holy Spirit! Amber was a perfect small town girl, living in her perfect small town world where she had her own little innocent perfect life.

The last bell rang and I was the first one out of the classroom. I snagged my stuff from the locker, shoved my books in their to do homework later, and then met up with Amber. Surprisingly she beat me to the car. She was smiling, which made me feel a little better, but really I had no reason to worry in the first place.

I put my hand right by her neck and leaned over her, grinning like a fool. "How was your day?"

She shrugged and looked around. "People are watching us."

I didn't bother to look. I knew people were staring. And I especially felt daggers in my back from Liam's gaze. "Let them. I don't care."

Amber gazed thoughtfully at me. She chuckled to herself.

"What?"

She laughed more openly this time. "I can tell by their faces their wondering what good miss Amber Bay is doing with bad boy Jonathan Greenfield." she threw her head back. "By tomorrow rumors are going to be flying. I can't wait to hear what they come up with." she was amused, not angry or upset. She kept surprising me. Most girls would be upset that lies were floating, but Amber didn't…she didn't _care_. This girl was amazing.

I opened her door and helped her in.

"Why thank you, sir." she giggled.

I bowed, winking. I shut her door softly and then went to my own side. I revved the engine and pulled out of the school parking lot.

"I don't want to go home yet. Its boring there."

I eyed her. "Where do you want to go then?"

She flipped through some radio stations, and ended up with country. I didn't really like country. It was either about making up, breaking up, or getting drunk because your girlfriend left you.

Amber noticed my disgust and turned it up. It was an oldies station from 2010, and obviously she listened to it a lot because she knew every line.

"Rain is a good thing!" she laughed when her voice squeaked. I rolled my eyes, asking her where she wanted to go.

"I think there's a Hershey's Ice Cream store down by the BP gas station." I knew what she was talking about. I turned right and down onto Middle Urbana road. I took a left at the stop light until I passed the park with the fountain then I pulled into the Ice Cream shop right across from the gas station.

She got out of the car and opened the door, a _ding_ from the bell hooked to the door. We were greeted by a gray hair man in a big t-shirt. He seemed nice enough when he took our orders. We both waited for our chocolate ice cream, leaning on the wall.

"I'll be right back." Amber said, leaving the place. When she came back in five minutes later she was carrying a bad full of chocolate covered strawberries from Smith's Market, right next to Hershey's. I laughed as she handed my one. It was good.

The man handed us our bowls and we took our seat outside under an umbrella. The first couple bites were filled with silence.

Food was a weird thing for me. I mean it sort of tasted good because of my werewolf side, but then it also had a more bitter taste from the vampire mouth. It was like two things fighting itself at once. Like one time when I had some birthday cake, I took the first bite and spat it out, begging for blood. I was a blood junky, but I haven't hunted in a long time. I've just been living on human food really.

I was the first to speak.

"So tell me more about you."

Amber about choked on her ice cream. "What?"

I give her a napkin for she got ice cream on her jacket. "Well you know all about me, and I don't know anything about you. Tell me." I thought this to be an easy conversation filled with her wonderful life.

I was wrong.

For the first time, Amber really got angry at me. Her eyes steeled over, she set her jaw, her nostrils flared. "It's none of your business." she turned away. It struck me that Amber was one of those people who cried when they got really angry. I gave her another napkin to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to tell you." this time her voice wasn't defiant, it was almost like a plea. Like I wouldn't like her when she told me.

"I could help, you know. I've been through rotten stuff too." I put my hand on her shoulder, leaning across the plastic table.

She closed her eyes. "Please just drop it."

"No."

She glared at me again, but this time not so strongly. She sighed in feat when I didn't let up, look away, or flinch. "Two years ago when I was fifteen, I was just starting my freshman year. It was a new school, new friends, a whole new experience and I liked it. I was top of my grade, prettiest girl in school according to some people, and I had everything really. My parents had good money, they loved each other, they never fought, it was just a good life." her life was what I pictures it to be. "There was this guy named Stephen. He was like you, Jonathan-a bad boy, a guy who used girls, that kind of thing." she checked to make sure I wasn't hurt by her words then went on when she was that I wasn't.

"So Stephen followed me a lot, trying to get me to date him, but I didn't like him and I knew he didn't like me, just my body. So for the longest time, I ignored him. One day he was sitting on the curb at school, still waiting for his ride and it was five o'clock. I sat down next to him and we just talked. No awkwardness, no flirting, just talking about his life really. I waited with him until his mom finally arrived. He asked me out on a date again, and this time I said yes, surprisingly."

Amber went out on a date with this guy?

"We hung out at school and countless people warned me to break it off before I got hurt, but I had the feeling that maybe I could change him. I mean that person on the curb wasn't pretend. Maybe somehow I would be able to bring it out of him again. But he didn't. He flirted with me, other girls, and even had sex with one of my friends. But I didn't end it. I just kept going, hoping he would see the light." she laughed at herself with no trace of humor. "He pressured me a lot too, but I never gave in. We "dated" for one year, until I…I-I did give in."

I thought my eyes were about to fall out of their sockets.

"I thought maybe that if I did have sex with him, he would love me, but he never did. He dumped me _on the same night_, laughing his head off with his friends when they came to pick him up. When I went back to school, I was the butt of the joke for a while. I became depressed, I drank a lot, did drugs, a lot of stupid things I should have never done. After the first couple of weeks when everything died down, I became hidden. I wore a mask all the time. No one ever saw the real happy Amber anymore. She hasn't been around for a long time.

"I just sort of shut down. Like I said I did drugs, alcohol, all of which with my dad never finding out. I became a rebel, I fought with my parents all the time. My mom came to get me from a party because I was too wasted to drive. Some guy ran a red light and crashed into her side of the car. I walked away without a scratch, but she was killed. It snapped me out of my stupor, and I became more alert. I hid my self again, making me seem like the perfect daughter again. I couldn't even go to my own moms funeral with the guilt I felt." she was crying harder now.

She looked at me. "Anything else you want to know?" and there I saw it, when I didn't know why I couldn't see it before. In her eyes was the shell I hid myself in too, the wall that blocked out everything from everyone. She was more like me than I guessed. I saw the rock hard Amber as she glared at me again.

I shook my head, lost in words. Sadly, like the hormone filled male I am, the only thing I could think about was that Amber wasn't a virgin.


	26. Chapter 24: Thoughts

24. Thoughts

"Are you going to say something?" Amber asked, a slight glaze over her eyes. She flipped some hair back from her face and drilled me with a stare.

I sat there, staring back, thousands of thoughts swimming through my mind, trying to process everything. Even with my vampire brain, it took one whole minute before everything seemed to sink in.

"Is there more?" I didn't really expect an answer, but when she turned her head away in silence, I didn't expect that she'd be hiding more either. "Sometimes silence is louder than words, Amber." I reminded her, touching her hand. She jerked it away from me like I was a rattle snake about to bite.

"There's nothing left to say." again she averted her eyes from mine.

"Amber," I said, moving so she could see my face. "You're a terrible liar." a little laugh escaped her lips. I held her hand, elated that she didn't even try to move it away. Instead she seemed to hold tighter, as if I was her life saving device. "Tell me." I breathed in her face. She blinked, found it hard to breathe, then let out a sigh. Her eyes closed as she took a deep breath, taking in my scent. I had the urge to go just a little closer, to where our lips would touch, but something told me not to, warned me it was a bad idea, and I moved farther away from a girl for the first time in history.

Amber melted at that moment. I saw her defenses fall with a sudden crash, every shell she was in she cracked open, revealing her soft spots. She knew she was vulnerable, but she must have truest me enough to not hurt her, right now anyway.

"I'm not an only child. My brother moved out once my mom was killed. But he was the one who got me hooked up with the drugs and the beer. He sneaked me joints when mom or dad wasn't around. We went to parties, got wasted, then got a bus, then picked up the car in the morning before my parents found out."

"Some brother." I said.

She snapped her head towards me. "He was good to me. He took care of me. He wasn't an over-the-top kind of guy. I was. He told me when I had enough and we fought constantly because I always wanted more. When mom died he ran off…" she looked away from me again, some shields trying to pull themselves up, but it was too late. "And he took his own life." a few tears slid down her cheeks. Her body quivered as it tried to hide the fact that she was crying.

I wiped them from her face. I got up and walked inside the store, grabbed a napkin, and handed it to her.

"That's everything." she sniffed, taking the tissue and blew her nose. Then she wiped the water from her face and then looked in the window. I counted to one hundred before she looked at me again, more calm than before. Her eyes were less red, her face was no longer pale, and she seemed…better. Like her shoulders weren't as slumped as before. She seemed stronger somehow, yet very vulnerable. She told me everything, and that put her at risk, but I would tell no one, not even my family.

"Thank you. I love you," I reminded her.

A laugh escaped her. "You're welcome." she didn't say 'I love you' back, but I didn't really expect her to. I hid how much it hurt,

"That's why my dad doesn't like you, you know." she said as I threw our trash away in the can.

"Huh?" I opened her own door and I slid in mine, starting the car.

"You kind of look like him, you and Jason obviously." she laughed, a sound that made me smile. "And then what happened with Stephen, well can you blame him?"

I winced. "No, I guess I can't."

"Sorry." she apologized.

"You have no reason to. It's my problem-not yours." my mind went back to Brooke, and I felt the same sickening feeling I felt earlier.

I pulled into her driveway, coming at a stop behind her truck. I paused for only a second, but so many thoughts were bounding through my head, bouncing off the walls of my mind.

* * *

I never felt like this before. This feeling was a little bit funny, something I wasn't used to. I never felt remorse for using girls. I liked it, I wanted it. I have always been doing it and I wanted to do it forever. I never wanted a long term relationship. Girls were just so needy that there was no reason to bother. One night was enough for me. Id give her lonely life some love, then leave her on her sorry ass. I liked how I used girls. I loved going to parties, pretending to get wasted, then having sex with every girl in sight. Yes I had my limits, because some stuff I just thought was gross (Like blow jobs and threesomes). I preferred it the old fashion, one-on-one game. Sex, girls, parties, that was what my life was about until I met her. I mean HER. But changing isn't easy for me. This always been my life, and it might be that reason that I can never truly call her mine. Amber doesn't trust me, and I know why, and its totally my fault. No question. I want to change for her, I do, but its like fighting what my body was made for.

Little did I know Amber was already changing little things about me.

* * *

I watched Amber sit down on her bed, from outside her window. The breeze was small, very gentle. The smell had a dry feeling to it, with some cows, hay and horses. I heard the breathing of each animal, but even though I've heard their noises for thirty years, I knew the sound of Amber's heartbeat anywhere. I could pick out her scent in a crowd. Every little detail was her own and it was each something I knew by my own heart. I was surprised about how much I knew about her, just by watching her in these few short days.

Amber loves music. She normally has her door shut, volume up, and dances around her room for hours. She listens to R&B, Pop, and some Christian music. She hates rap and above all, screamo. "You can't even understand the words," she complained one day. When she's not listening to music, she either doing homework or reading. She read almost as much as I do. Now I know I said books are stupid, but I actually meant like school books and stuff. Fictional, suspense, mystery those are my kinds of books. She never uses her phone, though I've heard it ring. She just looks at it, gets this funny look, and puts it away. She brushes her hair at night, and her teeth. She takes her showers in the morning, and spends time with her father after school. Its like she has everything under control. A set schedule for all her time. She also seems so…careful. When she walks, talks, its like she's…I don't know. She doesn't care what people think about her, so that's not it. Maybe now that I'm looking for it, I can see that Amber is very refined, back in the shadows a bit, trying not to get hurt.

The light flickered in her room.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped nearly out of my own skin. I twisted my ankles, turning to the voice behind me, ready for anything, only for my brain to catch up with my instincts so I could tell it was Edward Cullen.

I didn't really hate him now, just a little pissed. I kind of felt sorry for hitting on his wife all the time, but it wasn't my fault she was so hot. He needs to find uglier women.

He frowned, though a corner of his lips were twitching, fighting a smile.

"I'm…" what was I doing? Watching her every move and how she goes about her day? That sounds like I'm stalking her. Am I? I don't stalk.

"You're protecting her." he answered for me, smiling at my panicked thoughts. I hissed, but he knew I didn't mean it.

"You can say that."

"I used to watch Bella sleep, you know. Every night, just to learn more about her. Plus she fascinated me." Edward said, his voice obviously full of emotion. He only did that because he couldn't read her thoughts. Yeah, well not all of us have that liberty.

Edward snapped his head toward me with a quizzical stare. I could tell he was searching far into my mind, picking up on the last thing I thought. And with that thought came the lie of it. I had known what Amber was thinking, I didn't know how it was possible, but I was in her mind. Just like now I felt a connection to her while she was in that room. She was pouring herself over a book, probably crying over the sad ending. I had this connection with her that no one else had with their true loves.

"I don't know how it works." I told him, answering the look on his face. The one night where Cody came and I had been asleep. I remember hearing Amber's voice in my mind screaming for me to wake up. And then I awoke to see Cody over her, and I leapt into action. How in the world had I read her thoughts? She must have felt the connection we had. She must know that when I woke up that night from sleep that I could read her thoughts. She could get into my head, but could she read mine? No, I knew that much. If she did there would be no doubt that I loved her, but she would also know all of the awful things I had done that I never told her.

_Do you think it had to do with my werewolf status?_ I asked Edward in my head.

He shook his head. "Jason would be able to do the same thing."

"Who knows that he can't?"

"True, but he's never thought about it."

I looked back at Amber. "No one has ever asked him." not true. I did the other day.

He nodded. "You can only read Amber's?"

I dipped my head. "Only in times of distress, like when something bad or eventful is happening. Like when Amber was scared, she was able to talk inside my head, and I could hear it."

Edward pushed his hands into his pockets. "Maybe it _is_ something only a Pryor-Wolf can do. Like when you've found your soul mate. And Jason can't do it because his is dead." Edward looked at the sky, like he was trying to see Claire from heaven.

"Your mother wasn't a whore, Jonathan. I know you thought she was when Cody came. She might have done some rotten things she's never told us about, but she was never a whore." Edward said, looking at me through the darkness. The tension was sad, lonely.

And I felt this block in my mind, like some sort of shield embraced me, taking my thoughts and making sure Edward wasn't in them. I wasn't trying to keep him out, nor do I think it was even me doing it. There was this presence that I felt that made me feel safe, even though I was alone in my head. There wasn't just a presence in my mind, but out there as well. Someone was out there, someone I didn't know, but yet I did. it's a paradox, I know, but its true. I trusted the person, and I wasn't afraid. I was fairly certain it was this being that shielded my mind.

It was like Edward was unaware of this. Like when you put a picture in front of a security camera, the camera sees the picture and not what's actually going on. Its like he's getting this phony version of my thoughts while he has no clue what the real ones are. Sweet.

"I know." I said, taking my eyes from the spot in the field where I felt the presence in case Edward realized it and went to investigate. Something told me that the person didn't want to be seen. "It just made me feel better. Like I killed a bad person instead of someone wonderful."

"Jonathan-"

"Can we not talk about this? I don't feel like it. Its been a long weekend."

Edward looked at me strangely, like he just figured out my thoughts were different from my words, and then walked away. Amber was looking out the window, in my direction. She gave a wave. I looked out in the field.

The presence was gone.

_Hey guys. Look, im sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes, i'm human. If i say that Amber has green eyes or Brookes name is Blake, then it means i wrapped up in my other stories and i forget which one im in. If i do, just try go guess what i would be saying. Sometimes my mind moves faster than my fingers can type. Thanks a bunch for the reviews because they keep me going. I seriously thought about ending this chapter until i got a review that told me not to give up and keep going. So review, give ideas if you want, and thanks for putting up with my blonde mistakes! (:_


	27. Chapter 25: Change

25. Change

It has been two weeks since I've felt the presence of another vampire like that one. When I sat in that field ten minutes after it had gone, I still felt a weird feeling that the person was watching me, which it was still around, waiting for me somehow. There was an essence of power that it had, something that made me want to run, but my animal instincts-that I've now been gaining since I've phased-tell me that even though the being is a threat, I shouldn't be worried. Something about it made me feel better when it was around. Like a part of me was complete. Like part of me knew who that person was and it made me whole.

He past couple of weeks didn't really fly by, but they weren't too slow either. I picked Amber up, drove her to school, we went for a drive, a date if you will, talked, then I dropped her off at her house where she ate and went into her room. I would knock on the window, always making her jump, even though she left it open for me, expecting me. She even was watching for me one night, and I _still_ frightened her. Then we would sit her room, listening to music, laughing because we thought he dad was going to come catch us, but he never did. We played Uno, the best card game in the universe besides Go-fish, or just talked for hours. I would help her pick out her clothes for the next day, clean her room, or help explain some literature homework. She's not very good at poetry. We discussed books, sometimes until she fell asleep, and I liked it. No one at home would do that with me. On the nights she stayed up with me I would tell her goodnight, give a little wave, and then be out the window in into the night.

Of course we never left Amber alone. Someone was always there when I left, ready to scope and watch for Cody. I search the forests, the open fields, and every cave within a hundred miles of her house three times each in the same night, neither finding him or his scent that he even exists. It's also true that if he doesn't want to be found, he's not going to be.

On certain nights Amber would wake up from a dream that scared her, either from Cody, me, or Stephen. And on rare nights, all three of us starred in her night time pictures. I would just remind her that I was here and I was going to protect her, until she finally dozed off to sleep.

I didn't hug her. I didn't touch her, grab her hand, or give her some small gesture or comfort or compassion. I haven't kissed her since the second time Cody came back into our lives and that was mostly an accident, sort of. I never grabbed for her hand or even made another attempt to touch her in anyway. No brush of the hair, no high fives, absolutely nothing. I had to give her a chance to trust me, and if that meant, no physical relationship, that was fine with me.

I wish that last sentence were true, more than anyone could ever imagine. I've slept with eleven women_ just in the past two days._ I'm not proud of it, but on the other hand, I am. I need something; my body craves physical love from girls. I go to parties after I say my goodbyes to Amber, I pretend to get drunk, and then I get laid. My record in five girls in one night, I broke that last night, reaching seven in just two hours. In any other circumstances, I would have been ecstatic, bragging to everyone I knew, and then every girl would be lining up, hoping to be one of the girls that break the record again, but sadly, no one remembered. I didn't talk about it, afraid Amber would find out, and then break up with me. The last thing she needed right now was another Stephen.

Which brings me to this question: what the hell am I doing, knowing that if Amber realizes what I'm doing, that's its going to kill her? Maybe literally.

I sat up in bed, staring at the girl next to me, shaking off the terrible memory I had when I slept with that one girl, the night before I met Amber. I thought of my life again.

_What are you doing, Jon? _I asked myself._ There's a beautiful girl in a bed a few miles from here, sleeping peacefully, that you have a claim to, and you're screwing it up. If she ever finds out, not only is she going to be crushed, my family with either a) kill me or b) be so disappointed in me than I'm going to run again, never to return. I could survive without them, couldn't I? I did it once before and where did that get me? A small room in a dirty homeless shelter. Do you really want to live that way again, Jon?_

I sighed, looking at the girl again, I girl I knew nothing about, who wasn't even that pretty. Of course no one was pretty anymore compared to Amber's beauty. I didn't even know this girls name, and I was going to destroy any confidence she had when she wakes up and realizes that this was a one night stand, not the beginning of a relationship. Not only with her esteem going way down, but there's just a very slight chance, a chance so small it might not even happen, but a chance none the less that she could get pregnant. As if I hadn't already killed enough that way.

She was pretty, I mean I wasn't blind, but Amber was different. This girl I had no clue about was different. She had red hair with tiny freckles around her nose, her curls flung around her head from a restless night. She was a small, petite girl, who looked more like she belonged in a rodeo than a little black dress. She had tiny curves, the skinniest waist I had ever seen in my entire life and calves which showed me she was built for speed. The girl looked calm, for now, but I'm pretty sure I just destroyed her life.

When I first saw her at the party, she was shy, like she knew she didn't belong there. She didn't drink, or smoke, or do any drugs, nor partake in any dancing, let alone moving from the side of her friend she came with. But when that friend got drunk and began to party like an animal, she was entirely alone. I could tell from the panicked look that she knew no one, and was ready to bolt at the door, if she could find it through the swarms of kids in that house. I saw my chance and walked slowly up to her and grabbed her elbow.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, getting her to look at me.

Her gaze was small, much closed and very afraid. She reminded me of a cornered animal that had no way to protect itself. She nodded quickly, not really understanding the question. She was too frightened to get a word out.

But from her eyes I knew that she saw that I was beautiful. She looked at me, playing with her fingers, looking over every part of my perfect body. Her face lifted a bit, feeling some confidence that this god-like creature was talking to her.

"My name is Jon. You seem a little lonely." I winked at her, making a small smile appear. She began to relax almost instantly with my soothing tone.

I never asked for her name, because frankly, at that point, I didn't care. All I cared about was the body underneath that dress. Her stomach was small, her breasts were quite large for her size, and I could tell that she could move, even though I haven't seen her take one step that entire night.

I grabbed her hand, took my other and lifted her face. I bent down to kiss her, not even bothering to say anything more. At first she kissed back hesitantly, but after a few seconds, she was grabbing at me full force. No one noticed two kids having a full on make out session. No one cared.

I lifted her up and she put her legs around my waist, not taking her lips from mine. We ascended the stairs, and from there…well you get my point.

The only thing I don't get is why I feel so bad about it. I've never felt this way after having sex with a random girl at a party. I've done it for years and felt absolutely nothing for the women I used. The question is why? What makes the difference now? Because I have a girlfriend? I had "girlfriends" before and still I felt fine.

It was because of the way Amber looked at me. She was disgusted of who I really was. I cold see the hatred of my kind in her eyes. Then the look of innocence, and caring, and understanding when I was in the homeless shelter. Oh, and lets not forget her ability to jump on the train of dating me, even though she knows who I am and what I've done. It's the look of, trust I guess, and faith that I won't screw up or hurt her that made me feel this way. She was the reason my chest ached.

So what did I do? I got up, gathered up my clothes, feeling dirty, and left the room without a second glance. Amber could never know, because this wasn't going to ever happen again.

* * *

It wasn't until the third week that I realized the full extent of the change. I hadn't slept with a girl since that one night with the red head. I've been faithful to her for one week. No sex, no nothing. That's the longest I've ever gone, believe it or not. And it didn't feel so bad. I knew that by making Amber trust me, she would be more willing to fall for me.

But that wasn't the only change in my life. My attitude changed toward everyone, I was nicer to people I didn't know, I was more polite to girls, treated them fair, and I didn't beat poor freshmen in the locker rooms. I was always in a happier mood because since my little change, Amber has been more open with me, and more willing. She held my hand on the car ride to school two days ago. She kissed me goodnight before I left last night. I loved every bit of this. My grades were better. I mean I'm the smartest kid in school, but I just don't reflect it. I was flunking every class but Spanish and literature, and in one week I brought everything up by turning in homework for once and acing every test.

The best thing I had ever done, was just today. Right now actually.

I was walking alone in the hallway, two minutes before the bell rang, wearing my favorite basketball jacket and jeans. I was about to pass a girls bathroom when a girl came out. I thought nothing of it until she turned around and I saw her pants. I glanced at the clock. The bell was going to ring in thirty seconds. She was going to be humiliated in thirty seconds. Her life ruined, in thirty seconds. Okay maybe the last one was a bit extreme, but to her, her life _would_ be ruined.

I rushed up to her, shaking off my jacket. I put it around her. Seeing that it was extra long over her short legs, and short torso. It covered her butt precisely.

"You're bleeding through," I whispered in her ear when she looked at me weird. Her face changed into horror, then surprise, then outright gratitude. Then it was more horror. "I won't tell anyone, promise. You can keep the jacket, too."

She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose as the bell rang. "Thank you, so much."

I smiled at her as she walked away.

Amber came out of the classroom then. "What was that about?" her voice uplifted and cheerful. She grabbed my hand.

"Helping a friend." I didn't even know her name.

Then I saw Mallory, Brooke and Sarah, talking together down the hall. They each looked at me with spiteful smiles.

Brooke came up to me, grabbed my face and kissed me passionately on the lips. "Thanks for the _amazing_ sex last week. I loved it." And she walked away. As Sarah and Mallory passed, I saw them both wink at me.

There went my good day.

Amber stared at me, wide eyed, furious. She dropped my hand and stepped back. She might as have ripped my heart out when she let go.

Everyone in the hall was staring.


	28. Chapter 26: My son

26. _My Son_

I had never thought of my mother more than in that moment alone. How her face looked in that one picture-her flawless skin, like a chiseled angel made from the rays of heaven itself. Her smile, which stretched open farther than the ocean, her heart which was wider than the sky, giving out love and hope to any and all who would listen to her. Claire's red eyes, which glowed in the night, showing her only weakness, her fatal flaw, but even in that she chose to make at as right as she could. The wall she built up to hide her pain from all. I knew all of these things from that one picture I took from Jason's room. I then made theories about her from the stories, but those were the only things I knew were absolute truth. I just knew it.

But that was not the reason I was thinking of her. The reason she, and all her wonderful traits I had killed, crossed my mind was because as I looked over the faces I knew from school, all pausing midstride in the hallway to see what the commotion was about, there was a face I had never seen in person, a face I thought was buried in the ground, decomposing into dirt and ashes, and that face was staring at me.

_Claire. _

I blinked, thinking the illusion would go away and I would have to deal with Amber, the girl I was desperately in love with. But no, she was still there, staring at me with butterscotch eyes, the only thing that didn't match with my memory of her. But I knew this was her! This was the same presence I felt in Amber's yard, when Cody had attempted to kill me, and when I had first cheated on Amber. I felt that same presence. Then the smell was the same as that one female vampire who saved me from Cody, when Cody admitted he was stalking Amber.

It was always Claire.

She's dead, though! I killed her hadn't I? When I was born, Jason had pumped on her heart for five days. She was dead. Either that or a great actress. Or maybe Cody-

Claire-_My mother!_-was moving, taking me away from that thought. Her eyes connected with mine, making me shiver. She too had the same reaction, for she smiled brilliantly for one second, then realized something and turned around.

_She's running away!_

Something told me to follow her, a simple instinct that I obeyed suddenly. I vaguely heard Amber crying, her voice screaming at me. I didn't see Jason running up to me, confused, trying to calm Amber. Skylar was watching me, following my line of sight, but the girl I had been watching was gone, out the doors in a blur.

I sprinted down the hall, pushing angry students out of my way, trampling a small freshman, and shoving a teacher into a locker. Syd grabbed my arm, trying to hold be back, but I quickly twisted out of it and started up again. Angel wrapped her arms around my waist, stopping me for a moment, but I slammed her into the locker with a punch to the face and was out the door in five seconds flat from the time I started. No one knew how the two girls had fallen, or what had even happened in the hall. All they could see was a crying junior and a chaotic hallway.

Why were they trying to stop me? I was going to see my mom! The person I needed more than anyone, and they were trying to stop me! Anger boiled to the surface, taking me by surprise. I felt the urge to take the last step, to phase, but resisting the urge; I took a sniff of the open air and followed the scent I had just now realized was my mother's.

I soon figured out that she had been all over the place. Her scent was every where I went. Down the street, in the school, at my house, the homeless shelter, and the hidden path we took when running to Forks. She had followed us, seen us, so why had she not appeared to us? Why hide? Did she not was to be with us? Did she not like me? Was I the reason of all her pain?

With crossing the road, I hit a fresh scent. I skidded, and turned left, never stopping, and followed the path she had only taken just a few seconds ago. It was covered with werewolf scent, meant to throw me off, but I was so used to it, I barely registered that it was even there. I saw a blur of blonde hair rounding a house and sped up, using the speed that Claire had given me. Who knew I would be using it to chase her down.

But why run from me? I'm her son, doesn't that mean anything?

I came up hard on her heels, my hand outstretched. I thought had her until she took off again, with some speed I didn't have. I chased her still, feeling hopeless, into the woods, a good ten miles until I finally came to the truth.

She was gone. My mother, the one I've needed for so long, the one I killed, the one I loved without meeting her, ran from me and now I've never felt so alone in my life.

I sank to my knees, feeling my heart break in two. It was different from Amber, so different. This woman I had never met was a part of me that no one knew, and I had a chance to finally touch her, and now she was gone.

So many thoughts, oh my god there were so many thoughts. So many thoughts in fact that I had no idea what I was even thinking. All I knew was that I needed my mom.

A small whimper slid through my lips. Then that whimper escalated from a cry, then to an agonized scream of a man who has lost everything. And I had truly lost it all. I had just lost Amber, the only I had to live for, and now I had my mom for one fleeting moment, and now I had it ripped from me too.

Another scream, another hole in my heart, ripping it in two. I pounded my fists on the ground, burying my face in the dirt.

An image of Cody killing me crossed my mind. The fact that I wanted it to happen made my stomach turn.

No! NO! _No!_ This couldn't be happening! I pushed my hands through my hair, tempting myself to pull it out, when I saw a shadow rising from behind me. For a moment I thought it was Cody, coming to end it, just like I secretly wanted him to. I stood unsteadily, promising that I was going to fight him to the death if I was going to die by his hands, not by begging him to.

That is when I came face to face with the girl I had been chasing with my life.

_Claire._

My heart skipped a beat just by thinking of her name.

The photo had not done my mother justice. She was much more beautiful, more beautiful than any human or vampire I had ever seen, and I had seen many. Her skin was white as snow, a flawless slab of marble carved by God himself. Every feature on her face was perfect-the wide almond shape of her eyes, the way her cheek bones were soft under her skin, yet the most prominent thing about her face. The nose was sculpted better than a perfect painting, her chin just a part of the masterpiece. The lips were a pale white, more colored than the skin, but it looked like she was suffering from hypothermia. Her hair was a golden blonde, shimmering around her like a pulsing light, hanging down past her shoulders. Her arms hung loosely at her shoulders, down to her mid-thigh. Most volleyball players would kill for arms that long. Her shoulders were broad, but relaxed, showing that she didn't like to stress. I skipped her chest, way to awkward to think about, and moved to her waist. She was curved down at her waist, not as skinny as little Angel or Alice, but no one would dare call her fat. She was well muscled in her abs, her pants clinging to her well formed skin. Her torso wasn't as long as her legs. And her calves, well they reminded me of mine, big and built for speed. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on.

Her eyes were the only thing that made me doubt who she was, though my body knew that she was Claire, my mother. They were a warm brown, light after hunting animals. But everyone had said she preyed on humans, saying that animal blood had no affect on her. My picture proved it. So did she change after all these years?

Though it wasn't just the way she looked that made her breathtaking-it was the way she was standing, the way her hand was on her hip. She just pulsed power around her like an electric wire. For a moment I was lost in thought, taking in some of her core power, seeing it in her soul. I was actually looking into her soul. It was dark in there, very dark, a place for hiding no doubt, but at the very end of the swirls of black cloud was a faint light, so faint you wouldn't see it unless you knew what you were looking for. I did. I knew Claire was a wonderful creature, the best this world has seen. And it was in that light that I sensed her true power, the power of life and death. It revealed her strength, her raw strength that she proved time and time again. Yet there was a soft gold in the middle of it all, showing her tender heart caught in the middle of all the lies, death, and misfortune. It showed all of her hard times she had been through, the ones she had lived through…and ones thing she wasn't strong enough to handle.

It was all there, clear as day, every aspect of her life, laid out for me to see. I didn't have memories, but I had the feelings of Claire in my grasp. She was a special soul, a kind person who was trapped in evil, fighting her own nature desperately. She didn't want to be a monster.

I sharp stab hit my consciousness, and I realized it came from Claire. I was shoved out of her soul, out of her world, and brought right back into mine. I had no right to do that, I knew, but something about her drew me to her. Claire had pushed me out. I could sense that she felt uncomfortable about me being in her head, a place where she even hated, and she didn't meant o cause me pain. It was just a knee jerk reaction.

So much knowledge I had gained from just one minute inside her head. I felt light on my feet. Here I was, standing in front of my mom and all I could think about was her head. _Say something, Jon!_ But what could I say? 'Hi, I'm your son. I don't believe we've met', then give her my hand to shake? That seemed a little formal, non the less stupid. My first words to her had to mean something; they had to show that I knew who she was and that I loved her.

What if she didn't love me? Do moms have to love their children? Not exactly. I've seen stories on the news where moms kill their own children. Would she hate me? Resent me? Want me to die for killing her? Just one little child was able to take down the great Claire Emerson. Would she be angry about it? I thought back to how much her scent was around the neighborhood. Has she been watching me? Does she know of all the things I've done? All those girls? God, she must be ashamed of me! What about my fight with Jason? Me cheating on Amber? She must know everything if she was thee to save my life not once, but twice! She knew me before I even knew her, and I bet she wishes I was never born. I'm such an idiot. _Stupid stupid stupid! _

She wasn't smiling, but merely looking at me with this expression that I recognized as some sort of pain.

I took small steps towards her, praying that she wouldn't run again. At some point a few minutes later of careful steps, I was close enough to taste her scent, to feel the charge of her skin. I didn't even realize how much I towered over her. I reached out and caressed her cheek, making sure she was real. There was a small spark when I touched her, making me jump, but I didn't pull away. I felt her face, her hair, sniffed around her, familiarizing myself to her. It felt so right. I had no right to touch her of course, much less look at her, but she was so beautiful, and she was my mother. I knew it in the bottom of my heart.

I took a step back, hesitant; when she still didn't smile, or even recognize that she knew me. She just kept that blank, pain filled stair.

"Mom?" my voice was small, like she was Goliath and I was little David with the sling shot.

Her smile sent a wave of warmth through my body, coursing though my veins. She breathed and closed her eyes. When she opened them up, she started to laugh like a young child who had just discovered friends. She threw her arms in the air, then around my neck.

"Oh, Jonathan, my son." Another bubble of giggles from Claire, the most beautiful woman in the world.

_My son_, the words I have wanted to hear for so long. I never wanted this moment to end.


	29. Chapter 27: Remember Me

27. Remember Me

For a moment we just stood there like that, hugging. I didn't know how long that was going to last, and I wanted it to be forever, but I knew something was going to have to stop us. Right then I just let the worry slide from my mind, letting nothing ruin my joy. I didn't think, I just felt.

What did I feel like, you ask? I felt like a little child, hugging a tall parent, trying to measure up to them in even the slightest way. I felt like I was one year old (I was like five in human brain stuff by then), no totally knowing what was going on, still wrapped up in peace. It felt like I never killed my mom. I pictured all those years she would have been there, kissing me goodnight, taking me to school with her, laughing with me, playing games with me, spending time with me. All those fake memories sprang up on me like they were real, and for a moment I believed they were. I could remember everything my family had told me about Claire, how she smelled, or what she was like, and now that I was actually holding her in my arms, it felt like my whole world just fell apart, and brought itself back together in a more wonderful way.

Much too soon, I felt Claire's arms loosen from mine. She staggered back a few steps, much to my surprise since she was a graceful vampire. She shook her head, as if to clear it, then looked up and beamed at me, her smile making the sun look like a black hole. I stood there, staring at her beauty, feeling extremely insignificant.

"Mom?"

She smiled again, just like that one word made her day all over again. "Hmmm?"

I opened my mouth, trying to frame a question, but I had no idea how to phrase it. She seemed to get what I was trying to say, because her shoulders sagged, her eyes dropped from mine, showing shame. I wanted to pull her chin up, but I kept my hands at my side, thinking that if I touched her, I would only make it worse.

Claire looked up at me, showing years of wear and tear, showing the pain that she had hidden well in her eyes, but the pain that was now resurfacing. My mom looked like her true age, over thousands of years old. She just seemed so weak at the moment, so helpless.

She looked away, not meeting my eyes. The moment of happiness we had shared before seemed sucked away by the tension. "Jonathan, you have to understand-" she stopped, sucking in a breath, a sharp, and pain filled sound. She took a deep breath, much calmer this time, and started again. "Months before I had you, Alice came to me with a vision she just had after the confrontation between Jason, before I knew that it was Cody." I thought to the stories. Cody had wanted to get rid of me in Jason's body. She looked at me, and then started after she saw me nod; knowing I knew what she was talking about. "She told me that you weren't going to make it. Cody's power was going to slip somehow, and my body changing back into a vampire would kill you. I was devastated.

"But I didn't stop. I changed my plans. I knew Alice's vision would change with me, so I had to do something. I changed my mind, going to give up in the birthing process, and give my life energy to you, using the last of my gift. She told me you were going to live, but the next day she came back with more grave news. She said the Volturi were going to kill you when you turned three. And I couldn't live with that. I thought of another idea, that I had no idea how I was going to pull off. I changed my mind again, saying that if I died for you, then came back to life maybe you would live. Alice came to me again, smiling. I knew I had hit the mark. She told me that you would have problems with Cody in the end, and I knew either way we would. Cody's not the type to give up easily. The only problem was I had no idea how to achieve the only way to make you survive." Claire shivered in sync with me. I was not ignorant; I knew where this was going.

She gave me a what-could-I-do shrug. "I finally went to ask Cody, seeing no other solution. He was smug as always, playing games with me, but he finally agreed to do it. He didn't like the idea of me dying for a "creature" like you, but I shot him a look, and he dropped it. He's so whipped sometimes." Claire gave a small smile. She looked around. "Come. Sit with me." She bent down and rested on a log big enough to hold both of us. She rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. Her head fit perfectly, as I knew it would.

"Where was I? Oh yes: Cody. So we made our plans, finding ways to outsmart the Volturi, which is easier than some may think. We had to make sure they couldn't get a hand on you until I was able to show myself, and there was no way I was going to leave you unprotected from them, just running around, but I'll get to that in a second. I told Angel, knowing I would need her help, but there was no way she could keep it from Syd for decades, so I had to let her in on it too. Then Edward, but no one else. Only those three have known for these thirty-four years. Not a soul could know that I was alive, because if they did, they would come see you, and then the Volturi would come investigate, and wind up killing you. But I wasn't just going to run around like a fool, when I could-" she gulped "-join them and make you stayed out of their minds. I had to make sure that you stayed out of their minds, and the only way I could do that without being followed, was to join them.

"I was top rank around them; they knew my superiority. I was with them for years, making sure they never wanted to visit the Cullens or my old family-"

"I thought you said that no other soul could know?" I asked her, not completely understanding the story.

"They were the only ones who never heard of my death-I planned it that way. We kept it a secret over there in Europe, making sure my death didn't spread. They thought I just left my family and finally came back to my "home"." She barked a laugh. "Like they could ever be my home. So I lived with them, knowing I was safe for a few years, as safe as I could be, but you were always on my mind Jonathan. Thank God I learned how to black my mind from Aro or he would already know about you. I knew I didn't have long with them before word spread around that you were alive, but not a peep was made. No one mentioned the Cullens around the Volturi-it was like you guys were completely off their radar. I was overjoyed that my plan had worked."

"Cody came to me a few years after that, asking me to make a will for him to give them. He said it would be more final if I wrote them a letter and it would give me another chance to communicate with them. I took the pencil and started writing sloppy, as if to make it look like I wrote it when Jason first hit me. I wrote the letter perfectly, until I remembered long after I gave it to Cody that I made a tiny flaw. You see I put the little detail about Jane killing Jason's father in there, and that didn't happen until _after_ he hurt me. I didn't realize what I did, but on the day Cody gave it to you, I appeared to for the first time to you guys, but you couldn't see me. I had to make sure that none of you figured it out. Once I was sure nothing had happened or was going to happen, I had Angel transport me out of there."

It came to my mind then, the memory that seemed like a lifetime ago. I saw that morning when I met Cody for the first time in my life. He came in and gave us her will. I remember hearing a distinct _crack_ knowing it must have been Angel had gone somewhere. It wasn't until the second _crack_ that I figured out she was still there. All along it was her. She was coming in and out, checking on us, making sure her secret was safe. She had been only _feet_ from us, and I never realized it. Everything was starting to click together here. Pieces that I didn't even know were missing were found and put in the puzzle that just might be completed tonight.

"Angel rushed out to meet me, telling her of the flaw I already knew about. She reassured my fears that no one figured it out. I told her to just keep the secret a little bit longer, because it wasn't time yet."

I remembered crashing in on Angel and the unfamiliar voice.

_"Angel, just do it!"_ then another crack, showing that Claire had left. I showed myself then. Angel whirled to face me, anguish and fear on her face as she saw me there. Then she relaxed, saying "Good, it's only you". I had no idea what it meant then, but now I do. I had never heard Claire's voice before, so I wouldn't be able to recognize it, and Angel knew that. That's why she said what she did. Another puzzle piece found.

I nodded.

"I returned to Italy after that for a short amount of time." She began again. "It wasn't exactly the same after that. I became distracted, always thinking of you guys-not that I wasn't before, but…oh how do I put this?" the last part seemed to be to her. "Its like a guy who quit smoking for a few years-the temptation was there, but he didn't feel the need to smoke, but once he even had just a tiny taste, he wanted more and more and he couldn't stop."

"So am I the cigarette?" I teased.

She smiled wryly. "Like I said, you guys were constantly floating through my brain. It wasn't long until I had to see you guys again. I left Italy, telling no one, and ran back here. I came to one of your basketball games, but I knew something wasn't right. I saw the way Jason was looking at you; I saw the way you sort of looked like you were in some kind of pain." Claire shook her head. "You have the same mask I do, and you're great at it, but I can see through it. Others may not, but I know the same pain you've been harboring. _Murder_ isn't something you can carry easily, but I'll get to that in a minute. Where was I? Okay, so I went to the game and saw you guys. I never meant for you to see me, but you did. Then you did something really weird. You blinked then shook you head, and continued with the game. I looked down at my hands and saw that they weren't mine. I had a new body, a new face, voice, eyes, a new everything.

"I didn't understand what had happened until the next day. I went to the house and saw Jason, but your scent was gone, it had been for a while now. I stayed for a bit, and then ran towards La Push. I never meant for Jacob or the rest of the pack to see me, but there was a boy I couldn't let die, and they saw me save him. They about attacked me until I somehow convinced them I was Claire. Jacob was astonished and I had to tell him everything. Before I left I got a good look at someone from the wolf pack. I talked to Sam about certain things, and then I made my conclusion from another Pryor-Wolf. Jonathan, you're more powerful than you realize."

She looked around, almost as if afraid to be heard.

"You have gifts people can only dream of. You're power is so immense that it took this long for it to reveal itself because you had no way to control it. When you got really mad and felt your body trying to phase, did you feel like you were trying to go in different directions?"

How did she know this! I simply nodded, unable to speak.

"And when you finally did phase, were you concentrating on one specific animal?"

"Yes."

She smiled. "I like being right. Look, I don't have enough time to explain it all now, but you have to know this if nothing else. _You did not kill me._ You have no murder on your shoulders. Jonathan, I died willingly to save you and Jason, knowing someday I would be with you again. I wanted Jason to tell you about me and I wanted to you remember me as someone who wanted to die for you. I needed you to know me so that when I came back, you would know a bit about me." She checked behind her frantically. I searched too, looking for the thing that made her jumpy, that frightened her. "I'll be back, Jonathan, don't tell anyone yet. It's our little secret." She winked at me, kissed my cheek, waved, then was gone behind the trees.

Did all this really just happen?

* * *

Jason Greenfield didn't know what to expect when he followed Jonathan through the woods. He'd seen his face in that hall; he was determined. His eyes locked with something Jason was unable to locate, then took off, shoving everyone out of his way in a hurry. Jason knew that kind of passion; it was something Claire had shown him everyday. Jonathan was more like her everyday, now that he thought of it.

He helped Syd and Angel up without a word, and then he went to open to door.

"Jason, no!" Angel tried to drag him back. He gave her a look of desperation. He lost his wife; he made his son leave him to live on his own. He was not about to let Jonathan go out there alone, especially in that state.

He shook her off gently and set off for his son. He followed his scent, trying to figure out what made him follow this unfamiliar path. He noticed a scent that made him stop in his tracks. Was he going mad? He knew this scent anywhere, human or not. It was the sweetest smell he had ever experienced. He sprinted again, with a different goal. This time he was off to find the two most important people in his world.

Jason entered a small clearing, his eyes searching the place. The scent had ended here. He looked up and found Jonathan, standing alone; looking lost, yet somehow found in a way. They turned toward each other. Jason knew that look on his face anywhere. He twisted around, looking for her, feeling another kind of desperation.

"_Claire!_"


	30. Chapter 28: All lies

28. All lies

"_Claire!"_

I had to cover my ears to keep them from popping. This scream made my knees week, made my head ache, my heart hurt. It was the howl of a man's devotion, of his loss and rebirth, then having it all taken away again. Normally this kind of yell would make me sink to my knees in guilt, because for my whole life up until a few hours ago, I believed that I was the reason Claire was dead. Now that was still true, but she chose to die, she could have lived if she wanted to, but she died for _me_.

A strange feeling entered my heart then. Jason would die for me, I knew that. He knew me from the moment I was born and was willing to die to save me. Claire never knew me. She was my mother while I was in the womb, but she had no idea who I was. And she gave her life for mine, for a life so screwed up. I felt a new joy in my soul, like I had something to live for, other than Amber of course, but right now she was probably plotting my demise.

The guilt may be gone, but the agony in my father's voice was almost too much to bear. Somehow, however, I was able to stay on my feet, but I was shaking by the time he was finished.

Soft sobs came from his lips. He was mumbling to himself, words I couldn't even hear, but each one was ragged, like it took a lot of effort just to make any sound at all.

I took a step towards him.

He rushed up to me in the blink of an eye, faster than that really, and gripped my shoulders. He had a look of longing, determination, hope, and most of all, love. "Where is she?"

I had no idea how to answer. Claire not to tell anybody yet, that it was our little secret, but I knew Jason could smell her like I could. He knew her scent better than I did anyway. How was I going to lie to him? He could hide nothing, which means if he knows I'm lying, then ill know that he knows. Would that help? Probably not, I decided.

So when in doubt, play dumb. "Where is who?"

"Claire!"

"Under her grave at the cemetery, where she's been for the last thirty-four years, in case you forgot that you're looking at the one who killed her." I said it in a cold, grave voice, putting my best mask on. I was a master at deception, something I got from Claire I guessed. If Claire could fool him, so could I.

My plan worked for the moment. He was thrown off guard by the guilt I was now faking, and his face had grown sympathetic. "Jonathan, we've been over this. It's not your fault!" he looked at the ground, as if he remembered by the sentence why he was even here. "She's _alive_, Jonathan, and you've seen her! Please tell me where she went." His eyes begged me with his words.

Ever since I was a little kid, Jason never begged me to do anything. Yeah he might have asked me over and over to eat this or try that, but it was never the begging that he was doing now. It had an odd look of pain, but that pain was elated with joy. Jason believed that Claire was alive. And somehow I had to crush that dream.

I shook his hands off of me, giving him the coldest, most hateful stare I could ever give him. I felt my veins become ice and my spine shivered. I spat at his feet_._

Listen, _Claire is dead_. She's not coming back, not now, not ever. I don't what you think you saw or smelled, but it wasn't her. You need to get over your obsession with her and move on. You're pathetic, dad. You don't know what to do without her. Weakened by what you feel for a dead girl. Get on with your life, and stay out of mine. You never cared anyway."

Jason staggered a few steps back, not really sure what just happened. "What?"

"I'm saying that you are a worthless twit. Good for nothing but standing around. I don't know how Claire could love a fool like you. You don't care for me, so quit pretending. You know you hate me because I killed Claire. Yeah, well, whoop-de-doo. Claire was a whore, a girl who used guys, and she used you. She was only going to stay as long as you were useful to her. Then she was going to leave your sorry butt on the road. You were nothing but a game to her. You're nothing but a game to me. You're right, I'm more like Claire than I thought. Thanks." I sneered and put on a cold smile, showing him how much it didn't hurt, when really my heart was on fire inside.

"Jonathan stop." He pleaded.

"Wait I have more-"

"ENOUGH!" Jason bellowed. "You think it's not hard to live with _you_? All your complaining, all the girls you never cared about, the people you hung with, and now you decided to toy with Amber. You think its easy to just watch you do that? The way you treat everyone of us like were your floor boards? I don't know if you've noticed, but it _hurts_ us to see you treat others and us like that. But no all you care about is yourself and who you're going to sleep with tonight. If anyone is the worthless twit around here, its you!" Jason was breathing hard from all the yelling. He stood there, arms quivering, his eyes blazing.

I opened my mouth but he hit me to it.

"And you are right, Jonathan. You killed Claire. Its all your fault that the one I love is dead. Its all your fault that she had to go through all that pain during birth, all that suffering. If it weren't for you she would still be alive, but you didn't care about her life either. You just threw it away like trash. What if people treated you like trash, Jonathan? Claire's death is your entire fault. How is it to have murder on your shoulders? I blame you entirely for that one. You were right about another thing, Jonathan. _I hate you._ I hate you and everything you've done. Each breath you take is a waste. You'd be better off dead."

I gulped. I think what hurt most about this conversation is that I was lying. I only said those words so he would leave me alone for a while so that he wouldn't be able to know Claire is alive. He would tell the others to say away and her secret-our secret-would be safe. I didn't expect Jason to say all of that to me. Was I really better off dead? Did he mean this or was he really that angry? From the look on his face it showed me that he meant it.

I fought hard to keep the hot tears forming in my eyes from spilling over into my cheeks. "Its good to finally hear you admit it."

So much pain. I've never felt pain like this. When I left Jason the first time, it was just because he was angry. Now he actually meant it. I finally pushed him too far, and now he rejected me.

But he rejected me a long time ago-he said that. He hated me from the day I was born. Every time he told me he loved me, it was a lie. Every time he held me or hugged me, it was a lie, every smile, another lie. So many lies I couldn't believe that I didn't catch them all.

Remember in the beginning where I said I would feel sorry for you if you're the reason someone is dead? I'm gonna add another thing to that list. I feel sorry for you if someone truly hates you. The pain is unimaginable.

Jason hates me, that all clear now. I knew it all along, but for it to be brought out like this…it makes me feel worthless. According to Jason I am.

Jason was breathing heavily. He just nodded curtly. I searched his eyes, hoping there was some sign that he was lying. There wasn't.

"Go to hell, Jonathan, the place you actually belong to."

I turned away from him, biting my lip. It wasn't until I started running that I let myself cry.

_**Reviews are love (:**_


	31. Chapter 29: I love you

29. I love you

I sat down on a rock, just watching the waves about an hour ago. I came here after running away from everything. I couldn't handle it. I wasn't strong enough. Amber hated me, Jason hated me…were those the only two people who hated me? They seemed like my whole life. How had I screwed up so much?

The ocean waters hit the cliff, spraying little droplets of water, giving me a breeze of salty air. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself. My arms were shaking, my mind was spinning, and tears still poured down my face.

This was the first time I actually broke down. I put up this big front-acting all big and bad, using girls, doing what I wanted, when I wanted, acting like I had no care in the world and nothing was going to stop me. But this past hour, it cracked me. The wall I had up fell down with a crash, leaving me with the flooding pain and memories of what I had done…to everyone. I couldn't do this, the guilt was too immense. I was such a jerk, no doubt about it. I was everything Jason called me. I became someone I never really wanted to be, but I enjoyed the ride while it lasted. The ride was over and now I was left with the torment I caused people.

How many girls had I destroyed? How many lives were in despair because of me? How many hearts did I crush? How many tears were spilled because of my foolish actions? How much suffering have I caused? How much wrong have I done? The answers…they were too hard and they just made me cry more because I knew that it was my entire fault.

I put my head into my hands, trying to hold back the tears, but they just kept coming. I would have to run out sometime wouldn't I?

Images of suicide flashed through my head.

I could do it couldn't? I wasn't like a vampire, I was stronger, but with that I had more weaknesses. I just had to set my heart on fire right? Easy enough. I just need some matches and gasoline. I would have to do it where no one would find me, where no one could stop me. It would have to be alone. I have to do it now. No goodbyes or else they would stop me.

I stood up, embracing it all. There was no other choice, none that I could see. Death seemed like an easy solution, a way to escape all this suffering in me. I had to do it. I wanted to do it. I smiled that all this would be over soon enough.

"Jason won't have to hate me anymore." I said to myself with a wry smile. Good for him.

I stepped away from the shore, not even thinking that this would be the last time I would see the ocean, let alone water. I couldn't be anywhere near it. I couldn't be tempted. Not just that of course. If anyone found me near a body of water, they could easily put the fire out. I couldn't chance that.

* * *

The barn was isolated enough. Full of old wood and straw, it was abandoned years ago when some kids were murdered in here. It seemed like a fitting place. I wrinkled my nose-I could still smell the odor of decaying human bodies. I decided that it would do, not that I really cared what I died in. I just needed some place far away from people and a place where no one would think to check on or sneak in to.

I closed the door softly as I exited. The ground crunched as I stepped over the rocks. I went around the barn, tearing up any plants that were there for one hundred feet. I couldn't chance wind to blow the flames and catch a whole field on fire, then make it into town and destroy homes, maybe lives. I just wanted to kill myself, not more people with futures. I gathered in all the wood and plants, and then threw it in the barn. It would, however, make something nice to burn.

Looking at my handiwork, I stepped into the car I brought here, thankful that I left it out by the side of the road a good few miles away from the house. They couldn't know what I was up to, let alone that I was even there. I drove it over here only because I needed a way to carry all the wood and gasoline I was going to buy without looking suspicious.

I drove the car into town, not bothering with speed limits or stop signs. I was going to die in half an hour, the hell with road rules. I parked my car at the gas station, filled my car with gas, and then filled up an entire tank with a gallon of gas. I slid the container in the back of my car, and then paid. I repeated this same this throughout three cities. Really, I was going overboard with this. No one was going to look for a trail; no one was going to look for me period. And even if they were, it was going to be too late by the time they found me.

Lowe's was a little harder when it came to trying to find a way to get wood into my tiny car. I finally settled with "borrowing" one of their trucks, filling it with the gas containers and wood. I was out of there before they knew what hit them. I managed to even pick up a little tiny lighter on my way out. I didn't really need it, but I wanted to use it. I never have before. I never had a reason to anyway. Until now that is. They would find my car in the parking lot sooner or later.

I pulled down the road, forced to go eighty since the stupid truck wouldn't go any faster. Didn't matter, I told myself, I would be there soon enough. No one suspected anything of the teenager driving a truck full of wood. No one cared.

By the time I reached the barn, it was going on five o'clock. Being away from home wasn't anything weird for me. Sometimes I would be gone for weeks at a time. They won't start getting worried until a month has passed and I don't turn up at school. If they even care enough about me to worry.

I got out of the car. I grabbed the wood first, putting it all in my hands and throwing it in there. Next I grabbed the gasoline from the truck and put it in the barn. I arranged the wood just perfectly, making a spot for me to stand. I showered gasoline over the wood and then just sat, letting it soak in the wood. I wanted it all to burn. I wasn't going to take any chances for it to somehow stop burning because it was just eating the gas. I wanted it to eat the wood.

After five minutes I stood up and began to take my place in the wood.

_Jonathan?_

I froze in mid-stride. I shook my head and began walking again. It was just my imagination.

_Jonathan?_ Amber's voice brushed my mind, making me stop again.

_Amber._I sighed her name, thinking of her beautiful face. She would be better off without me. No more pain from this blonde haired kid.

_Jonathan?_ This question was more panicked in her mind as she went through my thoughts of the day. She finally hit the cord that showed what I was about to do. I didn't even fight her. Her presence in my mind was the last thing I was going to feel that was pleasant on this Earth. I memorized it, wanting it to last forever.

_I'm sorry,_ I told her.

_Jonathan!_

_I'm sorry, _I repeated.

_Jonathan! Tell me to my face! Don't do this!_

I didn't answer that time. I pulled myself from the conversation and stepped inside the arch I made. The smell of gasoline was making me gag. I stopped breathing. I didn't want the smell of gas to be the last thing I smelt. So instead I pictured Amber.

_Jonathan, please! Stop! For me!_

_I'm sorry,_ I said again. _I love you._

I lit the lighter, and watched the flame dance for a second, hungry for my death. I locked the spring, making the flame stay there.

_Jonathan! _I couldn't feel the anguish in her voice. I could almost picture the tears rolling down her face. _I love you, Jonathan._

I threw the lighter into the gasoline.


	32. Chapter 30: Wild Fire

30. Wild fire

The pain was…_unbearable_. That was the only word I could think of at that moment considering that I was on fire. Every flame engulfed me. I heard the crackling of my skin; I could smell my burning flash. I could see nothing but smoke. The most prominent thing I heard was my own screams. For the most part I tried to keep silent, but the pain was just too much. I let our scream after scream, begging for the pain to go away. But I chose my spot well-no one was coming to get me.

This is what it must feel like to change. I never felt the burning before, since I was born into this life, but I heard stories, pictured it, tried to relive it in my mind, but this was the real thing. Except instead of getting a new life of immortality, I was ending it, I didn't know where I would go once I died, but I didn't care right then and there. All I cared about was dying faster. The fire was too much, but I fought the temptation to run. Not that it would do any good anyway. Once this type of skin is on fire, it wasn't going off. My future was set in stone, about to end on a few minutes.

Why wouldn't the burning stop! I should be dead by now, but no, the flames refused to go at my heart, but instead lick at my feet and legs, crawl up my arms and my face. I could almost feel my skin melting right off my face, leaving nothing but bone. When would this hell end?

After another few seconds, or maybe minutes, or maybe hours for all I knew, the pain seemed to dull away. I could feel the fire still on me numbly, but it wasn't as harsh. Maybe I was finally dying. No, I decided, I could still feel my heart pumping just as fast as when I started. It's a third degree burn. Once you got past the nerves of the skin, you couldn't feel anymore. This was more I liked it.

My voice was hoarse from all the screaming, but I couldn't stop. There wasn't any pain coming _now_, but that doesn't mean I still couldn't feel the pain from _before_. I reached up with my charred hand to feel my hair, but when I touched it, it was just skin, think skin almost to the bone.

Wouldn't someone just put out the fire!

More screams, more endless seconds of agony. Surely I should be dead by now. Unless something went wrong? Could something go wrong? Did I get it wrong? Was I unable to die from fire? This would really suck if I got it wrong, but I knew I didn't. Jason told me everything, leaving nothing out, not even the gore or the details. "You have to die from fire in the heart," he said. Well I was dying of fire, but it wasn't reaching my heart yet. How much longer will I have to wait?

_"Jonathan!"_ I heard Amber scream about the noise. She was speaking in my head and out of her mouth. I could hear her over the roar of the fire, coming in through the front door. How she found me I had no idea, but I never thought I was going to hear her voice again. Now, I thought, I could die. This was what I needed.

The fire licked at my chest.

"Oh god, what do I do?" she said to herself. I almost laughed. She was here to save me, but she had no idea how. What I regretted now was seeing me die. She might blame herself that I killed myself. I have to burden that, but why should sweet, innocent Amber have to.

Regret for what I had done swept through me. I shouldn't have this, I knew that, but I thought it was for the best.

The fire ripped at my chest, tearing through any skin I had left. I felt my heart begin to boil, the blood bubbling as it ran through my body. It was like someone was blowing air through my tiny veins, making me expand. It _hurt_.

I screamed louder, begging the death to come quicker.

"No!" she yelled, desperation in her voice. I heard her knees drop to the ground. I could hear her starting to pull her hair out of her head. She took in a big gust of air, and screamed, _"STOP!"_ The air shook with her commanding voice…and everything went silent.

Everything _stopped_. The fire went out, dropping me to the ground. The smell of burning wood and smoke had disappeared, but the pain hadn't. It was like there was a fire here, but no trace of it other than the burning boy on the ground.

I let out a strangled moan, rolling to my side. When I slid onto my open skin I screamed again, almost as if the fire was still raging. It might as well have been with the pain on my skin.

But I was alive somehow. Amber had somehow stopped it, or some other power had. That was the only explanation. Amber was only a human after all. There was no way she could have stopped this fire, not to save her own life.

I coughed.

A cool hand touched my charred cheek. "Oh, Jonathan." Amber sighed.

I was able to open my eyes slowly. The first thing I saw was Amber's beautiful face, staring down into mine. She sighed in relief, clutching my shoulders. I couldn't even feel the pain anymore.

"I'm…" coughing "Sorry." My voice was craggy, sounding more like an old witch than I teenage boy.

"Shut up." She said. "I don't want to hear your apologies. You almost gave me a heart attack! How could you do that?"

"The…guilt." The pain was dulling some, my body healing itself. The werewolf in me I guessed. It was trying to repair the damage.

"Jonathan Greenfield having guilt? Don't make me laugh." She laughed anyway. Did she not understand? Could she not see that I was dying right there in front of her? Maybe she knew I was going to pull through. Well let her have her fun. I'd be out of town by morning if she kept this up.

"I love you." I wheezed. "I let you down." I felt like a caveman who couldn't think of better words. Well right now my mind was on fire, no pun intended. Excuse me for being a little incoherent.

Amber stopped laughing, and looked at me with this new expression. Her eyes blazed with intensity. She put her hands on my face and leaned down. Her lips touched mine lightly, but it started a spark that grew into a different kind of fire. I kissed her hungrily, my hands in her hair, on her back, on her waist. I wasn't trying to seduce her, I wasn't trying to show off, I was only trying to kiss her, to give her a real kiss. I needed her to know that I truly loved her, and that I was so sorry for all that I had done.

She smelled like peaches and coconut, a very enticing smell. She smelt like the first day I met her. He skin was soft and cool under my hands, utter perfection. Her hair was like silk, the curls wrapping around my fingers. I held her body closer to mine. She felt amazing. And this was what I was missing for the longest time. The other girls were nothing compared to her. She out showed them all. That wasn't just it either. I could experience something I've never felt before. Everywhere I touched her, our own fire blazed, spreading over our skin. She clutched for me too, feeling what I was feeling. It wasn't just some tiny spark it was our own little wild fire, eating everything that touched each other. Almost like…like soul mates or something.

It was at that moment I realized the fire burnt off all of my clothes. I was aware of all of her body on mine, the way she seemed to just fit perfectly. I didn't know if she realized that I was naked, maybe she didn't. I didn't want to make this perfect moment awkward. I had an excuse, but this was the first time she actually kissed me. I didn't want to ruin it.

I picture clothes on my body, not knowing how I was going to get them. I could bring it up, but I don't want Amber thinking I planned this or anything.

Amber put her hands on my chest, pulling me closer with my…shirt? I ran my arm over my side then on my knee. Sure enough I was wearing a shirt and jeans. There was no way they could have survive the fire. Honestly, I wasn't in the mood to question anything that helped me, so I just let it go.

Amber broke free from my lips, resting her forehead on mine. Her breathing was harsh, coming out in short gasps. She put her hands on my face again, making me look at her again. When I did, I could see a glow in her honey-chocolate eyes.

"I. Love. You." Amber breathed, keeping her eyes on mine. "Don't forget that, okay?"

I was still in shock. "What did you just say?" I tried to lean up, putting my hands underneath me for support. Amber just adjusted with me, staying on my lap; smile still wide on her face.

"I said that I'm in love with you, Jonathan Greenfield. I always have been. You can't escape me that easily." She titled her head as she said this, leaned in and pressed her lips to mine.

The wild fire raged.

I pulled back for a moment, just wanting to look at her face. I still had so many more questions.

"How long?" I asked her. I kept my hands on her waist, keeping her close. Her breath was in my face, making me dizzy.

"Since I met you." She admitted sheepishly. "It was almost like a little school girl crush. I just knew that I wanted you." She blushed.

"You had me from hello." I winked at her.

She laughed.

"Why did you wait until now to tell me?"

"You know why. I didn't believe you when you said that you loved me. Stephen told me that too. Look how that turned out. I wanted to see that you actually believed it and wanted to pursue me. I didn't expect you to go off and kill yourself because you screwed up. That's when it all clicked for me."

"How did you find me?"

"What is this? Twenty Questions?"

I looked at her.

"I don't even know. I just thought about you, and all of a sudden I knew where to go. Don't ask me. I'm just thankful I got here in time."

"Not a moment too soon." I agreed.

Amber stood up, shaking the ash off her jeans. She gave me a hand to help me up. "I should probably take you home."

A shiver went down my spine, making me hesitate. I look of horror must have been on my face, for Amber froze in mid-step, taking in my expression. "What?"

I shook my head. I couldn't let Amber know what happened. She would find out soon enough anyway with how he was going to treat me, but I don't think I could lie to her right now. Not after what she said to me.

"It's nothing." I whispered.

Before she had time to think about my response, I shot another question at her.

"Does anyone know what happened?" we walked out of the barn this time, leaving all of that behind. I stepped out of the door, smelling the cool air of the evening, reveling in it. I never thought I would see the sun again, or feel the air, or hear the sounds of birds in the sky, but now that I'm alive, I can see all the things that I took advantage of.

Amber drove here in her truck. She walked up to it, opened my door on the passenger side, and helped me in-I was still a little wobbly. She walked around the hood and then climbed into her side. She started the truck, the engine making a soft noise as she put the truck into reverse to turn around. She didn't speak until she was winding through the dirt road, heading out of the property.

"No." Amber said, her eyes on the road as she spoke. "I was too concerned about you to think to bring anyone else. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I didn't have time to explain it to anyone. I just came."

I looked in the rear view mirror, seeing smoke pour out of the cracks like water freeing from a dam. Seeing that horrible place sickened me, make me think of all the pain. I was pretty sure I just started a phobia for barns.

She pulled out onto a country road, slowed down by a tractor, and then was finally able to pass it when the flow of traffic form the other side stopped. Her human pace was killing. But I had no right to complain-I put her though enough to last her a lifetime.

I pulled down the flap on the ceiling so I could look at my face, but when I opened it, there was nothing there but safety directions for the front seat.

"You got a mirror?"

"In the glove compartment." She smiled. "All girls have mirrors in their cars."

I opened the glove compartment up-why did they call it a glove compartment anyway?-and sure enough there was a round mirror in there with a wooden handle. I picked it up carefully, seeing how old it was. It looked like it was made in two thousand, over forty years ago.

"My mother's," she explained. "She gave it to me to have when I was old enough to actually care about what I looked like in the morning."

I held it up to inspect my face. Black ash and smoke covered my face, making it hard to see any features. It made my eyes look even bluer, it that was possible.

"Napkins are in there too if you want to wipe off your face."

I grabbed some, spitted in them, and then wiped my face off. I couldn't get all of it off, but just enough to wear I could see my tan skin. I wiped off my arms and my neck, refusing to look at the skin just yet. I didn't want to see it. I knew it would be bad.

I threw the dirty napkins in the trash in her car. I took a deep breath, grabbed the mirror, and looked clearly at my face. My face was scarred pretty badly, making it look like some werewolf dragged its claws over my face, digging out clumps of skin in some places. Some of them were healing, making them almost invisible to see, but my cheeks and under my left eye, they were never going to heal. I could see how deep the wound was, how the skin had already healed too quickly, not letting the rest of the skin form. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. To a human it would look like a little scar here and there. To a vampire it would look like Jasper's arms a little bit, only a little worse.

I moved on down my arms, seeing the same kind of patterns on them as I did my face. These too weren't going to heal completely. The scars were all over my body as I checked-arms, legs, stomach, back, just everywhere. My perfect, smooth skin was going to be rougher, not as clean looking, but at least I had a face. I still looked beautiful like a vampire. Besides, chicks dig scars right?

"What do you think?" I asked her. I wanted her impression. If she thought I was not the same now, things were definitely going to change.

She turned her head, really looking this time. I put my hand on the wheel so she didn't swerve. She looked all over my face, my hands, my arms, taking all of it in.

She smiled as she spoke. "You look better. A little more rugged, but definitely still like you."

She turned her head back to the road as she pulled in the drive of my house. The turned the car off and played with the keys for a while.

"The scars will be more prominent in vampire eyes won't it?"

I nodded, feeling anxious. I just wanted this over with. I didn't even look to see if Jason's car was in the drive way as I got out.

Amber took my scarred hand and walked up with me into the house. I could hear voice inside, talking fast and lightly. They knew I was here; they were waiting for me to go hunting. I opened the door and stepped in with Amber close to my side.

All eyes looked at me.

All eyes did a double-take.


	33. Chapter 31: Broken

31. Broken

Burning, it was all burning. It was so hot. The flames, they hurt. How was I going to live? Who was going to save the child who had made a grave mistake? I screamed. My head hurt. Everything hurt. I was on fire. My skin was sizzling. The agony of it all-

Amber squeezed my hand; drawing me back to the world I was now in. that part was gone. The pain was gone. I had healed almost instantaneously. I didn't know if it was because I was a werewolf and a vampire, or something else completely. All I knew was that I was somehow alive, and I had to make up for this costly mistake.

I wiped my face, smearing sweat with the ash I couldn't get off. I winced as I scraped some open wounds, feeling the skin that was still raw.

I felt my legs tingle, the wear of the day on me. No, I hadn't healed completely. I only stayed strong for Amber's sake in those few moments. Now, in the comfort of my home, I was weak, I was tired, and I just wanted to collapse.

Amber looked at me, as well as others with some concern on their faces.

I smiled at her, trying to reassure her that I was fine. I took a step towards the couch, wanting the safety of a cushion, but as soon as I moved, my legs buckled underneath me. The last thing I felt was my head cracking against the wooden floor and then nothing…

I woke with a stiff neck. I kept my eyes closed; just flexing each of my muscles, trying to see if anything was hurt too badly. Besides how sore my body was or that my throat was dry, I felt better than I thought I would. My body was rested, my joints not hurting when I moved them, no cracking of skin as it should have been from being burned so severely.

I still couldn't bring myself to open my eyes, so instead I listened, tasted, and in a way felt with my sensitive nerves.

I was in my room-the smell of my cologne confirmed that. I was lying on my bed, my head on my softest pillow, and my body sprawled out on my stomach, like normal when I slept. There was some sunlight on my back, telling me my windows were open and it had to be around five o'clock, since my bedroom faced tat side of the sky. Above all I felt the warm body next to mine, heard the pumping of a heart, and the slow steady breathing of someone asleep. I knew it was Amber the moment I noticed her. Her smell of coconut was stronger than yesterday, a faint scent of ocean waters body wash that I kept in my shower, and the fact that her wet hair was touching my exposed shoulder let me know that not only had Amber taken a shower here, but she had spent the night as well. That made me smile.

The rest of the sounds I heard came from down the hallway, down the stairs and in the living room if my ears were correct. Someone was switching the channels every few seconds, someone was cleaning up the bathroom downstairs, someone was making dinner in the kitchen and others were just sitting in the living room, talking quietly amongst themselves. Everyone from my family was down there, including Jason-I could pick out his footsteps as he cleaned the house. This struck me as odd because Jason hated cleaning. I heard Carlisle's low, calm voice as she spoke to Angel about my condition, with words that were too confusing for me to understand, but she never asked questions so I assumed she knew what he meant. Cody Walls and Trevor were also in the living room, Trevor flipping through channels and Cody just sitting with Carlisle and saying something every now and then. I heard everyone talking to Carlisle but Syd so I was guessing that she was the one who was cooking, which didn't surprise me one bit. She told me she enjoyed cooking, even in her human life. Skylar was the only one silent, but I could pick out his breathing as easily as I could pick out Amber's.

I shifted in my bed, trying to move only so slightly so Amber wouldn't notice, but it was no use. Amber was the lightest sleeper I knew, though somehow she slept through a massive thunderstorm last week while I couldn't even attempt to doze off. Amber moved in the bed too, sliding over and sitting up slowly. I turned my head to look at her, still lying down.

Amber's bed head always made me stare. Not in a bad way of course, because she could pull it off. In fact I liked seeing her like this. Even when she didn't know I was there, I would watch her wake up and just smile as her hair was in a total mess. Curls were everywhere, on the wrong side, tangled with other strands, on just in her face so she had to constantly push them away. Her face was tired as she yawned, trying to give me a 'good morning' I think. She was wearing a pink tank top, not a cami, but a tank top that was loose, but on her it was quite fitting. The covers around her waist were tangled around her legs, showing me how much she tossed and turned in her sleep. She was wearing white soffe shorts with volleyballs decorating them.

I always thought she looked most beautiful when she woke up, hair not brushed, clothes wrinkled, and a sleepy smile.

"Good morning." She said, her voice thick with sleep. She raised her arms above her head, her tank top going with them, showing my some of her stomach. Bones cracked as she stretched.

I leaned up too, cracking my back, then neck, and my knuckles. Amber winced at the sound, like she was hearing fingernails on the chalkboard. I chuckled. I examined my arms and stomach. The same scars were everywhere, showing where the fire bit into my skin. The patterns were the same as yesterday, though a little more faded. The big gashes I saw didn't change as I knew they wouldn't. They would be there forever, the most noticeable of my scars that marked my mistake. All in all it wasn't too bad. Even the more prominent ones weren't as bad as the thought they would be. It was a little surprising that I was even this far healed in the first place.

I looked at Amber, who was trying to tame her wild hair. I grabbed her wrists, holding them together with just one hand.

"I like it that way." I winked at her. She blushed and turned her head, a smile dancing on her lips.

I swung my legs over the bed, stepping up and walking over to my closet. I heard Amber laugh, but when I turned to ask her, I already saw it. I guess Skylar thought it would be humorous to put on some SpongeBob Square pants boxers. Little did he know that I all but worshipped that little yellow sponge, so I gladly wore these with pride. At least Amber got a good laugh at them.

"How long have I been out?" I asked her, sifting through some pants, deciding to go with the ones that were clean and even good smelling. If Amber was going to be here all day, I was going to smell nice.

"Only a day. When you collapsed, you hit your head pretty hard, scaring the crap out of everyone in the room, especially from your scars and the burn marks, they probably thought I brought you to hell and back." She laughed without any humor. "They called Carlisle to check you out, while they drilled me for every fact I knew about what happened, which is needless to say that I didn't know too much. I just knew that you tried to kill yourself, not the reason why. Once Carlisle gave them the thumbs up, Skylar and Nick gave you a shower, and then laid you on the bed. You've been asleep ever since." She said, proud that she could remember all the facts. She smiled.

"Ahhh." I whispered. I opened the drawer for some clean shirts, making a mental note to do laundry later. Once I found a clean white t-shirt, I put it on, thankful that it didn't have any stains on it. "How long have you been here?"

"I never left."

I carefully hid my joy at that statement. Amber had stayed with me through the entire day of me sleeping. And she fell asleep beside me on my bed, which meant she had to have been close to me. She showered, which showed she had to have been comfortable here, and she either borrowed the shorts from Syd or she was already wearing them under her jeans when she picked me up at the barn yesterday.

"Hungry?" I asked her. I could smell the food from the kitchen, drifting its way up to us, calling for us to come and eat. It smelled like bacon and chocolate chip pancakes-a.k.a my favorite.

She nodded vigorously, hopping down from the bed and making her way towards the door. She grabbed her hand and dragged me with her, and I pretended like she actually was pulling me. We walked down the stairs, curious eyes looking up at us, particularly me, as we descended the steps. She squeezed my hand again as we left the last step and rounded the corner to the kitchen…and walked right into Jason.

Jason looked at Amber, no emotion at all. But when he glanced at me, I saw the trace of anger I saw yesterday. His eyes burned into mine; making me look away and take Amber with me down the hall, away from him. She didn't ask anything as I dragged her into the kitchen, trying to make the mood light again. She sat down on a stool, the table in front of her. She pulled some foot on her plate, which I handed her, and began to pour syrup over her eggs and pancakes. She took a bite hungrily as I watched her eat, slowly swallowing the few bites I had taken. Once she was done I grabbed her plate, putting it in the dishwasher, and then helped Syd clean up. I didn't want to walk out there and face the people that wanted to know the whole story. It was hard enough to stand next to Syd, who could read my thoughts, and not say a word to her. How was I going to be able to face my whole family? How was I going to face Jason? Surely he would think I was weak, a coward and just scoff at me.

Amber noticed how tense I was, kissed me on the cheek and put her arm around my waist. I placed mine around her shoulders, knowing I didn't deserve her love, but thankful that I had it right now. I walked out of the kitchen, Syd following as we entered the living room together. Everyone watched as we sat down. The conversations stopped, Trevor quit changing the channels, and the whole focus of the room was on us. Except for Jason, who was staring out the window, looking like he could care less about what I was going to say.

The story wasn't an easy one to tell, since I couldn't explain the whole reason to everyone. I didn't want to tell them about my fight with Jason, though they would probably end up learning soon enough. I couldn't tell them about Claire or anything of that stuff. So I just focused on what happened in the hallway. I explained what happened for my family that wasn't there, what the girls said, and how that started all of this. I clearly told Amber that none of it was true, and I hadn't slept with a girl for weeks. Though she knew I cheated on her, since we've been dating longer than that, she still seemed proud of me that I admitted it. I had nothing to hide from her anymore. That was my past. She was my future. Once I got over the first part, the easy stuff, making sure they knew that I was telling the truth, I pretty much lied through my teeth. I was thanking God that I was given Claire's ability to lie.

"I was really upset about what Brooke said, what both of them were implying. I knew Amber would believe them because she knows that it was the old me. She would just assume. I couldn't take that." It was a stretch, I knew that. How would that be the reason that I tried to kill myself? It wasn't even traumatizing. I had to think of something else.

"Then everything sort of came down on me." Good job, tell some of the truth. Keep it up. "I broke down with all the guilt I had. Claire's death-"I was careful to not make a false note when I spoke her name-"And then with what happened with Amber and I just couldn't take it anymore." I looked away from any eyes that were trying to get more information from me.

"You did it all alone?" Angel asked, confused on something.

"Until Amber came and got me." I smiled at her. Amber returned the smile.

"Jason didn't find you? He went looking for you once you left in a hurry."

I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't tell her the truth could I? Why couldn't? I knew the answer. I was ashamed about the thing I have claimed since I was around ten. I always knew Jason hated me, but I never heard him say it. Now I was right and it sucked.

"Yeah he found me." I was sure they could hear the reluctance in my voice. I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. He was staring at me, his eyes hard. His smile was cold.

"What, Jon? You don't want to tell them about our conversation?" he didn't give me a chance to answer. He told them all what I said, not telling them a word about why I was there in the forest in the first place. He explained my anger and frustration and how it caused him to say certain things in return. "I just told him the truth is all." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Which was?" Amber asked. I could tell she was pissed from her expression.

"That I hate him. He's a spoiled brat who cares about no one but himself and it is his fault Claire is dead. I wish Cody would have killed him when he had the chance."

The silence that filled the room was louder than anything. Everyone was staring at Jason this time, all faces having the same expression on them: disbelief. I could almost hear the _click_ in their minds as I put it all together. Right now I was the victim, and Jason was the killer. From the argument that was going on right now I could tell they were angry, seeing this as the reason I almost killed myself. They didn't pay Amber or me any attention. Or even ask how Amber knew where to find me or how she stopped the fire.

_I know Claire's alive, Syd. I had to lie to Jason. That's why I shouted at him like that. I didn't know he was going to take it that far. But I know, okay? _I thought towards Syd, whose head snapped my way. She gave me a look, and then turned to Angel, who gave me the same expression. She nodded to me, like I was in some secret group now.

Once they stopped fighting I saw Jason give me one last glare, and then slammed the door. Though they lived with him so much longer, I knew him better. I knew that he would go to Claire's grave and cry. He just didn't know that he was talking to an empty grave while his love was alive and walking. I knew he wouldn't come home for a few days. I knew he would cry like a fool.

I knew he wouldn't stop hating the son he tore apart.


	34. Chapter 32: Lock Down

32. Lock Down

Amber stayed the night again.

After Jason left it went pretty silent. The only sound was Amber's heart, pounding against her chest. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was my entire fault. Not like before when I wanted to die, but like I just knew I failed a test because I didn't study for it. I knew all the events in my life were caused because of me. It was my fault that Jason hated me, that Amber didn't trust me, that Claire was dead (but alive), that I was an outcast from my family, never really fitting in, and a disappointment to everyone around me. My entire fault. I knew this, and I could accept it. I can't change it, but that doesn't mean I can't do it differently next time.

Once we got over what just happened, everyone did everything to get Jason off my mind. We talked a bit, but it seemed like in every conversation, they were trying too hard not to mention his name. In every conversation he was in some part of the story, because he was in so many parts of our lives. He took care of us, though we didn't, but he took Claire's role perfectly, until not that is.

Carlisle treated some more of my wounds later on in the evening. He didn't speak much, just asking if anything was tense, sore, or painful. He took some blood samples, still fascinated with my blood, and then tested my reflexives, seeing if any my nerves were damaged in the fire. Once I kicked him in the gut when he tapped my knee, he decided that I was good enough, with a wry smile I might add, then let me go after giving me some strong medication that would most likely burn up in the few seconds it entered my venomous blood-stream.

I went straight to the bathroom after my little "doctor visit". I looked in the mirror once again, not really understanding that this was my new face. The scars healed more this time, only showing faint zig zagged lines over every inch of my face. Instead of my skin being a light tan, more pale than anything, my skin was browner, like I just got out of the tanning bed after I was in there for half an hour. It wasn't a drastic change of course, nothing that couldn't be solved in school with a little lie, but I wasn't sure if it was going to stay this way or if it would gradually fade away. My hair was still cropped short, not as thin as a buzz cut, but thin enough to wear there wasn't even a hint of curls at the edges. I didn't particularly like my hair, but I knew it would grow back. It grew back after that time Angel gave me a hair cut-a really really bad hair cut-and I looked fine after a few weeks.

It was sad that I had to live with my scars for the rest of my life. Once they healed completely, Carlisle told me that my face would always look like this. Of course I still looked fine. I just had some gashes in my cheek with dark, hidden lines on my face. It was surprising to me that when I touched my face or my arms, that my skin was still smooth. Not silk like before, but enough to a human that they wouldn't be able to notice the difference. I was still me.

But that wasn't enough for the rest of my family. Even though they tried to hide it, I kept finding them stealing glances at me, nonchalantly following me through the house all day, not letting me go anywhere alone. They would constantly ask me things, thing I had already answered or that Amber had already said, but they wanted more details once the truth about Jason came out. It was hard but if I made a face or seemed to go distant, they changed the subject quickly. Then another hour later they would ask me the same question. I answered them less weary than I did the last time. I always did. Once they probed every answer I could give them out of me, they let the Jason subject slide. If something happened to remind them or me about him, they changed the subject and began talking about things that I liked. Which that ended quickly because everything I used to like, I did with Jason. What a life huh?

That was pretty much my whole day. Once it was a reasonable time to go to bed, I went upstairs, skipped the bathroom-I didn't want to see me face anymore-and went straight to my room. I slipped off my shirt and pants, switched my boxers and sat down at my book shelf full of old year books, books I read all the time, and books I never thought about reading. I took my finger over the bindings, reading the titles until I found the one I was looking for. I pulled it from the shelf and twisted the yearbook in my hands.

The book was plain and simple, a red and gray color dating the year of two-thousand-fifteen. That year I was with my family at Southeastern High School. I was around five years old at that point, still happy with my family, hurt from killing my mother. I didn't date girls; I never accused anyone of anything or even said one bad thing to someone. I was innocent that year as the same was for five more years, but once I was ten, it all changed.

I opened the cover and flipped past a few pages, recalling some of the people I saw. There was a girl named Jenna who liked me in my junior class, but I didn't really notice girls back then. I could tell she was pretty and as I remembered her I remembered every time she flirted with me, but stopped once she realized I wasn't interested in flirting back. I turned the page again until I saw my brothers and I. That year they all played basketball with me, mostly because I asked them too. There they were, standing by my side, not smiling with the rest of the team. On the next page was the goofy photo. It seemed they all planned it because every one of them ganged up on me. Skylar had me in a head lock; Nick had my right leg while Ben took my left. Jason hopped up over my shoulder at just the right time, his hand on my chest, sticking his tongue out at the camera.

This was my favorite picture of all of us.

I didn't remember the names of the other boys on the team, but they never really mattered anyway. All that matter was the fact that my family was once whole, strong, and loving.

Then I screwed it up.

"What are you reading?"

I jumped at the sound of Amber's voice as she silently stepping into my room. I hadn't heard her come up the stairs or even walk down the hallway. How she dodged all the loose floorboards I had no idea, but Amber pretty surprised me every second of the day by still being at my house.

"Just going through an old yearbook." I returned my eyes unwillingly from Amber's face and to the yearbook. I looked at my face, perfect, unscarred, happy and full of joy of life. I liked my life back then, even once said I had the best family in the world. I once liked coming to school just to spend time with my family with things I could actually do with them that seemed normal to me. That blonde haired boy standing in the middle of his brothers didn't exist anymore though. He was long gone and so were the brothers around him.

I would do anything to take it all back. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted to start with the day I finally turned and just went on from there. Nothing would have changed except the way I viewed the world and those in it. I would still be with Amber and she would probably trust me more if I was the old me. I just wish I had a way to take it all back. Even if I couldn't I wish there was a chance we all could just start over. Fat chance, I know, but a boy can dream cant he?

Amber sat down next to me-it took all my will not to touch her-and peered over my shoulder to see the yearbook. I handed it to her, making it easier on her eyes. She took it gratefully and began to look at the page I've been staring at for ten minutes. She looked at it for a moment, and then traced my old face with her index finger.

"Where is this?" she asked, handing me the book back.

I slid in back in its right spot, in the right year, and looked at her. "Southeastern."

She snorted. "Wow."

"What?" I pretended to look offended.

"Only nerds go there." She smiled as she teased me.

"I was a nerd back then. I was a lot of things back then too. I like that kid in the picture better than I do now." I looked away from her at the end, trying not to meet her eyes I knew was staring at my face.

"Well I kind of like this kid sitting next to me. I think I might have a crush on him." She put her arms around my shoulders, sort of throwing herself on top of me. I held her on my back until she slid off. Then I grabbed her by the legs like she was two years old and just let her hang there.

I can't really say what happened at that moment. All I know is that something changed in me. Looking into to Amber's face as she laughed at something I was doing, the way she was breathless when I put her down on my bed, I finally found that piece of my old self that the boy in the yearbook had, and then I put it back into my heart. As she leaned into kiss me, I felt like my world was in place again, like nothing at all was wrong.

Every part of me, myself and I was in love with Amber Bay. Not just my heart, not just my body or my mind, but I felt like my soul was connected to her as well. And it felt _good._

_

* * *

_

Amber changed into her Pj's a few minutes later, still laughing. I waited on my bed until it finally clicked that Amber was going to stay here again tonight…in my room…with me. I quickly made arrangements in my head on how this was going to go.

I bolted to my closet and snagged my old sleeping bag from the top shelf. I wasn't planning on sleeping, but I thought I might as well look the part. I took and extra pillow from the side of my bed and threw it on the floor while I laid out the sleeping bag. I took more blankets and set them beside the bed if Amber got cold in the night. I laid down on my make shift bed and was staring at my ceiling when Amber came in.

She walked in, but stopped short at my door as she saw me spread out on my floor. She laughed a little bit. "What in the world are you doing?"

I closed my eyes real tight. "About to get some shut eye, now keep your voice down will you?" I smiled, my eyes still shut.

"Seriously, what are you doing?" she stepped over to the sleeping bag and sat down next to me.

I opened my eyes to look at her. Her hair was in a messy bun, her honey-chocolate eyes staring down at me. Her face was a little pinker from washing her already flawless face, taking off what little or any makeup she had on. She was wearing a Kenton Ridge T-shirt and gray sweat pants and those little moccasin shoes you could get at the shoe store. She looked pretty darn cute. There aren't many girls who can pull off the casual look and still be beautiful, but this wasn't a look to Amber. It was her anyway. She was casual all the time.

"I told you. I'm sleeping here."

She looked at me. "Why?" she sounded like my answer was ridiculous and she had no clue to why I would want to sleep on the floor. Was she not staying over after all?

"So you can have the bed." I said slowly, unsure of my own words. She titled her head in confusion, and then made a face.

"You're not sleeping on the floor. It's your bed-sleep in it."

I laughed. "Yeah right. Ladies first. Plus I don't even sleep too much anymore. I don't have to."

Amber didn't like this answer. She crossed her arms like she was a little child.

She stayed there like that for a few minutes, but pretty soon the time began to wear on her. Her eyes drooped and her posture began to relax. She glared at me, then gave up and went to sleep on the bed. She was out before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

My love life was the best it had ever been. Amber and I were pretty much inseparable from that night on. If she wasn't spending the night, she was spending the day. If not at my house, then at hers. When we wanted to go out we went to movies, dinner, skating rinks, and even the mall when she wanted to go shopping. I had unlimited amounts of money, might as well spend it on her. Even if we didn't go shopping I bought her countless things that she said were too expensive and she didn't like me spending money on her, but she loved everything I got her. I got her necklaces, clothes, shoes, earrings, rings, or anything that she might want. I spoiled her rotten because I wanted to give her the world. And if I couldn't do that then I was going to give her anything and everything she wanted.

On some nights we went to parties some of my friends were throwing, but not too often. We went in, I grabbed her some water since the only other drink was beer and we just hung around. Girls would come up to me, brush Amber off and ask me to dance. I told them as politely as I could that I was taken. They all glared at Amber, who gave them a cold face, then walked away. We normally sat and talked at those parties, just like every other time we were together. Sometimes when Amber said she could get her own drink and venture to the kitchen, the girls seemed to flock to me at once moment. I decided it would be better to follow her before she came out and saw the girls and began to think I was cheating on her. It was better to take myself away from the temptation, than try to stay there and fight it, and then lose.

We would leave then head to my house, or the park, or sometimes I would run with her on my back to the ocean in North Carolina just to watch the waves with her. We even went swimming one night when the water was a little warmer. I would drop her off at her house, say goodnight to her and her father, and then swoop back up in her room before she made it up the stairs. Then we would just sit and talk about everything that was on her mind.

I'm not going to lie and say that it was all handy dandy, perfect, love, and romance around here. In fact those moments I described only happened every so often after the first couple of weeks. Sometimes I would crack when it came to those parties. Sometimes I didn't follow Amber, but instead follow a pretty girl into a corner and make out with her. It was rare if Amber didn't catch me, but when she didn't I felt the guilt eat at me until I told her. We would fight about it, getting in each others' faces, screaming. Her dad might here us when I took her home, yelling at each other, come out, grab his daughter, and then threaten me. By the time he slammed the door in my face I felt terrible. I went to her room every time and begged her to forgive. She'd tell me it was over and I'd go home and get in a fight with Jason, whom was easily provoked now days.

There was a bit of a pattern to this. Once she broke up with me, I would be angry, then just blow her off, then suffer when no one was looking. I hooked up with girls while I was single, realize none of them could replace Amber, bed her to take me back, her forgive me, and then repeat the whole damn thing over again. Every time I thought I was going to lose her for good, but it seemed that Amber was patient with me a bit, understanding where I'm coming from and that I'm trying. It didn't stop her from ending it time and time again, but that was my fault. I was lucky that she loved me so much.

It wasn't that I really _wanted _to screw up with her. Hell, she was the best thing in my life. There was no way I wanted to lose it. I wasn't used to having a steady girlfriend. I wasn't used to the hold on me, the responsibilities I had towards and that I had to make sure I didn't break her heart. But I did. Every time she caught with another girl, I watched her face fall, and I could almost see the crack split her heart in half until she turned to get out of there.

I gave her the same words, meaning them every time, telling her I didn't mean it and that she was just a girl while she was my world. Normally she wouldn't answer or tell me to go away or to shut up. Once in a while I would be pounding on the door, telling her to open it so I could talk to her. Her dad would come out with a gun and tell me to get off his property.

Cody was still out there as well, as if I needed more problems, always keeping me on watch from him to turn up out of now where. I hadn't seen him since the last attack, but that only meant things were going to get worse. If it took this long to make a plan, it was going to be good, and it was most likely going to work. If I didn't drive Amber away first.

So it was the day after we broke up again that I next saw him, or rather he saw Amber. I watched her drive off to school from her back yard in the shadows on her house. I turned and ran back to my house, getting ready with the others to go hunting. I didn't even notice the different feel on the air as I went with them, leaving Amber completely alone for the first time in weeks.

* * *

Amber was in the cafeteria when it happened. At first she thought it was the fire alarm going off and got up out of her seat, as did everyone else, but she noticed the different sound to it before the others did. She vaguely heard the speaker come on, telling them that they had an intruder in the building because she was looking for Jonathan, only realizing he had told her days ago he was going hunting this Monday and that she broke up with him again. She wasn't exactly worried when the teachers ushered them into the corner away from the windows and into the hallway since no rooms were open for them. She watched them lock doors in the lock down that was all too real for her.

She believed she was going to be fine, that it was just some creep whom the police would scare off sooner or later. So she just sat with her friends, being silent as was told and prayed that nothing bad was going to happen. It was when she heard her name being called in the more eerie, seductive voice that she had heard when she realized she wasn't going to be fine. In fact she was far from being fine.

Cody had finally come for her.


	35. Chapter 33: Task

33. Task

"Amber." The way he said her name, drawn out, seductive and powerful made her shiver. This shiver wasn't just one that made her know she was afraid; it let her know that she was going to die and she sent away the one person who had a prayer of protecting her. Cody had been toying with Jonathan all along, fighting him to get to her. She thought he was just going to kill him, but she was wrong.

It was her life he wanted dead.

It made sense to her in a strange, confusing way. If Cody couldn't have Claire because she was dead, then Jonathan couldn't have her because he was going to kill her. His family had been protecting the wrong person, fighting for the wrong person. They thought it was Jonathan he was after, and so did she. Amber never expected this kind of ending. She never expected to fall in love with Jonathan either, but that was hardly something she could control.

If Amber had had her way, she would have stayed away from him the first time she dumped him, but she cracked every time. Something in her was drawn to him in some strange way and she just couldn't stay away from him for long. _Love_, she had to remind herself each time. _You love him_. And she did love him, more than she could bear. It hurt her to see him with those other beautiful girls, giving him something that he wanted that she couldn't. He was trying, she knew that, and that was why she came back to him every time he failed. She gave him another chance each time only for him to fail again, each time chipping another piece of her heart away.

Now she had sent him away again right when she needed him most.

"Amber, I know you're in here. Here kitty kitty. Come out come out where ever you are." There was that voice again, echoing lightly through the halls so that she couldn't tell where he was coming from.

People looked at her with fear, not understanding. Teachers were hushing the frantic whispers that were all about her, now shooting glances every so often at her. Amber wanted to shout at them, to tell them to calm down. Their eyes only made her feel worse. If she was the reason some of them died, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself.

This only left her one option.

She stood, every eye on her if they weren't already. She patted her shirt down and fixed her hair. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, slowing down her thrumming heart. The last she wanted Cody to see was her fear. The calculus teacher put an arm on her shoulder, trying to stop her. Amber smiled weakly, swallowing her pride and fear. As she stepped silently out from the hallway and into the commons, Amber stood at her full height, her face calm and ready for anything. If she was going to die, he wasn't going to have the pleasure of hearing her beg for her life.

She didn't make it to the commons before she heard a low whistle coming from the other end of the hallway. The girls behind her screamed and clutched for the nearest guy, the teachers scrambling to get everyone out of there. Amber turned slowly, already knowing who was down there.

Cody was smiling, as usual. Her breath was taken away from his beauty as she laid eyes on his face. He was wearing a white t-shirt and basic blue jeans. He looked like a normal guy who made an angel look like a gargoyle. As the girls stared at his perfect completion, fixing on his face, Amber was fixed on something else. She knew the truth of this man. He was a snake with blue eyes, something so deceiving it took a master to know he was lying. He killed and took what he wanted. He cared about nothing but himself. This kept Amber from falling under his spell.

Cody clapped. "Well done, Amber. I took you as easy, but you have more skill than I assumed. Jonathan taught you well." His teeth glinted in the light. His eyes were menacing, making her shiver again.

Amber stayed silent and stood her ground. She kept her chin held high and her face in check. She clenched her jaw, trying to hold back the fear that was going to push its way through at any moment. She swallowed.

He smiled and began walking to her. "Where is Jonathan after all? Did he abandon his little girlfriend for someone who could give him something you can't?" he laughed darkly.

Amber's face twitched.

"I see. You sent him away again didn't you? Another girl? How delightful! Tell me, sweet Amber, does he always leave you like this?"

"Bite me."

Cody was halfway to her now. "Feisty. I like it. I might take you up on that offer, my sweet, but later I assume. Right now I have some business to take care of." He stopped about a foot from her and then got real close, pulling her towards him. "Now tell me this," he grabbed her elbow and leaned in close to her ear. She heard the sound of her arm breaking before she felt it. "Is poor Jonathan worth all this pain?"

Amber bit her tongue, making it bleed. She wasn't going to scream. She had to fight it. But it hurts…

"You need a little more encouragement. I can arrange that." His hand whipped down so fast that it was a blur as he struck her legs. She crumpled as she cried out in pain, both knees broken. He held her up by her broken arm and waist.

"Much better." He smiled with glee. He enjoyed the sound of her pain. For some reason this angered her more than she could understand. She felt the sudden burst of energy, but she had no way to contain it. All of a sudden Cody was knocked backwards, like someone had hit him. Amber hit the floor, another whimper from her lips.

Cody was stunned as he got up from the ground, a hand over his face. He locked his jaw back into place, his eyes on Amber with sudden curiosity. His eyes clicked with an unknown answer to an unknown question. The scooted away from him, not liking the way he was watching her, like she was a prize or something.

"Interesting." He got up smoothly, shoving a girl out of his way. He sat down next to Amber, looking at her face. She flinched as he brushed a hair from her face. "I'm not going to hurt you anymore, well not physically at least." Amber couldn't understand his words from the roar of her pain in her ears. She thought she was going to pass out.

"You see I need something from you, and I can get it whether you live or not, but I don't want to kill you. Not yet." His face was cold, no longer smiling. "I don't see how it's fair that Jonathan should get a pretty girl he doesn't deserve while my pretty girl who didn't deserve me is dead. Do you agree? So I came up with a brilliant plan, my sweet Amber, a plan worthy enough to involve you." He put his hand on her arm, she expected another onslaught of pain, but in fact she felt better. She moved her arm, checking, and finding that it was whole again.

"What do you want?" she sat up, not even registering that her knees were healed as well.

"That's a good girl. Now what I want you to stop seeing Jonathan."

Amber's eyebrows came together. "We broke up yesterday." Amber didn't understand. How could she see him when she dumped him again? She realized what he meant before he spoke again.

"But you always go back to him don't you?" Amber nodded, turning her face away.

"I won't this time then."

Cody's face filled with sudden anger. "Liar!" he grabbed her face, making it hurt. He let go of her again, his face relaxing. "You see, even if you could remain out of his grasp, that isn't enough for me. Jonathan would still be able to see you, talk to you, draw your eyes or watch you at home. _I _can't see Claire. If I can't see her, he can't see you."

"What do you mean?" Amber asked though she already knew what he was going to say, but his words somehow made it more final.

"What I mean, silly girl, is that I want you to never see him again. Tell him it's over and that you can't stand him anymore. Or better yet, get back together with him. Lead him on, smile, act like everything is just fine. Then tell him it's over and get in your car, drive away, and never come back. You can see I've put a lot of thought in this." He smiled.

Amber nodded frantically, tears escaping her eyes. She didn't want to hurt him. She loved him! How could she do this to him?

"I don't believe you. If you can't complete the task, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill him, then you'll never see him again and you won't have to worry about him anymore. Does that sound better to you? Leave him, or ill kill him." He said it in a pleasant way like he was talking about the weather.

She took in a breath, her breathing jagged from her silent sobs. Amber knew that Jonathan could not die. He had to live. She had to break his heart so he could live. How cliché. He would think she hated him, but really she loved him. She pictured her life, ten years from now, alone, dwelling everyday on what she did to the man she loved. But she had to do it. She couldn't see him die. Not him.

"I can…do it." She took a deep breath to steady herself.

Cody leaned in closer to her, his breath in her face. "Good girl."

Amber closed her eyes and opened them.

She was sitting in her seat in the cafeteria, like she had been before the alarm sounded. Everybody was eating, laughing; going on with their day like that whole scene had never happened? Had it happened? It had to of for she could never have imagined that kind of tortuous pain. She felt her elbow self consciously.

Cody's words pounded through her head. _Leave him or I'll kill him._ She sighed, feeling her heart constrict. Amber had made her choice. Jonathan was not going to die. But leaving him might kill her instead.


	36. Chapter 34: Rushed

34. Rushed

I found Amber sitting on the porch of my house when we came through the woods from out hunt. I was full of blood, still bouncy from the taste and in a good mood. It had been a long time since I had last hunted and since I didn't need to like Angel or them did; I decided not to go when they did.

It went well for the most part. None of my instincts were gone from the time of no hunting; in fact they seemed even sharper than I had thought they were. We stayed out for hours, herding anything that moved and had enough blood to sustain us for a long enough time without impacting the wild life.

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I didn't know it was going to happen so soon. Once I caught scent of a mountain lion and I was off the hunt, Jason had to get in my way. He leaped out in front of me right as I lunged with that stupid smirk on his face. I didn't even think of stopping. I was too far into my senses, not realizing what this was going to cause. I hit Jason at full force, the sound like two boulders crashing at each other, then taking down a few trees. I clawed at his skin, trying to show him that this was my kill. It even got to the point where we both phased; going for each others' throats, but it ended soon after that once they all pulled us apart. We stayed miles from each other since that first hour, not even getting closer that we needed to.

We arrived back at the house around eight, everyone full of laughter, the tense of being thirsty was gone for the night and joy filled every crevice. It was hard to be in a bad mood when there was nothing to be sad about.

That's when I saw Amber sitting on the porch, her arms in her coat, puffs of steam coming from her mouth and nose, her cheeks pink from the cold, and her body shivering. Her hair was up in a pony tail, the wind blowing it back and forth into her face. When she saw us come out of the woods she stood up and stepped off the porch lightly. He steps seemed a little forced, but that might have been from the cold.

My family stopped behind me, slowly their pace greatly.

I kept walking up to the small figure of the girl I loved. I stepped over the brittle grass and stood in front of her. She looked up at me, fresh tears running down her face. She let out a burst of air when my eyes touched hers then she threw herself at me, her hands in my hair, kissing me desperately. I clutched her closely, not truly understanding. I kissed back, holding her waist with one hand, my other one tracing her back, occasionally feeling the soft skin of her arms. She broke away once for air, then kissed me again. It took all my will not to have her right then and there, to rush up to my room and close the door, but I knew this would only hurt her. I had to control myself better, starting with this.

This time it was I who pulled back, holding her face in my hands, wiping the tears away with my thumbs. I told her it was okay, that I was sorry, the same words every time, but this time was different. Amber was acting different. She kept shaking her head, saying it didn't matter, that she loved me, that she always would love me no matter what. I told her I loved her too.

"You don't understand." She said again, sobs breaking from her chest. "I will _always_ love you. _Nothing_ can change that. Got it?"

"Yes." I told her hesitantly.

"Promise me you'll remember what I'm saying."

"I promise?" where was this energy coming from?

"Promise me." It was almost a growl.

I leaned down and kissed her again, tilting my head to kiss her better. She opened her mouth, her sweet breath on my tongue. I leaned my forehead against hers. "I promise." I vowed with everything I had left.

Amber nodded. "Don't forget." It was barely above a whisper.

I took her hand, feeling the icy touch of her skin. "You must be freezing. Come on-I'll make you some hot chocolate."

"Sounds perfect." She grabbed my hand as I led her into the house. I opened the door, feeling Amber shiver as the gust of warm air from the house hit her skin. I held her more tightly as I set her down on the couch. I kissed her forehead and went to the kitchen. I came out with her steaming cup of hot chocolate to see her wrapped up in a wool blanket and her head on a pillow. I could still hear her teeth chattering. I sat down next to her, helping her up.

"Thanks." She smiled then made a sound of pleasure as she took that first sip. I laughed at her expression. I might as well have told her she won the lottery. "God this is good."

"Always the tone of surprise." I teased, putting my arm around her. She shivered once more at my own warmth and then put her head on my shoulder while taking another sip.

"I love you." She said again for what felt like the thousandth time.

Now don't get me wrong, I about whooped with delight at the sound her of saying those words, but for one, guys don't whoop. Two, this wouldn't bother me as much if there wasn't a certain tone to her voice as she said them. Something about them bothered me.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked her, pulling her chin up towards me.

Amber looked confused, completely innocent as ever. I immediately felt stupid for asking the question. Of course everything was fine with her. What could be wrong? Maybe she just wanted me to know how much she loved me, and that's why she was back. Was she telling me she would always come back? Or that she would always be here for me, no matter what, no matter how much I screw up? It made sense. My worries vanished in that same second, Amber hadn't even blinked by the time I thought it through it now.

"Not that I can think of. Unless you want to tell me something?" her voice wasn't suspicious, but rather kind. It still surprised me that even though I've put her through hell, she still loves me, cares for me, wants to be around me, and isn't bothered by my presence.

"Nothing at all." I smiled at her. I kissed her nose gently, making her laugh.

Amber stayed at my house that night, just like every other night before and after we break up. I never asked her what her father thought her little over nighters, but I didn't care what her father thought. He could he suck it.

She walked in my room, wearing one of my t-shirts that were way too big for her. It came down to her knees, a little tight around the waist because I don't have her curves. She crawled into my bed while I pulled out the sleeping bed from my closet.

"No."

I turned to look her, about to ask her what was wrong.

"Come here." She patted the bed, scooting over to make a spot for me.

"Amber, I've told you why-"

"And I don't care." She said matter-of-factly. "I trust you." The way her words hit my ears made my heart melt. She trusted me. Somehow, she trusted me.

I put the sleeping bag up and slowly walked over to her. I sat on the edge, giving her plenty of room, trying to keep her comfortable. Amber sighed, put her arms around my bare chest. She snuggled closed to me and laid her head on my back. I turned over, making her head more comfortable on my chest than my back. She fell asleep in my arms while I watched her dream for hours.

This continued for a whole week. On the Monday of the second week since we got back together, she kissed me goodnight. Each night the kisses got longer, sweeter and better. Sometimes we went to bed early and just kissed for hours. I still felt that same desperation in her kisses as I felt the night we got back together, but I was too wrapped up in her to notice. One the third week, I traced her legs with my hands, holding them, then her back. She never minded, just kissed me, but I was too much of a coward to go farther. I was afraid I would scare her off, that maybe we were going too fast, but she was there every night in my bed with a smile on her face.

It was a Tuesday on the fourth week when I walked into my house with Amber, hand in hand.

"Jonathan?"

"Who else?" I laughed and followed Nick's voice. I found him in the kitchen with a piece of mail. We never got mail. "What is it?"

"Amber's dad dropped this off this morning right after you too left for school." Nick handed it to Amber and walked away. I watched him go, but I turned my eyes onto Amber when I heard her ripping open the mail with haste. I saw Amber's whole completion turn pale as she read the little slip of paper that she pulled out. Some letter.

I was too consumed with Amber's face than to notice why the note was so small. I went to grab it, but Amber jerked her hand away and ripped the paper into shreds. I could have taken it from her and put it back together in a second, but if Amber didn't want me to have it, then I wasn't going to try.

I never brought the letter up again, but I couldn't forget that look on her face, like someone had sentenced her to death.

Two nights later when I walked into my room at the same time I had for the last few weeks, I found that Amber wasn't in there waiting for me like normal. I looked around, expecting her to be hiding like she did once, but she wasn't in this room. I lay down in bed and looked out the window at the stars.

I heard Amber open the door.

"Jonathan?"

I looked at Amber, and then did a double-take.

Amber was standing in my doorway, but it wasn't the fact that she was standing there that surprised me-it was what she was wearing…or rather what she wasn't. All she had on her body was a bright blue bra and lacy black panties. I had pictured Amber like this so many times, but now that she was right in front of me, I couldn't help but look at the stuff I missed. Her shoulders were broad, well muscled for someone of her size. She was skinny, of course. She had small curves, but her torso was so skinny that the curves were amplified. Her stomach was small, showing faint lines of a four-pack somewhere. She had long, well toned legs that were shaking. She bit her lip when I looked back at her.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave a small smile.

I gulped.

"What do you think?"

What do I think? _What do I think?_ I didn't even know what to think! Right now I had the hottest girl I've ever met standing in front of me, half naked, asking me what I thought about her. I could have told her many cheesy things, I could have given her a one word answer, but instead or risking my voice cracking, I let out a low whistle.

She blushed and turned her face away.

I got up and put a blanket around her and led her to the bed gently.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

She shrugged.

I sighed.

"You don't like it do you? Not on me. I have to admit I'm not as pretty as some of the others girls."

I barked a laugh. "You're right. You're much more beautiful."

She laughed. "That's cheesy."

"Is this what you want, Amber? Is this what you really want?" I grabbed her face so she would have to look at me.

"I love you." There was that sentence again.

"I love you, too, more than you know, but you have to think, Amber. I can give you this, I wanted to from the start, but its different now. I love you. You can't take it back, Amber. I have to know that this is what you really want."

Amber looked at me. She lifted her body at her full height, held her chin up, and looked at me sternly. "I. Love. You."

I leaned in slowly, my decision made, but I wanted her to have time to stop me if she changed her mind. My lips touched hers.

It was nothing like I ever experienced before, nothing like the twenty-four years of girls and parties. This time I was making love to someone I actually loved, which made it ten times better. After it was over I just laid there, sighing her name in her ear, reminding her that I love her forever.

The nights went on like this for a few days. We would have sex, she would fall asleep, when she woke up and found me still there, watching her, she would smile and kiss me lightly. She would then proceed to take a shower while I made her breakfast and then took us to school. Jason even went out of his way to give me a sad, yet dirty look every time he saw me in the kitchen. It's like he was trying to warn me, but he hated me so it didn't really work.

I never slept with any other girl than Amber since the last time we got back together which was about a month ago. In fact I didn't really need to. I had what I wanted-Amber Bay forever and ever and nothing was going to tear us apart. At least not while I was still breathing.

I never saw Cody…or Claire. Sometimes I'd wonder about her, what she was doing and why she hadn't revealed herself yet, but I didn't like to think about it. She knew what she was doing and as long as I did my part, she would show herself in due time. At least that's what I told myself.

It was a Friday on the sixth week when Amber told me that she couldn't stay the night. She said her dad told her she needed to come home for the weekend, that he didn't know she was staying at my house and she would be back Monday. Her lips twitched when she told me that. I had no reason to suspect anything, so I didn't. She left early Friday morning so her dad wouldn't notice she was gone and told me she'd see me at school.

Amber never showed up to school.

I stayed in the parking lot well after the tardy bell rang, hoping she was just running late. When she didn't show up I found that I had completely missed first period and rushed to my second, not bothering to explain where I had been, not that anyone cared enough to know. I waited all day, hoping she would show up. I even expected that she would be in the lunch room when my lunch bell rang, but she wasn't where we normally sat, so I just slid in next to Liam, whom I felt like I hadn't spoke to in months.

"Do you know where Amber is?" I asked him when he paused to take a bite.

"If you don't then I definitely don't."

I turned away and ate in silence. I didn't talk to anyone but Amber anymore. Now that she was gone I realized how much I secluded everyone. I sighed, wishing Amber would show up for the second half of the day.

She didn't.

I even waited after school for her, hoping she would at least come home with me. After I waited an hour after school, I finally got into my car and drove to her house. When I parked the car on the side of the road I saw her trunk was full. It had a pillow and blanket in there as well as some bags and shoes. Leaving the car, I walked up to the door. I went to knock but it was already open. Fear coursed through me. Had Cody came and gotten her? I rushed up the stairs, already thinking of the worst case scenario.

I pushed open her bedroom door, ready to fight, but there Amber was, throwing things on her bed, packing clothes into bags, crying. She kept whispering that it wasn't enough time, whatever that meant. That's when she saw me standing in the doorway. She looked at me, tears falling down her face.

She threw her cell phone at me. I ducked and heard it shatter as it hit the wall. I looked back at her, horror on my face.

_"Get out!"_


	37. Chapter 35: Deceived

35. Deceived

_"Get out!"_ she screamed at me again. She reached for anything in her room that she could get her hands on to throw at me. She threw her books, softballs, her iPod, and even the alarm clock on her dresser. She aimed hangers at me like daggers until her hands came up empty.

I took a step towards her, trying to find the right words to tell her. I was beyond confused to her sudden anger and fury, but who understood a girl's mood swings anyway? When I got closer, Amber launched herself me with a yell and punched my stomach. For a human she had quite a punch, knocking my breath away when she hit just the right spot.

"Get out! Go away! Leave!" she kept chanting those words as at me over and over again, maybe hoping I would catch on. She ought to know I was too stubborn to listen to her.

"Amber!" I tried to grab her hands, but she kept pushing me away, slapping away my grasp. She stepped away each time, but coming back with more hits. She kept getting angrier by the second. A normal person would have gotten exhausted from such a burst of anger, but Amber kept getting stronger by the second. She finally managed to push me out into the hallway and slammed the door in my face and locked it. I could have broken it down, but I doubted that it have helped her mood.

I banged on the door. "Amber, open up!" I banged again, trying to make her open with my mind. I reached into her mind, trying to understand her sudden fury, but once she felt me there she threw me back out. I landed on my back in the hallway from the force of the power. Inside Amber cried harder.

"Please." I begged, making my voice softer. "Amber, please." I went up to her door and sat with my back pressed against ear, opening my senses to know what was going on inside. I closed my eyes.

I could hear her shuffling around the room and then I pictured it in my head. I saw her walking from her closet to her bed, throwing more clothes in the bag. She ruffled up her bed, grabbed a few things off her bookshelf, nightstand, and desk. She threw them all in a separate bag that a hard bottom. She zipped what I guessed to be a suitcase, and then set it on the floor. I heard beginning to fill up another back with more things she might need, then filling a purse with coins and some paper money. She blew her nose with a tissue and started to brush her hair, trying to soothe herself I guess. I just wish I knew what she was crying about.

Had I done something to upset her? I hadn't cheated on her in weeks, staying faithful in any way I could. I did everything I could to give her the best sex I could, trying to give her everything she deserved. I knew thousands of ways to have sex, trust me. Slutty, skanky, horny, one night stands, drunk, Korean (don't ask), as well as Chinese (really, don't ask). Never once in my life have I had any sort or romantic sex. I was just as clueless as Amber that first night. I wanted to impress her without scaring her off or ruining the moment with making her think of all those other girls. Amber was the only girl for me now.

What if it was the sex? Maybe she wasn't ready, but was afraid to say something? Had I hurt her? I thought back to all those nights, never hearing he crying out in pain, not even whimpering. She was never awkward in the mornings after, in fact there wasn't any sign of discomfort at all. It was what she wanted, I knew that. So what was wrong with her?

"Amber, let me in." I asked again, my voice shaky. I heard her jump from inside. Apparently she thought I had left, not sitting outside her room.

"Go away, Jon." She didn't yell it at me this time, but it felt weird, hearing her call me by the nickname I barely got called by anymore. I heard her press her hands against the door, as if expecting me to barge my way through. "Please just go." It was barely a whisper.

"At least tell me what I did wrong." I felt it coming. So did my heart. I felt that gentle line I didn't even know was there threatening to break, to tear me apart. I was sure it was going to kill me this time. My life was going end if she told me it was over. I couldn't face it. I loved her so much and for her to reject me…I couldn't even think about it.

A sob let escaped her mouth in a gust. "Don't."

"Don't what, Amber? I don't know what I'm doing!"

She sighed. "Jon, it's not you-"

"Don't you dare say that." I snapped. How many times have I used that phrase? It was used to get out saying the real point to anything. She was hiding something. But what!

"Then what do you want me to say?" she snapped back, sniffing.

"Tell me what I can do." I begged, pressing my cheek to the door. "I'll do anything, just tell me."

Amber cried harder so it was a moan. She banged her head against the door. I heard her rake her fingers through her hair savagely. I could hear her body shaking so violently it was making the door vibrate. She must have buried her head in her lap because I could hear her muffled sobs, her voice cracking as she got louder. I must have hurt her somehow. And not just hurt. This was worse. God, what had I done?

"Please go. I don't want to see you anymore." Her voice was so soft, but harsh. It was ice cold.

"Don't say that."

"I'm done, Jonathan! I can't take it anymore! I want you to go. You're only making this harder for yourself." She seemed to have taken control of her emotions because her voice was stronger; she was no longer shaking or sniffing every few seconds.

She was right. Every second I sat there it was getting harder for me to move, to leave like she said. Every second I was fueling my mind with some hope that all of this was a test and by walking away I would fail. Was I supposed to stop fighting for her? Is that what she wanted? I couldn't do that.

I stood up, told Amber to move away from the door. Something in my voice must have made her scramble away because in a few seconds she was gone. I kicked open the door lightly so I wouldn't knock it off its hinges, but the lock was broken and the door knob was rolling away from me on the floor.

The room was different than when I first walked in here minutes ago. Everything in the room was in disarray. Things were thrown around, some shoved in the back like Amber hadn't thought about what went in there as long as it fit. Things were shattered on the floor from where she threw glass objects at me. Amber was standing by the window, looking out of it. The tears on her face were dried, leaving a few stains on them.

"Amber?" I stepped towards her quickly, putting my hand to her face. She flinched from my hand, and jumped away from me.

"Get away." She ordered. I almost obeyed her, but something in my gut made me stop.

"You love me."

Amber shook her head quickly.

"You said you loved me no matter what." I said, recalling her exact words.

Amber shook her head more fiercely.

I reach for her hand.

"No!" she jumped farther away from me again. "I told I can't take it anymore! Get out!" she screamed.

"Take what, Amber? I don't understand!"

I could see her eyes water, but she held the tears back. "Everything, Jon. You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes. I was dragged into all of this," she waved her arms over her head and towards me. "I was pulled into this vampire crap and then I got a stalker. Let's not forget your little toys you like to cheat on me with. I just can't do it anymore, okay? I'm sorry."

"It was getting better." I was trying to fight. I was losing.

She shook her head. "No it wasn't. I tried to keep the fire going, but I couldn't lie anymore."

"You said you loved me no matter what." I repeated. "You made me promise I'd remember that."

"I lied."

There it was, the words that broke my heart. I felt my heart tear in two.

This brings me to where I started. The final moments of my love for her, being squashed by her foot.

She went to walk away, trying to push me out of her way, taking her bags with her.

I grabbed her arm, hoping it would make her stop. "Please, don't do this." I begged, already knowing it was over.

She sniffed and as she looked at me her eyes were full of tears. She blinked and they rolled down her cheeks, but I wiped them away with one stroke of my hand. When my palm reached her face, she cringed away. I let my hand drop, feeling the pain deep inside of me."I-I just can't, Jonathan. Not anymore." she turned to go, but she stopped before stepping outside of her bedroom.

It hurt to feel the small slimmer of hope rise inside my chest and then to feel it crushed as she didn't turn around when she walked down the hallway and out the door. I watched her get into her car, feeling like every part of me was being ripped to shreds.

It hurt worse to know that this was my fault. That I caused her so much pain that she would rather leave me than love me. I must truly be a monster.

It wasn't the first time I pretty much killed someone

"No." I said to myself, rushing out her door. I ran through the house and out the door quickly, shoving the front door out of my way.

This couldn't be over, it just couldn't. I would talk to her; try to talk her out of this. I would save this.

I ran out into the yard as I saw her car pull away from the curb and down the country road, fading fast from my view.

Amber Bay was gone.

The End.


	38. New Book

**Okay guys, I first wanted to end the story and the series completely there, but I realized I left too big of a cliff hanger to just end it. I mean what about Claire and Jonathan and Jason and the Volturi? So you guys struck some luck that I'm terrible in putting in more details so there IS going to be a sequel to Remember Me, but most likely this will be the ending to the entire series. It wont be up until I finish Heart Break Warfare because I'm terrible at multitasking when it comes to writing and it will never be finished if I start the new story now.**

**The new story will be named "Don't forget" but that will be out after I finished my other story so it might be a while. Sorry.**

**I've also got two other stories I'm thinking about writing. The first one will be "The farmers daughter" and the second one I haven't thought of a name yet and im still working on the plot because it's a very complex story and ill get confused if I don't know what I'm writing about first. I would be so ever grateful if you guys gave me some ideas! Oh and the second one is about aliens just so you know. So yeah I think that's about it. I need some boy and girl names that are uncommon too because all I can think about is common names. So that's it I think. Bye! **

**-Kaitlyn**


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